56: I'm Quitting Lance Romañce
Fri, Oct 27, 2006 11:00 Nit
I'm done being Lance Romañce. He hasn't had any new songs in years, he represdents a very bad feelings to me, and its time for me to move on to new projects. I started being Lance Romañce in high school, and adopted him as a full time personality. He is an ego trip, an easy charchter with whom I've been to quickly make friends and fans. But I've been very unhappy with my life lately, and I've got to make some big changes. The first one is I'm going to start being Ben Garber full time, instead of just hiding him for a chosen few. And I want to actually meet people for real, and not as some charcter who is hiding a terribly sad person inside.
In all honesty, I've been wanting to kill myself. In recent years its become an increasing problem. My 27th birthday is nearing, and instead of killing me, I am going to kill Lance Romañce. All i think of with this charchter is being lonely on a greyhound bus, with a deep hole in my heart that I feel very strongly when ever I'm on stage and try to cover with bullshit wit. Its not to say I'm not good at it, its easy, the songs are funny, and the gimick of traveling on my own, making a new band at every stop, and playing all my own instruments isn't because I wanted to. its a clever cover up of personal lonliness, and I'm sick of it. I hate bullshit, and I'm completely contradicting myself by not even being myself. I am a smart guy, a good writer, and have a lot more to offer the world than a handful of novelty songs.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. But I think I am going to move back to Austin, TX. It has been my favorite place to visit because the friends that I have there seem to be the most supportive. I never feel out of place when I've stayed at friends houses, and am always more encouraged to stay than to move on. A day with friends is never uncomfortable, I just feel Im going to get the support I need right now there.
Being Lance Romañce has been fun. I've met a lot of great people, and in fact everyone I've met over the past several years has been a dircet result. I am happy with my work, it was unique and new, and was me at the time. It has been a lot of fun, touring was magnificent, and I LOVED going to to trade shows and strange towns and just cracking people up and really impressing everybody with something they were'nt expecting. Unfortunately, I got stuck, I knew what worked and I never had the gutts or ambition to introduce much new material. Why, when I know everyone is going to LOVE what I got already??? I like Sexy Bowler Girl the best, and Bee Careful Of The Beez was fun, and the last one that stuck. But I've grown increasingly uncomfortable singing them, because I don't think they have much meaning. I speant years trying to copy Sir Psycho Sexy, thats done, and Im moving on and doing something i can respect. It will be a while. I need to get other things in order first.
None the less, I'm more interested in people knowing who I really am and what I am really feeling right now, than trying to entertain. I'd really like to do more with politics, as well as helping people with personal problems, which I know a lot about. I want to clean up a bit and get myself a real job instead of always looking like the hippy I was at 16. I'm growing tired of introducing people to myself as a name other than my own, it makes me feel like a liar, like I can't be honest, that I am hiding something, that I am too distant... I feel very isolated.
Shortly, I will redo my website. I will tuck the old Lance Romañce site to the back and it will all still be there, but I'm going to redo it with a modern site with what ever i chose to do in the future. I'm going to get rid of the myspace page to, and replace it with my own.
I'm trying to save myself and this is what I need to do. I have been miserable, and it keeps causing me to get my heart broken, not the other way around. I recently had my heart broken. But to be honest, the decision not to be Lance any more really as eliminated a lot of pain.
I recieved some wonderful advice today. And I'd like to thank very much the person who gave it to me. The people actually. Thank you every body.
God bless, and good night.
Lots of Love,
The Former Lance Romañce,
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