226: Toot!! Toot!! Mambo Train!!!
4:5:02 7\09Nite
Hi there. Welcome back to your email box. And to welcome you back, here is Lance Romañce... HELLO EVERY ONE!!! THIS IS LANCE ROMAÑCE!!!!! HOW ARE YOU DOING!!!! I'm doing well. Today, the only ailment I have is loose stools. Although, since I do kind of enjoy it, i might not consider it an ailment. More of a delightenment. Oh, and some one dropped a stool on my foot so I have a bruise.

Today is a pretty nice day. The wether is in the low 40s, I think. Its not FREEZING out, so that is a nice thing. With a jacket on, the temperature is just right. There are birds tweeting and leaves growing back on the trees. The sky is decently blue, and the smell of garbage trucks is in the air. The streets are covered with road kill, and the nabors are nazis. It is a very nice day. Well, maybe there is just a little snow today. But other than that, its very nice.
One day, April 7th 1997, I was on my way home from HIGH SCHOOL when I was noticing what a beutiful day it was. I decided it was such a beutiful day, it should be a holiday, called "Beutiful Day." You celebrate this day every year on April 7th by going for a walk in the park. Every year since then, and it has been 5 years now, April 7th has been a beutiful day. All though, I was in Lance Vegas for it last year, and the year before that I was technicly in Boston. But never have I been in Providence on April 7th since 1997 and had to deal with rain, snow or cold weather. Its always been just a nice sunny day. And, the wetherman seems to think this year will be no different. High 50s!!! So, if you are around for it, let me know an we will go for a walk.

So, for the past 3 years I have been working. Well, guess what. Guess what. Guess what. I am going back to school next year. Back to Berklee College of Music. Ugh!!!!! Woopie. Great. Bleh. ANy hoo, I'll be back at Berklee next year studying Music Production And Engineering. It will be wierd being the old man I am with a bunch of little kids fresh out of high school. But kind of exciting. You know, Lance Romañce's social forte is high school kids. I never really grew up much past that, and haven't had any social situations as strong as when I finished high school, so thats why I tend to get a long real well with them. Grown ups are so different. I never know what to talk about with them. Grown ups are for the birds. I like old people. I like to talk about back in the day with them. Really old people and high school kids, those will always be my peers.
So any hoo. I am going back to Berklee. I will be playing drums again. I am only going part time so I can concentrate on other things. Also, I am hoping that soon, I can convince my parents to help me get some professional recording equipment and a new drum set, because they are items for school. I am still using the drumset I got when I was 15 and its just not suitable for professional use. I think we would also be able to write thse things off our taxes because they are for school. Isnt that kind of neat??? To me, a drum set is a school supply in the same way trapper keepers are school supplies to you. To me, a reel to reel tape deck is a school supply. But anyhoo, I have to do a drum audition this Tuesday. I am abit nervouse because I haven't played the drums in hardly 2 years!!! I am very out of practice, and need to do a lot of work to get to where I was. And I don't remember any of the Latin or Afro-Cuban rhythms which are very important at Berklee, and which I hope to incorperate more into Lance Romañce next time around. So for the past days, non stop, I have been practicing to the poing where I can't control my limbs any more. Samba, Mosambique, Mambo, Bossa Nova... these are what I'm trying to brush up on the most. I'm sure I'll do fine, and I've explained my situation to the guy doing the audition, but I want to do as good as possable, because I know I am at a higher level than I will sound like on tuesday.
Also, I have to spend this weekend Boston for more interviews. Good thing is that I'm not getting interviewed. I am interviewing. You know that big 7-bedroom house I told you about??? We are showing it to 4 people this weekend. If you would like to see it, please let me know. Its at 747 Islamabad street. Ask me if you want to know the real address.

The first letter this week is from listmember Julie F. of Corn County:

Hey Ben! So, I thought I should write and tell you a little something about my spring vacation. After all, three nights of it was spent in your city of Lance Vegas. I have to say, I was quite impressed. While my trip did not include nearly as many exciting stories as yours, I did win ten dollars playing video poker. I guess that was the highlight of my trip. That and seeing the "Cheetahs" strip club each night as we drove back to our hotel. Next time I'll stay longer and see if I can get a job there. Anyway, the majority of my vacation was spent in Death Valley which is beautiful but I'm sure you're not nearly as interested in that. Oh, I almost bought myself a Vegas visor so that we could be twins but then decided that was an awful idea. Anyway, I hope all is well, I'm glad to hear you're back in Providence. I'll be home in 2 months, maybe you can take me out to a fancy dinner again. Take care! Love, Julie

Dear Julio,
Hi Julie!!!! Yeah, I never went to Chetahs because its only a topless bar. For those who don't know, Cheetah's is the strip club featured in the movie "Show Girls". I went to a great strip club in N. Lance Vegas called the Palamino. That please a hoot and a hollar and a hollar!! They have amature contest every night at 11. If you win you get 100 bucks. Next time we go to Lance Vegas, we should go and you can do it, and we will split the money.
I don't know why you think I wouldn't be intrested in death valley. After all, it is called Death Valley. I actually have a video about the role death valley played in the ol' western gold rush. I like gold.
What hotel did you stay at??? I wish you had got me more visors. I have two of the same one, but I know they won't last forever, so I want to get more of the same. Anyhoo, when you get back we will go to a fancy resteraunt every wednesday. You can be my wednesday girl.

The second letter comes from Lani R. of the Port Authority:

hi ben-

hope all is well with you back in providence. good luck on that drum thing. dont hurt yourself too bad. i'm looking to purchase another vibrator. do you know of any good ones? i've been told about the butterfly and the oscillator. maybe you can help me out a little. its been quite an exciting vacation for me. 4 dates with different guys. I made out with a girlfriend of mine and saw lots of movies. all and all, its been an adventure.


Dear Lani,
You've come to the right place!!!! Those are both very good ones. Next time I stop by, posibly next week, I will bring you some samples of each and help you use them. I can teach you how to get the most out of your vibrator. In exchange, I want you to invite your friend over and make out.

Remember to write YOUR letter right now. Go ahead, just hit the respond button.

Ugh, records. I have been coloecting records since 1993. Thats almost a decade!!! I had records when I was younger, some sesame street and disney records, and the ghost busters sound track, on my little fisher price record player. But growing up in the 1980s meant largely sticking to cassette tapes. I happily listened to tapes until the 5th grade when we got a CD player, and by 1991 I was all about CDs. I was in to top 40 at the time, my favorite bands through that period were Bell Biv Devoe, Digital Underground, Young MC and En Vogue.
By 7th Grade I was in love with En Vogue, and had a particular thing for one member in particular, Dawn Robinson. Also by 7th Grade, I had a music collection going. I was very into top 40 and my favorite magazine was Billboard, which I read regularly, and still pick up occasionaly today. Billboard was a great source because it told me for what songs were Maxi-Singles available. This was great and helpped me in building my collection of remixes, which is what I was really into at the time. I loved remixes, and got a good handfull of wacky and obscure ones. From a hip-hop of EMF's "Unbelievable" to a version of Naught By Nature's "Hip Hop Hooray" mixed together with "Paranoid" by Black Sabbeth. En Vogue fit perfectly into the scheme of things because they released a maxi single for almost every single that they released. My Lovin, Free Your Mind.... And they released a good 5 or 6 singles off of Funky Divas. Well, the last two singles, they didn't put them out on CD. They released them only as 12" singles. So, to keep up on the game, I got myself both of them. One day, after years of being told that CDs sounded better than records, I decided to do my own test. I played the record, and compared it to the version on the album that I had on CD. I was quite sirprised to when I discovered the opposite was true. Hence, the next time I went out to buy maxi-singles, I bought them all on 12" adn was never disapointed, and my record collection was under way, and my faith better choice is supposed to be was undermined. You can thank En Vogue for all of it.
So, nearly a decade later. My colection has a grown a bit. From a pyle of about 20 to some where in the nabor hood of 2 or 3 thousand!!! I have everything!!!! From the classic rock I listened to as a pre-teen, to the 90s music i listend to more closely in my late teens, the rockabilly and oldies I listend to in my early 20s, and the lounge and exotica that I listen to now. And then there are lots of other types of music I have collected along the way. But, man oh man it is so disorganised. I have been going through my record collection a lot lately, hopelessly trying to find just one or two records, then doing the same thing the next day. Every thing is so dissarayed and messy. There is no order what so ever in my collection. If I told you to bring find one of my Sing A Long With Mitch records, you would be so over whelmed that your hair would catch on fire. A collection this size demands to be organised well. But the problem is organising a collection this size, even just rough organisation, has great demands. I sit there some times, staring at my records, wanting to start, but unsure how or where. Its too over whelming. So what should I do??? Should I just let it sit??? But I just can't keep flipping through the entire collection, just to find the soundtrack from Mary Poppins, a movie witch I could watch two or three times in the amount of time it takes me to go through that collection. Well, maybe not quite that long, but you get the idea.
So all I can conclude is that I knead help. Some time sonn, maybe over the summer, I am hoping you can help me. First, we will come up with a plan so that we can go through the collection efficiently and as quickly as possable. Then we will alphabetise them. Then, some time in the near future, maybe imediately, maybe in a week or two, we will go through them again, and catalog them.
I know. I've made it sound like such a pain in the arse. So why would you want to do it??? Well, in actuallity, its only only a pain in the arse if you have to do it alone. But, if there are whole bunch of use doing it, it could be kind of fun. We get to listen to redords all day and order pizza. And you get a free tape of anything you want as my gift to you. On top of that, you get to see my entire collection!!!! Everything!!! From my James Iha solo record to my box set of Michael Jackson telling the story of ET. I honestly have that!!! And theres a poster inside of a thriller-era Michael Jackson and ET together!!! I have Jack Nicolson telling the story of The Elephant's Child with Bobby McFarron. And those are just the novelties. I also have most of the records that yould would find in your average teen ager's collection from every period in the last 50 years. I have a complete Guns N Roses collection, including The Spaghetti Incident on orange vinyl. I have Superunknown on blue vinyl with two bonus tracks, and more Nirvana B-sides than you knew existed. Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyed. It might knock your socks off but I even have a record by (gasp) the.... thee... dave ... mathews band!!! I have never opened it, but I really do have everything. I have local music that you would only know if you lived in Providence, I have world music that no one has really heard of in english speaking countries, but are very popular in other countries. So, I hope you will help me go through it this summer. You know I would go though yours if you had the same problem, because I love you.

Anyhoo, the reason I bring that up is because, I will remind you twice more possibly, but I have the Lnace Romañce record hour coming up in less than two weeks. One week from Wednesday, the 17th I believe, I will be preforming at Ocean Coffee for more than an hour. I will be playing between the hours of maybe 6 and 9, with my show broken up by some comedy team. I will not be playing my own music that night though. I will be playing music that I own. Just spinning some of my reords. The theme for the night will be Adult Music. That doesn't mean XXX music, it means the kind of music that Adults listened to durring the rock n roll era. Nat "King" Cole, Harry Belafonte, Perez Prado, Rosemary Clooney.... I will be spinninga ll the greats as well as the lost, forgotton and unknowns that just have the right sound. I will continue to remind you and I hope that you will come by and enjoy some tea or coffee while I play some gentle music that will help you sleep better.

Last week I made a little blurb about how I hated hotmail and I want you should all change to something else. I thought I would explain why. Hotmail doesn't like me sending you my mailing lists. Every week when I send it out, hotmail sends it back several hours later. I have tried sending out the mailing list to you indavidually, so it just seems like a regular email and not a mailing list. What this means, is that hotmail routinely rejects lagitamate email that is being sent to you. Many of you have written me before so it shouldn't be mistaken for junk email. In the end, I end up having to actually cut lines from my mailing list, so you hot mail people are not getting the whole thing. So for that reason, I hope you will consider changing to another service. Yahoo works fine, as do other free web-based email services.

So long!!! Remember to write in a letter. Oh, and while your at it, get some more people to subscribe. Until next time, I hope to be getting a massage!!!

Vice-President of The Society for Anglo-Saxon Awareness,
Lance "Buffalo Stance" Romañce

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