188: What Are you talking About, Groucho? That doesn't go there!
1:19:01 6\39Morn

Good morning, losers and morons. Lance Romañce here, writing you again, as another Elvis Day has past. In honor of Elvis's 66th Birthday, the devil's birthday, I am going to give everyone a bagel. Maybe. Also, happy birthdays to list member Laura S.

I have another concert coming up. The people at the Munch House in Olnyville, here in providence, want to book me. They want me to play alone, so i will not have a band. INsted, it will be me playing drums with my feet, bass with my hands and singing with my tung. A date has not yet been confirmed, but keep checking my web site if I don't email yall first.

Ah, love... The sweet smell of a girl. A young girl, who has spent the night in my bed. Is there a sweeter smell? Well, apparently so. I just made a delicious fart, and let me tell you nothing smells sweeter than this one.

So last week I mentioned briefly that I had gotten in trouble at work for sexual hurassment. What happoned "You ask?". Well, as of recent, when I was saying good buy to people, no matter who it was, I would say "Good Night, Ladies!!!" It didn't matter who, even the security guard at the book store when I was leaving at nighht, every night i would say to him "good night, ladies." I found it mildly amusing, as did the security guard and most of the people I said it to, i do believe. And everything was going just dandy untill one mid-december evening, some faggy-ass gay mother fucker named Art took it as an anti-gay remark and the next morning i was called into the office of Caroline Miller, one of the big managers in the store who works in her own office upstairs, and was given a talking to. Well, the woman who talked to me told me that I've been rude to people, including customers. Me rude??? She was attacking the very core and basis of my personality, which hurt my fragile feelings. Honest to god!!! The fact of the matter is I'm a very nice boy, especially to customers, and I work hard at work, and I'm proud of myself, and shes telling me I'm just the opposite. Well what the fuck does she know??? She spends all her time in an office upstairs and really has no way of knowing, so i know she doesnt know what shes talking about.
Now, this gay fellow who was offended, I have never had anything against him. I didn't even know he was gay until he got all offended. I still don't really know, I just figure its the only explanation why he could get so offended. Any hoo, I have nothing against the fellow, and the lady who was giving me a talking to says that I should go and apolagise to him. I aggree on this point, so after I've been talked to, I go down stairs and say "Hey, Art. Sorry if i offended you, i didn't mean anything about it."
"Its over, don't worry about it," he says, and if i remember correctly, he said it in an obnoxious tone. This pisses me off because I just got a talking to because he got so offended, so if its over and it doesnt matter, why the fuck did i still get in trouble???? Now this pissed me off.
The next morning, being Monday morning, i get called into Dianne Afzel's office, who is an equally big manager as the other woman. Now I tell her everything before she even said anything. I told her that i apolagised to big gay Art (he's not really big, that just sounded good.), and that after apolagising he said it didn'tmatter so I wasn't sure what the big deal was any more." She then says in a big voice "Well, I think its a very big deal!!" Aperantly, saying "Goodnight ladies" is sexual hurassment. So here i am being accused of sexual hurassment, I was with in inches of being fired. For the next week, every single day, despite how much work I did for the bookstore, miss Dianne Afzel would call me aside and tell me the she wanted me to do more work and not talk to any body. She honestly didn't want me talking to ANY body!!! But thats what you do at work half the day is talk to people. I'm being singled out because I said the wrong thing to Big Gay Art. I've been growing tired of the bookstore as of late, as they pay me too little and the new people who have been being hired have been nothing but horrable. I have been getting particularly sick of my job since september. Now, don't get me wrong, i still love a lot of the people who work at the bookstore, but there are enough people i didn't like, management was giving me a hard time every single day, so i went up to Joan, the lady who makes the scheduals every week, who i like a lot, and i says to her, I says "don't put me on the schedual next week."
My last day at work was Saturday, december 23rd. I left for my afternoon break that day at about 4 o'clock, and never came back. A wonderful exit.
Now the upside to this event is that I was able to officially fulfil my new years resolution for the year 2000 with just 2 weeks to spare. That resolution was to be more sexually hurassing twards girls. Though art is a guy, he is gay, so i will count him as a girl. I have no problem with gay people, but i say if your gay don't be a pussy about it. Don't jump to such quick offense, don't act like you don't like being gay. But further more, the thing that was just over the top, is this guy almost got me fired. Almost getting someone fired for something so silly as "goodnight ladies," is just going to god damned far. The problem is this Art fellow just has a gigantic stick up his ass, iin more ways than one. Good riddence.

The first feather this week is from Adrienne S. of Abercrobe, Fish:

dear lance,
have you ever thought of changing your site's address to www.smallrats.com?
small rats are friendlier, lighter, and smaller than giant rats. fondly,

Dear Adrienne,
What are you talking about?? Why would I want to do that?

The second letter this week is from Javed M. of Peanut, Hill:

[Lanceo] im sincerely insulted that you declined my offer to get tcby. im going
to florida, but when i get back on the 4th we have to buy/steal a megaphone
and heckle people walking in the cold from a very warm car. then get indian
food and tcby.

Dear Javed,
My apolagies. I will be there on the 4th no problem. Have fun in florida, Again, my apollagies.

SEND IN YOUR LETTERS RIGHT NOW. Don't even finnish the email, just send your letters in now. Then, when you do finnish, send another email. Remember, its up to YOU to keep my letters section oiled.

Lanceo RoMañce's Boring Political Comentarry:
I have an intrest in modern history. One era I have recently learned about is the great depression. In 1929, the remaining after effects of World War I, as well as a gigantic stock market crash caused lots and lots of people to lose lots and lots of moeny, leaving many of them bankrupt and homeless. The effects rippled, and the number of people without money caused many small buisnesses to loose all of their customers and put them out of business. This caused so many people to go bankrupt that no body would buy anything, and gigantic corperations, such as US Steel, which almost went out of business and was forced to lay off most of its workers. People who had kept their savings in banks lost all their money because their bank could not afford to stay open, and caused people to loose their entire savings. No body had work, money, enough food, or even a home. This left milliones and millions of famalies homeless. None the less, with what money people had, people kept their sprits up by making use of the entertainment industry. Movies, music, dancing, theater, radio.... despite the fact that no body had any money, people would use what they scrimped and saved for weeks for to have a little fun. The suiscide rate, which was sky high, was probably kept down a bit by entertainment.
In the white house at the time was a man named Hurbert Hoover, a horable, horable president. The entire country was out on the streets, and Hoover insisted he that the very people who elected him into office and paid his salery deserved nothing. He believed that the goverenment was there to govern, and make laws and go to war, and crap like that. But this being a free country, if the people were in trouble, it was their problem. Even World War I veterans, who helpped to build this nation's first great army and win the war, were denied any help. Needles to say, when it came time for realection, Hoover was replaced. The man who replaced him was Franklin Roosevelt.
Roosevelt felt that the governemnt owed something to its people when they are in trouble. The government's job is to protect and serve the people, to asure as best it can, the well being of its citicens. Hence, Rosavelt implamented such things as Welfare and Social Security. Roosevelt gave money to the banks so people could have access to their savings. He helpped to allow the people who did have jobs to form unions, he created lots of jobs in the governement, such as making roads, so many people who were still unemployed could get jobs. It was his left wing politics, opposed by the right wing, that helpped pull this country out of the great depression, and left in place many securaties to assure that nothing quite so bad would happen again. Although we may find our selves in an occasional recession, we are able to avoid another great depression thanks to the fundamentals that FDR implimented in our federal governement.

The great depression, in my humble oppinion, was one of the most important events in American history. It has more lessons to be learned than many other aspects of American history. You know, in all the years i was in school, i learned very little about FDR and hardley anything about the great depression. And I know I'm not alone. President-Elect George W. Bush didn't learn anything about the great depression either. If the son of "the education president" doesn't even know about the great depression, the who does? Thats a bad thing.
Geoge W. Bush has time after time repeated that he wants to reduce the government significantly. He wants to eliminate social security, welfare, government jobs... And i can garentee you hes not a big supporter of labor unions. Bush is a supporter of big gigantic businesses. His tax cuts and laws that favor this country's wealthiest citicens and bigest corperations, but wants to take a way the safety net for the nations poor and middle classed. George W. Bush is the Anti-Robin Hood. In the past few weeks, the news has been reporting about how the econamy is starting to go bad once again. Lots of lay offs and companies going out of business... When the middle class become poor, and the poor become bankrupt and homeless, they don't buy the products that the rich offer, which makes the rich poor too, as there is no longer any money left for them to swindle. And let me tell you, this falling economey is far more than a few weeks old. Lanceo Romañce believes that George W. Bush is the final ingredient needed to put us into another depression. He wants to completly reverse what rosavelt did, which would put us right back where we were: jobless and homeless. Granted, the government has gotten a bit over bloated and oversized, and we could trim it down a little, but completely trimming it is a mistake. It is for the reason I consider George W. Bush to be the worst president since Hoover, worse than Nixon. And he isn't even in office yet! Now, we are stuck with George Bush until he gets shot, or 4 more years, asuming who ever he runs against in the next election isn't worse than him (although it could be!). I believe that since he has been elected, we have to sit back for a little while and give him a chance. You never know, he could turn out all right. My idea of having a second great depression is really just a worst case scenarrio. However, based on how hes been so far, i'm very scared. Bush's father wasn't THAT bad, i hope he'll step in and say "son, what the hell are you doing??!?!!"
You may recall earlier in this essay how i mentioned that entertainment helpped people get through the depression a bit easier. Well, George W. Bush represents the right wing, a wing that is very pro censorship and doesn't really seem to think much of the entertainment industry. Not just Bush, but the right wings in both the house and senate, even some democrats, such as snot face Joe Liberman. They all are trying to "christianise" the country, and aim attacks largely at our entertainment. If the censorship they support ends up going through, that would make another depression a lot harder to get through.
I think that the right wing is very important because it allows for checks and ballances. As left wing as I am, I realise that there is a such thing as too left wing, and thats where we would be now with out the right wing. But right now, we are too right wing. Its been a very long time since this country has seen a MAJOR crises, so be any reasoning we are over due for another one. And the right wing is pulling us right in, and it will take some one far more left than Hillary Clinton to pull us out.

I dropped out of school. I learned nothing about any of this in school. I learned about the great depression on my own and george w. buch the same way the rest of you did: watching him on TV. When I learned about hoover, there just seemed to be an imediate simmilarity between him and bush. And when i learned about roosevelt and how he saved the country, and then saw bush on TV saying EXACTLY the opposite, it was the only drawable conclusion. This is why I believe that it will happen. I will even bet you, that if we are not in a depression 4 years from now, i will build you a bomb shelter. Maybe.
So what if we do reach a depression??? WHat do you do??? How do you prepare?? Well, for starts, don't mortgage anything. You loose everything you put down on it. If you own a house, beef up on home security as a lot more people will be trying to break in and steel from you. However, getting an alarm service will not help you at all because the alarm service will go out of business. However, my best recomendation for getting through a depression , once it happens, make your way to a major city, and i HIGHLY recomend New York. A large swelling of people will get you through the troubled times because there will be more to do, there will be lots of great parties, there will be more places and people to keep you warm, and you cirtenly won't want to be alone.

That's it for this week. Remember to attend my concert, happy elvis day and happy birthdaay to Vikki Haris.

Your Single Father,
Lanceo Romañce

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