176: Bobbittism
12:26:99 4\43Nite
Hi lads. Well, another day, another mailing list.

I guess I will start off by reminding yall of the annuel breakfast we have at the westin hotle in downtown providence every December 31st morning. Now, I know a lot of you are going to be doing things on new years eve, but i know for a complete fact that NONE of you are doing anything for breakfast that morning. Well, maybe some of you. Our usual group of 30 or 40 teen agers will be gathering together for an ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet. On top of that, I will be making this year extra neato because I, Lance Romañce am hiring a clown to entertain us while we eat breakfast. So you can come for the clown and stay for the breakfast and then split when its time for you to go to what ever other new years eve party you may be going to. If you do decide to come, try to let me know and how many people will be coming with you so I can tell Emmanuel how many people to tell the westin to expect, this is mainly so we don't run out of food. If we told them 20 people were coming and 80 showed up, we wouldn't really get all we could eat, now could we? But if you forget to tell us, come any ways, at least to watch the clown I am hiring for you.

Here is a new song I wrote for my next album:

i'm a flying machine
yeah im an air plain
i like being what i am
no i cant compalin
i've got a perpeller on my face
and i think its great
if i lost my perpeller
i'd get real irate

i like being a plain
yeah its the life for me
i like flying in the sky
i like velocity
i got guns so i can shoot
down canadien planes
some times i even point my guns down
at cars and trains

i'm a flying machine
i fly all around
i drink gas
so i dont hit the ground
now if youd like a ride
just let me know
if you give me some money
ill bring you where you wanna go

im an air plain
i got wings, wheels and pontoons
so i can land on a run way
or in a monsoon
i love being an air plaine
i love what i do
i'm proud of what i am
and if you disagree than fuck you

The First Letter this week is from Ariela L. of Oobie, Doobie:

[Dear Lance]
Just wondering if you have ever been to los angeles? I was curious
because Hollywood is a disgusting city and there is no such thing as a
cozy little apartment there, at least not unless you like cuddling up to
pimps and cockroaches. -- [Love] Ariela

Dear Ariela,
Are you kidding??? No I have not been to Los Angeles. Thanks for the warning.

the second letter is from Nate D. of Providence, AZ:

[Dear] Lance-

remember on the 12th night of july when we went to waterfire adn played arkanoid at checker's and saw listmember Lana Something and then at the bathrooms there was no line for the men's and 50 women lined up for the women's and i laughed and then as i was going into a stall inside the men's room a ladyscooted in front of me and all the men laughed at her and her husband was embarrased and then some girl took a picture of me from point blank range as i was walking by and i followed her because i wanted a copy of the picture but she thought i was going to beat her up and she was speaking some foriegn tongue and then i lied to the guy at the dunkkin donuts truck and then we saw listmember alex r and then i sat on a wall and played the microvcassette sample of a new orleans roll call over and over and some fat bloke thought it was a bird and some other people were diggin it

that was the shit.


Dear Nate,
Why you such a fool?

On the web site tip, I have been doing some updating on the www.giantrats.com and have replaced the ever boring "The Real World" with a new feature called "Behind The Music." Behind The Music tells the story behind every single lance romañce song included on Sonnets Set To Music, and also includes lyrics for each of them. I have also replaced the aging Auto-Biolagy that I wrote when I was 16 with a new auto-biolagy presented in a questionear format.

I am now 20 years old.

On wednesday, I am seeing the nut cracker up in boston at the wang center. I am going with a young underage coed named Laura Conover, whom I met at work. After the nut cracker, we have reservations for dinner, which we will hopefully make, but if not we will eat some where else.

No body likes this years presidential hopefuls. If Bill Clinton ran again I am convinced that he would win. How ever, he isn't, and the race seems to be down to Bill Bradley and John McCain, who I am presuming will be the winners of their parties votes. Though I'm not quite sure who I hate most yet, I think John McCain has it in the bag now as out next president. George W. Bush will NOT win, he is too horrable and has made that clear. I am not sure who I want to vote for, as I really don't like any body much, but I know who i want to vote against. There for, I have decided to vote for ANY ONE EXCEPT George W. Bush, cause every time you don't vote for him you vote against him, see what I'm saying???

Anyways until next time, eat my dust.

The Troubled King Of N. Ireland,
Lance Romañce

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