231: A Few Words, As Well As A Concerto
6:17:02 9\39Morn
Hi, Fellers. So, as I said in the last issue, this is the last issue of the Lance Romañce Mailing List. Thats right!!! The last issue was the last issue!!! You are not mistakin, you read it correctly. But none the less, I thought you all might like a Lance Romañce update. So this here is not another isssue of the Lance Romañce Mailing List, rather, its is the first issue of the Lance Romañce Update. And there are a couple of nautical things I need to talk with you about.

First off, is what the future holds for my mailing list. Well, I am thinking heavily about replacing it with a magazine. Eh? Eh?? What do you think of that??? If it all comes together nicely, Lance Romañce Monthly should premier this fall. I feel that a print magazine would be nicer than this stupid electronic thing. Lance Romañce doesn't believe that you should have to own a computer just to read his writings. In fact, Lance Romañce's writings should be an escape from tedious everyday life. You all need to spend less time at the computer anyways. Every time you read my mailing list, you are exposing your self to bright lights and radiation. This will undoubtedly worsen your vision and probably give you cancer as well. I don't want that burden on my shoulders, and I don't want your family to sue me. So I have come to the conclusion that a print magazine is better for all of us.
What will be in this magazine??? Oh, nothing more than what you might expect. Letters, editorials, fictional stories, chef lance's monthly recepie, knitting and sewing ideas, reprints of classic mailing lists with spell checking and comentary, guest writers, party jokes, contests... And then there are also things I just couldn't do in the mailing list: Drawings, pictures, games, comics, and maybe even a centerfold!!! And of course, all of you current list member ladies who would like to be the centerfold, you will get preferential consideration just for have being an origional list member.
Lance Romañce Monthly will be destributed locally in Boston and Providence, for puchase at local book stores and record stores. Subscriptions will also be available. I will be sure to keep you posted on what becomes of this magazine. Until then, how ever, I figure I might as well keep up this mailing list for a little while longer. If all goes well with the magazine and I can come up with enough material, I may keep it up along side the magazine, as an "internet extra." At the very least, I will probably keep it just to update you on concerts and things. As I am going to do today.

Ladies and gentleman, I am pleased to annouce to you a new Lance Romañce Concerto, this Wednesday, June 19th, at The Living Room, here in Providence. I have an interesting set prepared, and will feature local breakfast cook Vietnam Vet on guitar. Yippy-kai-yai-yay!!! That's all I have to say.
Anyhoo, the Living Room is located at 23 Rathbone st in down town Providence. The number there is 521-5200 if you'd like to give them a call. I will be opening for a band called Kram Dangle, who feature the bassist from The Slip on guitar. That means that there will be lots of hippies there. But don't fear, Lance Romañce will come up with some sort of scheme to anger them. So I recomend you come, because I really don't want to play just for hippies.
Also, I put up some flyers that say that admission is seven dollars. Since then, I have recieved word that admission will actually be just $5. So admission is just $5. The show starts at 10pm.

And now for the letters section. This first letter is from Julie F. of the Jimmy Fund:

ben!!!!!!!!!!!! it can't be over!!!!!!!!! please tell me it's a joke!!!!!!!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!! i sincerely will be very saddened if that was in fact your
last issue. please don't end it yet! i'll miss it so! please!!!!!!!!!!! love,
julie.


Dear Julie,
How would you like to be in the first issue of Lance Romañce Monthly?
Love,
Lance

The second Letter is from Jenny M. of Green Tea River:

Lance if youre going to call it qwuits you could of at least written a long farewell letter instead we get this shitty little I can't think of any thing to say so now I'm a quitter chrapp I am really disappointed you loser. I really look forward to your mailings and I even let you play real world with my friends in Florida and this is the thanks I get "sorry I'm a lame o now gotta go" Geez your must be real proud oof your self did you think of the people that would kill themselves if it wasn't for your mailings, well good Job BEN, LANCE, PDUMMY, what ever you call your self peace out bye
Jenny

Dear Jenny,
I'm just glad to hear that your not upset.
Love,
Lance

The last bit of news in this update is regaurding my new summer home: 54 Arnold st. Contrary to popular belief, I do not live in Boston yet. I will not be living there until September. In the mean time, I have taken up residence at a lovely duplex in the Fox Point naborhood of Providence. Every summer in this town, there are more sublets available then there are people, and there are a lot of Brown students who don't start looking for some one to take their place over the summer until too late in the season. I took advantage of one such Brown student, and am now paying just $225 a month for a lovely room in a lovely place in a lovely naborhood. Just 3 small block from Wickiden, I am!! But should you want to stop by, my new summer address is 54 Arnold st, and should be here through the end of the summer. As of this moment, I do not have a phone.

Anyhoo, that should do it for this half decade. Remember, see me en concerto this wednesday

Love,
The Short Necked Llama,
Lance Romañce

Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
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