228: Das Sterben Der Büffel
4:22:02 11\31Nite
Hi, every body. Its the Lance Meister Fleister here. What yall doin??? I'm very sleepy. I've been very sleepy lately, and I can't sit through a movie. This past weekend I had a party here. I am living at my parents house now, for those who don't know. But this past week my 'rents have been out of town. Well, Friday happond to be my friend Dave L's 25th birthday, so we had his party here. What a great night. A lot of people showed up I never thought I'd see at my parents house. Parties are nicer when your in your 20s. I didn't worry about anything getting broken or the cops coming. It was just people hanging out and having a few beers. A number of people showed up I never met before, and still nothing broke. Thats great. Good for me. About 25-30 people showed up in total through out the night, though it seemed like more. It went till almost 5 am. For Dave's birthday, some one made him a cake, and insted of singing "Pump Up The Jam," we sang "Pump Up The Age."

This week I was in Boston, just a riding along on the green line. There was some guy on there talking about what he would tell his parents so he could get more money. He said he was going to tell them that while he was up here in Boston he got mugged. What really bugged me was that it occored to me too late that I should have mugged him. I should have gotten up and said "So you wanna get mugged?" with a big smile on my face and told him to give me all of his money. I would tell him "This is good because now you don't have to lie." Some times I just think of things way too late, I get so mad ay myself. I bet that kid had a shit load of cash on him too.

ok, now every one pause for menopase.








hot!!!





















cold!!!!






















grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! get out!!!!












ahhhhhhhhh............ oooooooooohhhhhhh.........
























ok, resume.

Since my last issue, a hand full of people told me that they enjoyed my last issue, which delights me. So I went back and re-read it only to find it was poorly written. Man was that poorly written. I liked my ideas, but I really wish I had taken the time to re write them and make them real essays. Well, so much for that. No body has really tried to argue with me though which annoys me.

The first letter this week is from Carl A. of Go Team!

so ben, that npr mailing hoax has been around since forever. look it up
online, under "npr email hoax." i forgive you of course. so hello ben.
you know what i really miss? crossing the point street bridge between
rehearsals to go to fellini, back when fellini had the cool back room
part. i seem to remember making the walk in the rain most strongly.
there was that huge snowstorm where we all made fun of you for walking
around in your sandals. and were you at the beck show with lars and me?
love, carl

Dear Carl,
Well, actually, the republicans have been trying to get public radio off the air for years. And not just NPR and PBS, whom I have mixed feelings about, but college and free radio as well. All thouugh, NPR has been trying to get college radio off the air too. Whether or not that particular petition was real or not, I do not know, but it is a perfectly lagitamate issue.

The second letter is from Jenny M. of Lets Get Busy, Friday:

Hello Lance, I have not been able to keep up with you latley what evewr happened to the icecream hot dog hamburger dream wew had?? and about the never mind just give me a call when you get this I have class right now gotta go bYe Love Jenny

Dear Jenny,
You probably can't keep up with me cause I'm very fast. Tell Big Gay Art I said hello.
Love,
Lance

This week I present you with two brand new lance romañce songs. The first one is called "Ghost Dancers." This is the first draft, it may take me months of revisions before its perfect, but I think you will like it this far.

"Ghost Dancers"
by Lance Romañce
with his love and affection

here goes:
----
fred asaire likes to dance
so does gene kelly
even though they are dead
they still love dancing

because they are...
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!

they really like to dance
and so death couldn't stop them from dance-ing
their bodies are dancing in their coffins
but their bodies are dancing in hollywood

because they are...
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!

they used to dance when they were alive
and dancing is what they loved
so they continue dancing even though they've died
they dance, dance, dance all of the time

because they are...
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
GHOST DANCE-ERS!!
-----

Here is the other song. This is one of those songs that you should read the whole way through, then go back and read it again. Its what I like to call a "two-timer". Let me know what you think. Again, this is still the first draft.

--------
i sit on my front porch on a monday after noon
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
kicked back, laid back, and drinkin a brew
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
got a box of cigars, think i'll smoke a few
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
i admire the city sky, i sure have a nice view
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)

{music comes in a bit more}
my wife is nice, not over weight
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
she just made me a pitcher of lemonade
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
i remember our very first date
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
i really feel shes been my ideal mate
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)

my pooch lays on the porch in front of me
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
every so often he'll lick my feet
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
so i throw him a doggy treat
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)
I'll miss you, fella, your so sweet
(doo doo do do, doo doo do do)

747 Islamibad st
747 Islamibad st
747 Islamibad st
747 Islamibad st

{maybe not mention 747 Islamibad st, just make it the title)
-----------

What do you think??? I decided that I'm going to start doing more suspicious things so that the federal government will watch me closer. That way, after I die, they can release a book called "Lance Romañce: The FBI Files." I think that'd be real neat. Now all I have to do is do some wacky things for them to put in there. I fully intend to make in an intresting read.

Anyhoo, that should do it. I still have to come up with one more mailing list by the end of the month if i want to meet my quota. But we'll see. The numbers I care about the most are the ones that are on a scale from one to ten. Quality first, thats what I ALWAYS say. ALWAYS!!! ALWAYS!!! Write letters, subscribe people, and support terrorism. Fuck America!!! You will all perrish at the hands of my father, Ira!! Be prepared to die!

That should do it.

Love,
The Robot From Kraftwerk,
Lance Romañce

Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
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