32: So, I'm hosting the Open Mic at the Sidewalk Cafe...
Sun, Mar 6, 2005 12\14Morn

Now that Lach (my boss) is on vacation, I get the whole freaking night to my self this Monday. Hosting New York's biggest open mic, which on a good night has as many as 80 people signed up, is an exciting job to be had. But I am nervous, and every night I have terrible nightmares about it. I get up on stage to my monologue, and something goes horribly wrong. maybe every one leaves, or every one suddenly dies because my monologue is so bad, or some killers come in and kill every body. No matter what, i lose the audience, and Lach returns forever furious.

i recall when David Letterman hosted the Oscars, might I say he did a wonderful job. But on his own show, on the nights proceeding his own oscar ceremony, he himself reported having similar nightmares. In one case, he himself was presenting an important Oscar, when one of the decoratively enlarged Oscar statues on the set behind him, came to life and started attacking him by shooting lasers.
I wish I could show my dreams the same way Davis Letterman does. But alas, I only have what I can extract from my head verbally. Pictures, movies, and of course dreams, are trapped in my head as useless clips of what could be. I surely hope that they never come true.

Signup is at 7:30.

This past month has been an interesting one: President's day has come and went, but I don't care, I'm so upset by this past year's election that I refuse to celebreate.
The pope has been in poor health after a bouth with Martha Stuart, who has totally redecorated, against his will, the entire sixteen chaple. He had her arrested, she spent 5 months in jail, and has now been released, and promptly upon which, she headed for California. It was there she molested Michael jackson, redecorated the Neverland Ranch, and left hm for dead.
"Thriller!" Still one of my favorite albums, absolutely killer. It contains some of Paul McCartney's best work, and as an added bonus, Captain Eo. One of the best singers ever, easily rivaling the greats of the pre-rock n roll era, and cirtenainly surpassing any one in this era in both voice and and dance moves, he truely is the king of pop music. God bless his soul.
The Oscars occured again. Celebrating ten years since the Letterman episode, Chris Rock, who In my oppinion is the best comics around today, BOMBED!!! One of the worst hosts ever.
Johnny Carson hosted in the past, once saying "There are a lot of new faces here this year, especially on the old faces." Johnny Carson is gone. I would be sadder than I am but I have never seen his show. I stayed up to watch it once as a kid, only to find Jay Leno filling in that night. Still, Buster Poindexter introduced me to "Hit The Road, Jack,"and I fell asleep happy. Ah, time was... When I moved down to Texas a few years ago, i found myself having cable TV for the first time ever. I had been under the impression that all old shows were rerun on cable, and asumed I would be able to watch the Johnny Carson show once and for all. I was quite disapointed to find out this was not true. While they should be preserving and rerunning great TV we had forgotten, they are insted rerunning last night's Conan. So what?? I saw that last night!!! They could at least show the old good ones with Andy Richter. There is a wonderful song about Johnny Carson that The Beach Boys did in the 1970's, on Love You. Anyhoo, I guess I will have to wait for On Demand to take over. Then I will be able to watch what ever i want, whene evr I want. But, until then... Sianarah, Johnny.
Professionally acceptable analog tape has come with some wonderful news. We went from one company, to no companies producing it. But the Quantegy ahs reopened, ATR will start producing a new line in the spring, and EMTEC has anounced it will start making tape a gain. Is there enough market to suatin 3 companies?? I dunno, but wonderful news none the less. I still plan to record my next album on 8-track cassette, as to not lose the integrity of my last two records.
A bunch of English blokes came by and visited. With them, I made an appearence on New York's own Bob Fass radio show on WBAI. It was fun, I performed "Bee Careful of the Beez," and I would have told you I was going to be on, but i wasn't sure I was. Well, I was.
That cellular phone I got?? I lost the plug, left it at a friend in Boston's while visiting. She mailed it back to me, but it got lost between there and here. It hasn't been seen or heard in a month now. But I am not complaining. In fact, its nice not having the cell phone. Especially now that I got all these great women's sweaters at the dollar a pound before leaving the gay marraige state. I visited my friend Kat Cradok, we were both going to get switch blades for each other, and have them engraved with wonderful messages. It was her idea, isn't that awesome??? Well, as it turned out, they are not legal in massachusettes. but gay marrige is?? WTF!!!! Oh, well. They are legal in NYC, where I live. But they must be legal some where. Kat's idea? "Maybe when its nice out, we'll take a road trip to some where that they do sell them." Far out. She said possibly New Hampsure or Vermont.
Living on the L train is really blowing. It is a nice train in theory, because it jets straight accross Brooklyn, and after just 6 stops, I arrive in the east Village, should I not decide to stay on and partake in some sort of West Village avenue. Ah, but its an avenue of Broken dreams. This is because I work everynight until maybe 12:30 or 1:30. After the open mic, I get out at maybe 4 or so. These are nice hours during the day time, but late at night, when the L train doesn't run very well, or at all some times, its really annoying. Since I started my new job in mid december, the trains have been coming at reduced incriments, some times as much as 30-40 min, while waiting for one train that runs back and forth utilzing only one track. There are two tracks, you know. As the daytime drivers know, using one to go each way on multiple trains. Oh well, they are doing work. Lots of work, I guess. i am hoping it is for a rocket powered train that will get me home in under a minute. i am waiting praying and hoping, as for the past 3 weeks, after midnight there hav been ZERO trains. This has meant taking an alternate ruit, that extends my 10-15 minute ride to a blistering 90 minutes or so. Its painful, and this weekend, they have shut the train off completely. Even durring the day, until 5am Monday. There are no L trains. Today, going just 5 stops, staying in Brooklyn, meant taking 2 busses to get there and 3 busses to get back!! But had the train been running, there would be zero transfers, which indicates that the replacements for the train are inadiquite. I am lucky to not be one of the suckers working today, though I have cirtenly endured with my late night job. It is said That the reason for all of this is a robot train, driven by machine alone. Just like on the jetsons. Are we ready for it yet??? A train crash on another line suggest we are, since the driver on that train fell asleep. But, wait, if there is going to be a robot train, and they are cutting back service, and riddiing of the token booth attendees who should really still be there for security if nothing else. My room mate, Jake Schimel, says that at 7:30 am, 6 stops out of manhattan, that train incriments have been reduced from 6 minutes to 8 minutes, and there fore, there is frequently not enough room on a single train, and he has to wait for another 8 minutes to try and hope he can squeeze into the next one. And after all this cost cutting bullshit, fairs go up anyway??? The same weekend there is no L service? ARRGGG!!!! They are bastards, and are out of control. Cirtainly, the MTA should be a hot issue this November when mayoral election push out our pimp mayor. He's a real asshole. Anyhoo, the botom line is that there had better be rocket trains coming to pick me up on Monday when service is reinstalled. This has been a hellish journy these past few weeks, and there best be some big fucking differences, ones that I can see with my own eyes, and they'd better be worth it. I could give a shit about a robot trin, and at best I'm a bit scared by the idea, but a rocket train would certainly satisfy my wearyness and fulfil my wildest hopes and dreams. A rock is fast and furious, a rock it powerful and a feat of egnieering, and to acomplish it with in the boundries of a subway tunnel would be impressive. This is what I'm looking for, as are my many neighbors, who I am sure will aggree with me when they hear me say "rocket train." I know I do, and I said it. "Rock train. Its the wave of the future, its weare its at." I hope its there on Monday, I hope its there on Monday.

In New York, On March 27th (Sunday) 10pm I will play a concert at the Sidewalk Cafe, where I work. casey holford has been joining me on guitar lately, with great results, and considering he himself is playing imediately after, I hope he will join me again this time. Although I haven't asked him yet. Debe Daulton, my favorite local banjo playing lesbian, will play right before me. She is old, but she is great. Just like this world.
I am still from Rhode Island, originally. Its depressing there, the folks Iknew growing up, most of them are gone. If they are still there, they are misreable and suciadal. Or so it seems, I would love some day to hold a fund raiser to move all those blokes to some where else, any where else. But in the mean time, I think I will beplaying The Century Lounge on, I THINK may 14th or so. Isn't that exciting??? That place is right under my dad's studio, in the same building, on 150 chestnut st. I hope if your in town, you will be there. If not, maybe I will see you another time.

I hope all is well with y'all suckas.

I love you, I miss you, and can't stop thinking about you.

the pretty flower that hasn't yet blossomed,
Lance Robingstisque
Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce News Leather. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
comercial use or mass emails using the names and/or email addresses of subscribers to this mailing list is strictly forbidden
©2005 Lance Romañce All Rights Reserved
this mailing is anti-dave mathews
email: tendonitus@giantrats.com
website: http://www.giantrats.com