220: Abraham Lincoln's Birthday
2:12:02 10\48Nite
Hi everybody. Its new mailing list day. Every body gather round, see the new mailing list. Whats in store? This week??? I haven't decided yet. I am just going to start writing and see what turns up. But, I am yet to have anything in mind to write about.

I am sitting around, listening to waltzes. I like waltzes alot. There is something joyous about them. I have listening to more music lately from the 1890s, frequently referred to as the Gay 90s because they were such a happy time. Music was often listend to by seeing a live band, or putting a nickle into a player piano, or a nickelodeon. Nickelodeons are real neat contraptions. They are a whole band that plays automaticly, by itself. You often think of them as being at circuses and stuff, the old circus, before PT Barnum and F. Lee Baily joind forces. When it would be under a couple of different tents. They used to have one of them things in Boston, around christmas time out side Macy's. I don't know if they still get it there, but it was there in 1998. I haven't seen it since.
The title of my new album has been decided upon. I will call it "Lance Romañce Lights The Moon Up With A Smile." It was between that and "Songs To Make Your Panties Water," which I will save later for an instrumental album called "Instumental Music To Make Your Panties Water." Then my christmas album will come out, "Seamon's Creamings From Lance Romañce," and my leap day record, tennitively titled "Lance Romañce Celebrates Leap Day" and then under neath it will say "witha brand new record!!!". All though, thats not yet confirmed as the title. That won't be out for another 2 years any hoo. Leap day was first put into use by Julias Ceaser, durring the year 46 bc.

I've decided I'm not going to get another job. Insted, I'm just going to be great. I don't think I can be great and have another job and be great at the same time, so I had to chose one, and I've made my choice.

Hidden behind my website, is a thing called wusage, at http://www.giantrats.com/wusage that tells me about the kinds of things people are doing at me=y website. It doesn't tell me WHO is visiting particularly, but I get a good idea of what people are downloading and shit like that. One thing that I like a lot that it tells me is how people are getting to my site: what web sites are linking to mine, and what seach engines people are using to find it. One of my favorite things it tells me is what people are generally searching for when that will bring up an article on my web site. Well, here is a list of the top ten things, durring the week of Febuary 4th, that people are searching the web for when they find my website. This is a pretty representative week.

Rank Search Keyword(s) Accesses
1 penis 480 49.33
2 tits 87 8.94
3 ass 26 2.67
4 giantrats 20 2.06
5 "penis" 19 1.95
6 baby penis 13 1.34
7 big tits 11 1.13
8 penis enlargement 11 1.13
9 huge penis 10 1.03
10 big penis 9 0.92

There you go! Those people are what I like to call "my demographic."

Today, Febuary 12th, is Abraham Lincoln's 193 years old. In honor of our 17th president, I thought I would write up a breif biography.

Andrew Johnson was born in Raleigh, North Carolina on Decmber 29th, 1808. The younger of two, his father was a porter, and died when Andrew was just 3 years old. His mother made cloth to support the family. He learned how to spin, weave, sew, andd other things of the sort from his mother, and at age 14 became a tailor. At age 19, his family moved to Greeneville, TN, where he opended up his own tailor shop, which became one of the top tailer shops in town. Inside, however, Johnson held strong political will skill, and became a member of the town coucil at just 21. He was eleccted mayor of Greeneville just 2 years later. Johnson served three terms on the Tennesee state legislature until moving up to Congress in 1852.
Despite his climb up the political latter, Johnson was not a fan of government. He distrysted all government, from local to national. He also made clear his position against the United States consitution: He was against it. He felt that the fedearl governent should not interfear so much with peoples lives. He felt the same way about state government. Essentially, what he wanted to do was get the government off his back. He felt the governemt should be far more limited.
Johnson was a racist. He was pro-slavery, and even had a few slaves himself at this point. How ever, when the south had grown so restless that it wanted to break from the union, he became more patriotic and and pro-union, and started represnting political groups that were against slavery. Johnson's representation of the south, yet anti-slavery position, is what attracted him to Abraham Lincoln, who appointed him military govener, and later his running mate. When Abraham Lincoln was killed in 1965, Johnson became the almighty President.
Being President after Abraham Lincoln was not as easy it might seem. Largely because the civil war had just happend, and the entire country was quite bitter. Johnson was a white supremecist, owned slaves, and didn't like the feds interfearing. On the other hand, he did have mild compassion for slaves, and wanted to get the union back together quickly. He allowed the sounthern states to make their own decisions on slavery. When congress proposed an amendment to protect blacks, Johnson vetoed it. Many members of the government tried to have him impeached, but were narrowly unsuccesful, with the senate just one vote short. Johnson continued his term and bought the russian owned Alaska in 1866.
Johnson remained President until 1869, after being defeated in the primaries. He was very unpopular, and retired for the few years, before returning to the senate in 1874. He is the only President to be a senator after his presidency. He didn't stay in that seat long, as he died just 5 months later, at the age of 67.

There you have it. The 17th president of the united states. I don't know how well I did on that essay, do I really nderstand Johnson's presidency??? If you have aany way of knowing, please, let me know how I did. Happy birthday President Lincoln!!
As you may recall, I read my first cover to cover book last summer, being Catcher In The Rye. Since then, I have started several books, and gotten considerably through just a handful. Last night, I finely completed a second book: Ralph Nader's new book "Crashing The Party." It was pretty good, I redomend it. My next books will hopefully be On The Road by Jack Kerouac, and that book about how Abraham Lincoln was a racist.


The first letter this week is from Jenny L, who for some reason, has been calling herself Rabecca lately:

Lance I wanted to let you know that you are the craziest mother fucker I know and I hope that you don't forget the list members that love you when you become a soopa staa
Love Rebecca

Dear Jenny,
I have no intrest in becoming a super star. I'm happy just mooning people.
Love,
Lance

The second latter is from Scott A. from A Hole In The Ground:

Benjomino,
write about dick cheney and how he should go to hell.
or um.. how your planning a big dance party in providence..
OR write about how buddy cianci is planning to take over the world, from his
headquarters in the biltmore. and hes going to have big robots march around
and explode things, and all these banners of his face will come down and be
around providence. and he'll rule with a tyranical fist. and then he'll kill
george bush and sleep with his wife. and then kill her too. and then him and
osama bin blah blah will commit terroist acts but they'll be harsher acts,
like toilet papering and smashing mailboxes, and kicking dents in cars. and
spray painting "terroism rules" or "america blows"
or you could write about how much scott hates suvs. and he's going to start
producing bumper stickers for a smaller car campaign.. and public service
anouncements for tv about it.
or you could just write what you've been doing in texas which is what we all
really want to know about anyway.
all my love,
scott.


Dear Scott,
I would love to join you on your anti big car campaign, but I do like big cars. I am a lincoln continental kind of guy. One of my life loong ambitions to to ride along in a super long 59 cadilac eldorado with the top down, hi fi spinning around, tail fins so high youd they rip open airplanes, the head lites replates with strobe lites, and speeding down the interstate mathews in view, right in the middle of my hood orniment. Thump, Thump. I would much prefer that to Honda Civic or one of them new volaks wagons. So, no, I can't join your campaign. I hate SUVs, but at least here in Texas, they are classified as trucks.
Love,
Lance

Well, as you can see from the fact I had the same letters section last week, I have run out of letters. Please, by all means, write in.

Any hoo, I'm off to the the chopping mall. I will see you all when I'm done hacking people. Happy Birthday Abe, Happy Valentines Day Ladies, and A Ho Ho Ho St. Nick. Oh, speaking of St. Nick, a few months ago, I made an error in my mailing list. First one in 8 years!!! Well, I said one of my favorite christmas songs is the Platters version of White Christmas. Whoops, my bad! I ment to say the Drifters version.

Word em up, peace em out!!! Seee yall on the flip side!

Love,
A Graceful Dancer,
Lance Romañce


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