227: A Singing Mamogram For You
4:16:02 12\30Morn
Hi every body. Weclome mailing list to my back. Ugh, so what will I write about today??? Any suggestions??? Cause I'll tell you, I got absolutely nothing. I guess I'll do what I did before when I was stuck a few years ago: Write about politics. So I will dedicate a majority of this issue to my polatics. I hope you will all read it any ways, maybe learn something, or even better argue with me. I like areguing about polatics, because you can't be sure of your polatics if you don't argue them.

So how about this war, eh??? Are you enjoying it as much as I am??? So, what's nthe Lance Romañce buffalo stance on the whole "terror" thing?? Well, I my self am all for the abolition of Isreal. Seriously, even though I myself am a Jewish guy. Isreal was really just handed to us Jews with out regaurd for another culture. Sure the Jews have suffered, but that does not give us the right of passage. The state of Isreal should be reformed I do believe, if not as a secular state, as a state that pays respect to all the religions that so desperately want that land. I am not on Isreal's side here. Most Americans are, and thats because we have long been told that Isreal is the good guy. Palastiniens, as Andry Rooney put it, are for the most part strangers to us. The Jewish people have long been a part of American culture, wether in a posative or negative sense. But Palastinians have played very, very little part in our culture. How many famous jews can you name?? How many famous palistines can you name??? So its silly to assume the side of Isreal when we really don't know the other side. You have to know both sides before you can asume one.
Well, my belief is that both sides are being snotty as hell. No body can win this fight because its about he core of each. There are two options here: mutual destruction or mutual aggreement. The only way your ever going to come to a mutual aggreement is to abolish Isreal as a soley jewish state. How easy that is to do, thats another essay.
What I am secretly hoping is that this will turn into World War III. We will all go over there and fight a big huge war, then come back here to the states, only to find that the Indians have want there land back now too. Then they start becoming terrorists too, and riding firey horses into all sort of important places. Then, eventually, we will have to either aggree to build another Indian casino or suffer the consaquences. Am I sick and twisted for hoping this comes true???? No, I just like to gamble.

So I do have a show coming up on Wednesday. Its called "The Lance Romañce Record Hour." Its not really an hour, and its not really a show. Its just me playing some records. But not just any records. I'm only playing adult records. No, that doesn't mean "Ava's Hot Lips," that means that I am playing the kind of music adults listen to, from the Rock N Roll era. Rosemary Clooney, Harry Belafonte, Nat King Cole, Xavier Cugat, Les Baxter, Patti Page, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Ray Anthony..... You know, music that adults listened to. And it will all be very nice. I hope, I'm actually a little nervous because its still an area of music that I'm relatively new to.
But here's the deal: It is, as always, at my almamater The Ocean of Coffee Roasters at 110 and a half Waterman st right here in Providence. It is this Wednesday night, and I hope to start some time before 7pm. The number there is 331-JAVA. It will be broken up by the Comedy Jambory, which I have no idea what it is. But I guess its some comedy team, who I can only assume are going to be lame. But you never know. But who cares??? Come for me, not them. I will be playing more records after words. And you can say HELLO to me. Thank you!!!

So this past week I visited a handful of list members in Welesley, Massachussettes. These elite ladies who attend Welesely College, a bitches-and-hoes only school had me as a guest this week and I would like to thank them for having me over, and tell the rest of you what I learned. Here is an excerpt from my journal about my impessions of the TOWN (not the school) after being there a few hours:

This town is so clean and all. It seems like a small town. It reminds me a lot of Edward Scisorhands. There are a lot of women here, maybe 2 or 3 for every guy I see. There are lots of little kids. I've never seen such a high proportion of little kids and babies. Mini-vans are more common here than SUVs and pick-up trucks combined in Austin. However, I have not noticed many teen agers at all and I can't help but wonder why.
At the magazine racks, there is an abundence of women's magazines, and very few, if any, men's mags. I am wearing my "Sweet Georgia Brown" shirt, which features a topless woman drawn on it. Though she doesn't have nipples, I do feel a little wierd wearing it with all the little kids around and all. But everone around here seems nice. I haven't heard any horns, except from the train, and people will not hesitate to stop their cars to let you cross, which I find very odd. It actually kind of gets on my nerves. I bet people here get hit by cars a lot when they go to the cities.
With all the girls around, I bet this is a great place to raise a boy. He'll never be misreeable! Well, I dunno... Its got to do something to his sexuality. I wonder if this town raises a lot of homo sexuals. I wonder if this place would make a boy super-miserable? Well, I never intend to raise kids much outside of an urban area. I'm very much an outsider here. Or, at least thats my first impression.

So that was an excerpt from my journal. That should give you a good idea of the town. In the end, I found that town disgusting. We went to boston on friday night, and stepping off the bus reminded me of the time when I first moved in to my place in texas and had a gas leak. I didn't really know I had a gas leak until I stepped out side and suddenly started breathing. That town just seemed so plastic and fake, and there was a giant gap. I thought at first maybe I just don't like small towns, but then I remembered last year when I visited Ithica, New York, which is a small upstate town that is VERY remote. And I loved it!!! I think its largly that this town seemed very fake and plastic, and seemed to allow a strong hold by large corperations. In Ithica, I didn't notice any chains in the college dominated area. The only big corperation I noticed was Greyhound Bus. Other than that, it was all very nice shops and resteraunts, very laid back. Not Welesly, though. Two very deiffernt towns.
My hosts for the week were listmember Mama Kat C, who I worked with last summer at Me & Jerry's Ice Cream, and list member Yuri C, who is Mama Kat's room mate. She is from california, and I know her through Kat. The next day, Thursday, Yuri took me to her Women's Studies class, and then to her radio show where I was to play and be interviewed. The show was OK, I felt. I made a tape of it, and didn't like it as much when I listend back to it, but it ended up being fun to do. But the woemn's studies course I found to be rather intresting, actually. The day I went the discussion on hand was body image. I don't know what else they talk about in Women's studies. But being the women's college that Welesly is, it was rather interesting to be in a class with all girls talking about their body image. All though I can assure you that the issues of body image are not strictly a problem to women, women cirtenly have it harder when it comes to that. But what I think about a lot in this is why that is. I mean, the idea that a woman has to be extrordinarily thin and have long golden locks of hair, I mean I know plenty of of girls who are a bit chunky who I think are hot!!!! But none the less, its cirtenly there. I have long found it interesting that the girls in 17 magazine are SO MUCH hotter than the girls in play boy. And I mean SO MUCH hotter!!! Doesn't that seems strange??? The magazine that is supposed to be read by teen aged girls has better looking girls than the magazines aimed at the people who are attracted to them??? Well, of course the reason is advertising. Revlon and The Gap pay people like 17 Magazine and Cosmopolatin to put the hot girls in those magazines and make the girls who read them feel ugly. That way, you will go out and spend money at the gap and buy revlon products. Thats all these magazines do is tell girls their ugly. I never understand why people will read these magazines that tell them their ugly. "You think I'm ugly??? Well, when does your next issue come out?" The thing is the only reason these magazines tell you your ugly is cause of the advertisers. How many people remember the old "Sassy"??? In teh early 1990's, "Sassy" was quite the magazine. It would steer girls away from these things, and wasn't just a giant clothing and make up guide. It was a respecatble magazine that girls could read and feel good about them selves. But the advertisers complained, and eventually the editers were fired and the magazine became just like all the others.
What also bothers me about this though is the response to the advertisers. Here is all the companies who not only hire magazines to make you feel bad about your self and tell you your ugly, but the DESTROY the publications who tell you you look nice. What irks me is the girls respnes to these companies. "You say I am ugly??? Well, let me spend money at your store." Geez, when a store tells you your ugly, you don't continue shopping there. You leave. Why would you want to give these people your money???
One girl in this woman's syudies class told the story of when her and her friend, a large girl, went to Victoria's Secret to pick out something sexy to wear for her friend. The store clerk, seeing how fat the girl was, told her bluntly "We don't have any thing for people like you." The girls left. Thats what every one should do.
I don't mean to single women out, as men do the same thing. Its just that this was inspired by a women's studies class.

The first letter is from Jackie D. of Hook'em, Horns!!!!!

Well hello Lance,

I'm afraid I haven't written back yet, and you've already forgotten our brief email affair.  I'm that girl who found your 4 year old penis on the web, and has to submit an autobiography for homework. 

Well, In West Philidelphia, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days, chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside the school, when a couple of guys that were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said "you're movin' with your uncle and auntie in Bel-Air".  I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and had dice in the mirror, if anything I could say this cab was rare but I thought nah, forget it, yo home to Bel-Air.  I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "yo home, smell ya later".  I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

So that's me.

But I'm currently located in Gainesville, FL and going to University of Florida, as an art and english major.   As for your other questions...

<Who does she do her photo projects for????>  Well, that particular penis-wonting project was just for fun, not for Art, and it was for my boyfriend, although it went sorely unappreciated.  If you'd like to see it, you can at http://www.geocities.com/jaxiestart/pinup02   You can see your penis in painting in the 'January' shot.  If you'd like to return the favor, please send all photo projects to this email address.

<What does her penis look like???>  small and slightly to the left.

Well, I'm off to bed, since tomorrow I'm going to take my sacriligious self to see the late and great Willie Ames of Charles in Charge fame as... BIBLEMAN!!!  (copyright 2002, no batteries included).  If you ever wondered what Willie Ames was up to, now you can find out at http://www.bibleman.com  Thanks for all the fun, and where did all the list-serve emails go? 

Jackie D

Dear Jackie,
I took a look at your pictures. My favorite one was the Febuary, the one with the nurse. How is the weather down in Florida??? Up here its getting to be pretty warm. They say it will hit the 1980's tomarrow.
Love,
Lance

List member Javed M. passed the following on to me, and I guess its kind of appropriate with the rest of the mailing list. When you pass it on, make sure only to send IT on and not my entire mailing list.

>On NPR's Morning Edition last week, Nina Tottenberg said that if the
>Supreme Court supports Congress, it is in effect the end of the National
>Public Radio (NPR), NEA and the Public Broadcasting System (PBS). PBS, NPR
>and the parts are facing major cutbacks in funding. In spite of the
>efforts of each station to reduce spending costs and streamline their
>services, some government officials believe that the funding currently
>going to these programs is too large a portion of funding for something
>which is seen as not worthwhile. The only way that our representatives can
>be aware of the base of support for PBS and funding for these types of
>programs is by making our voices heard
>
>Please add your name to this list and forward it to friends who believe in
>what this stands for. This list will be forwarded to the President and the
>Vice President of the United States. This petition is being passed around
>the Internet. Please add your name to it so that funding can be maintained
>for NPR, PBS, the NEA.
>
>HOW TO SIGN and FORWARD: IT'S EASY: Please keep this petition rolling. Do
>not reply to me. Please sign and forward to others to sign.
>
>DON'T WORRY ABOUT DUPLICATES. This is being forwarded to several people at
>once to add their names to the petition. It won't matter if many people
>receive the same list as the names are being managed. This is for anyone
>who thinks NPR/PBS is a worthwhile expenditure of $1.12/year of their
>taxes, a petition follows.
>
>If you prefer not to sign, please don't kill it -- send it to the Email
>address listed here: wein2688@blue.univnorthco.edu
>
>If you happen to be the 150th, 200th, 250th, etc., signer of this
>petition, please forward a copy to: wein2688@blue.univnorthco.edu This way
>we can keep track of the lists and organize them.
>
>NOTE: It is preferable that you SELECT (highlight) the entirety of this
>letter and then COPY it into a new outgoing message, rather than simply
>forwarding it. In your new outgoing message, add your name to the bottom
>of the list, then send it on.
>851) Gertrude C Nuttman, Burlingame, CA 94010
>852) Claudette D. Schiratti, Shawnee, KS 66203
>853) Jean M. Dawson, Billings, MT 59102
>854) Nancy M. Skadden, Sturgeon Bay WI 54235
>854) Debra Skadden, Minneapolis, MN 55407
>855) Eileen M. Rowley, Mellenville, NY 12544(form. Eileen M.Goodspeed)
>856) Chris Fisk, Ballston Lake, N. Y. 12019
>857) Ronald Thomas, Leonia NJ
>858) Thomas Hill, Cambridge, Ma. 02140.
>859) Peter McKinney, Cambridge, MA 02138
>860) Laurence Sperry, Brighton, MA 02135
>861) Elizabeth Dowey, Somerville , MA 02144
>862) Bill Barbeau, Somerville, MA 02144
>863) Kathleen Schnaidt, Dorchester, MA 02125
>864) John Rich, Dorchester, MA 02125
>865) Amy Newell, Brookline, MA 02446
>866) John and Ellen Newell, West Newton, MA 02465
>867) Constance Congdon, Amherst,MA 01002
>868) Arthur Kopit, New York, NY 10011
>869) David Shire, Palisades, NY 10964
>870) Didi Conn, Palisades, NY 10964
>871) John Phillips, Burbank, CA. 91505
>872) Peter Van Norden, Sherman Oaks, CA. 91411
>873) Michael DeVries, South Pasadena, CA 91030
>874) Shannon C. Klasell, New York, NY 10036
>875) Theresa D. Irrera, Fresh Meadows, N.Y. 11366
>876) Heather M. Dominick, New York, NY 10012
>877) Melanie Gold, New York, NY 10024
>878) Jamie Winnick, New York 10023
>879) John Long, Torrington, CT 06790
>880) Margo Zelie, Torrington, CT 06790
>881) Michael Allain Torrington, CT 06790
>882) David Smolover, Lakeside, CT 06758
>883) Nathaniel Gunod, Northfield, CT
>884) Stephen Aron, Mansfield, OH
>885) Klondike Steadman
>886) Steve Kostelnik
>887) Will Riley, Boston, MA 02131
>888) Masumi Yoneyama, Somerville, MA 02143
>889) Sonja Lynne, Woodlyn, PA 19094
>890) Rhoda Scott N. Long Branch, NJ 07740
>891) Gordon Harris, Somerset, NJ 08873
>892) Augustine Amegadzie, Somerset, NJ 08873
>893) Bernard Amegadzie, Indianapolis, IN 46236
>894) Senyo Opong, Wilmington, DE 19808
>895) Concetta LaMarca, Wilmington, DE 19802
>896) Ellen Lebowitz. Newark, DE 19711
>897) Dave Johnsrud Paramus, NJ 07652
>898) Katherine Richardson, Amherst, NH 03031
>899) Dr. Natacha Villamia Sochat, Amherst, NH03031
>900) Dr. Michael Sochat, Amherst, NH 03031
>901) Jack Nunberg, Missoula, MT 59802
>902) Meg Trahey, Missoula, MT 59802
>903) Lishan Su, Chaple Hill, NC 27516
>904) Yan Li, Chapel Hill, NC 27516
>905) Tian Xu, New Haven, CT 06510
>906) Peter Tattersall, New Haven, CT 06510
>907) Ian Maxwell, Denver, CO 80207
>908) Dusty Miller, Seattle, WA 98105
>909) Sandy Haight, Seattle, WA 98112
>910) Kaaren Janssen, Guilford, CT 06437
>911) Ira Mellman, Guilford, CT 06437
>912) Michael Bobker, Brooklyn, NY 11238
>913) Marta Panero, Brookly, NY 11238
>914) Guido De Marco, Brooklyn, NY 11201
>915) Josh Bivens, Brooklyn, NY 11205
>916) George S. Chase IV, New York, NY 10009
>917) Nina Morrison, New York, NY 10028
>918) Joe Schiappa, Huntington, CT 06484
>919) Shira Piven
>920) Adam McKay
>921) Lisa Rosman, Brooklyn, NY 11238
>922) David Evans, Brooklyn, NY 11211
>923) Michelle Caulfield, Brooklyn NY 11238
>924) Michael La Fon, Brooklyn NY 11238
>925) Hildur Lindgren Carlen, Brooklyn NY 11201
>926) Conrad Carlen, Brooklyn NY 11201
>927) Jessica Gohlke, Brooklyn, Ny 11205
>928) Madelon Sprengnether, Minneapolis MN 55414
>929) Tom Clayton, St. Paul, MN 55104
>930) Judith Martin, Minneapolis, MN. 55401
>931) Patricia McDonnell, Curator, Weisman Art
>Museum, Minneapolis, Minnesota
>932) Megan Fox, New York, NY 10003
>933) Elizabeth Glassman, New York, NY 10016
>934) Sarah Burt, Santa Fe 87505
>935) Rita L Sooby, Lawrence, KS 66046
>936) Randy Blom, Long Beach, CA. 90802
>937) William Richardson, Covington, GA 30016
>938) Robert Halcums, Covington, GA 30016
>939) Vicki Lange, Alpharetta, GA 30022
>940) Sue Alexander, Novato, CA. 94947
>941) Genevieve Vierling, Point Reyes Station, CA 94956
>942) Nancy Fischer, Boca Raton, FL 33487
>943) Chet Meeks, Albany, NY 12208
>944) Ann Tollefson, Casper, WY 826011
>945) Lew Bagby, Laramie, WY 82072
>946) Stephen E. Williams , Laramie, WY 82072
>947) Wendy S. Hutchinson, Gillette, WY 82717
>948) Roy S. Liedtke, Gillette, WY 82718
>949) Claire Dunne, Manderson, WY 82432
>950) Susan M. Gabriel, Brooklyn, NY 11218
>951) Jessica Katz, Brooklyn, NY 11215
>952) Joan Parry, Manhasset, NY 11030
>953) Maureen Rothschild DiTata, Rockville Centre,New York 11570
>954) Joy Kotrch, Brooklyn, New York
>955) Celeste Alexander, New York, NY 10024
>956) Charlotte Surkin, New York, NY 10011
>957) Stephanie Low, New York, NY 10029
>958) Phyllis Fay Farmer
>960) Katherine Harris, New York, NY
>961) Jacqueline S. Harris, Wilmington, DE 19803
>962) Jane Strobach
>963) Susan Radovich
>964) Andrea Strobach, Knapp, WI
>965) Gail Tourville, Menomonie,Wi.
>966) Cat Thompson, Hudson, WI
>967) Mary Bendtsen, St. Paul, MN
>968) Patrick Rivard, New Brighton MN
>969) Katie Rivard, New Brighton MN
>970) Kitty Schneider, Minneapolis, MN
>971) Pamela McInnes, St. Paul, MN
>972) Keith McInnes, Newton, MA
>973) Patricia McCaffrey, Newton, MA
>974) Susan Almquist, Lexington MA
>975) Robert L. Poley, Boulder CO
>976)Karen Sharp, Boulder, CO
>977) Gretchen Colbert, Lakewood, CO
>978) Leah Hamilton, Littleton, CO
>979) Mike Weiker, Littleton, CO
>980) Carole Tillotson, Evergreen, CO
>981) Emery Gordon, El Granada, Ca
>982) Chris Madison, El Granada, Ca
>983) Tamsin Orion, San Francisco, CA 94103
>984) Marianne Gammon
>985) Sam Gammon
>986) Sarah Irwin, Austin, TX. 78736
>987) Shake Russell, Austin, TX. 78736
>988) Victoria Harper, Houston, TX 77006
>989) Julie Robertson, San Angelo, TX 76904
>990) Renee French, Austin, Texas 78746
>991) Valerie R. Zeller, Leander, TX 78641
>992) Linda Butler, OD, Freehold, NJ 07728
>993) Rolande Kelting, Enfield, CT 06082
>994) Lee Kelting, Tolland, CT 06084
>995) Carl Fossum, W. Simsbury, CT 06092
>996) Debbie Stein, Rockville, MD 20852
>997) Bill and Dorothy Grobman
>998) Milton and Hannah Kaplan
>999) Ben and Jeanne Milder
>1000) Roma and Raymond Wittcoff, Scottsdale, AZ 85258
>1001) Colin Graham, Saint Louis, Missouri
>1002) Jane and Robert Feibel, Saint Louis, MO 63124
>1003) Marcella Allison, Cincinnati, OH 45211
>1004) Valerie Chronis Bickett Cincinnati, OH 45232
>1005) Valentine Bickett Yellow Springs, OH 45387
>1006) Kimberly Katz, Atlanta, GA 30322
>1007) Laurie Brand, Los Angeles, CA 90042
>1008) Jerry Bender, Culver City, CA 90232
>1009) Sandra Taylor, Los Angeles, CA 90043
>1010) C.S. Whitaker, Palm Springs, CA 92262
>1011) Eliza H. Miller, NYC, NY 10024
>1012) Lucile Blanchard, Middletown, CT 06457
>1013) Eileen Rice, Castleton, NY 10233
>1014) Drea Leanza, Albany, NY 12208
>1015) Susan Haney, East Greenbush, NY 12144
>1016) Mary McMillen, Lockport, NY 14094
>1017) Willard G. Ulmer. Chatham, NY 12037
>1018) Marion L. Ulmer, Chatham, NY 12037
>1019) Pat Diggins, Mesquite Texas 75149
>1020) Drew Diggins, Midland, Tx 79705
>1021) Wanda E. Tillman, Mystic, CT 06355
>1022) Van M. Brown, Mystic, CT 06355
>1023) Douglas E. Snow, Newport, RI 02840
>1024) James D. Cooke, Newport, RI 02830
>1025) Keith S. Dempster, Providence, RI 02906
>1026) James D. Olson, Providence, RI 02906
>1027) Yared Wube, Providence, RI 02906
>1028) Mark Kaloudis, Providence, RI 02906
>1029) Alexis Simmering, Providence, RI 02906
>1030) Javed Memon, Providence, RI  02906
>1031) Ben Garber, Providence, RI 02906


The other day I picked up the new 10" by the Breeders. And let me tell you, its a great one. I'm sensing a really good album coming up, the album of the year. When was the last time you picked up just a greatly magnificent Modern Rock album??? Well, I think the Breeders "Title TK," coming out next month after years and years of delays, is going to be the first great modern just plum rock album in years. Thats something has been rarely seen since the early 1990s, when countless great albums came out one after another. I'm very excited. I am really hoping that this will kill this horrable lull we've been in over the past few years. Doubtful, but at least one ray of light in an other wise extrordinarily dark period.

Anyhoo, that should do it for now. Or will it......? I hope you all have enjoyed this mailing, and hope you will all write back, and by all means stop shoping at the gap. Oh, and come to my show wednesday.

Love,
Celebrating More Than Ten Years Of Puberty,
Lance Romañce


Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
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