174: Hitting On My Mom (and my birthday)
12:5:99 9\17Nite

Howdy, boys and gurillas. Lance Romañce is back in attack with a big stack of jack. So put down your smack, your crack, park your cadilac, finish up that baby back rack, stop your train on the track, because the big mack in black is back and not wack.

So wuzzup, mutha fuckas??? How yall doin?? I spent this last weekend in boston visiting the berklee campus and meeting new fans who had not yet met, or just not seen in a while. Last night i slept in a lazy boy recliner.

I am still moving to los angeles, and will be doing so promptly after they "text book rush" is over at brown book store, in early febuary. I will be staying in a hotel for a week or two until i find my self a cozy little apartment in the holywood naborhood.

Well, as lance usualy does, lance is having his annuel birthday. This year is my 20th. How ever, it is no longer on december 7th as it has been in the past. Folowing the tradition of such holidays as easter and thanksgiving, from now on my birthday is on the first tuesday of december. Insidently, this year the first tuesday of december, which is this coming tuesday, is the 7th, so it basicly remains the same. As my hopes for a date with a pretty girl on my birthday do seem as if they will remain unfulfilled for the remainder of my life, i have no plans yet for my 20th birthday, though i do get the day off from work.

As always, the Lance Romañce Happy Birthday Hotline has been turned on for the season. You can call the hotline at 401-421-4003, the hotline is open 24/7, ready to take messages when im personaly unavailbe. And, if you call from with in the local calling area, the call is free. Gifts, cards, letters and unexpected sirprise visits should be addressed to:

Ben Garber
98 Elton st.
Providence, RI 02906

the first letter this week is from Pete M. of Dirty, Douchbag:

[Dear Lance,]
for why do we get fewer and fewer mailing by thyself??? do you no longer
love us, benny boo? or are there better things going on in your life?
well, i have class to get to, so toodlee-ooo-oo to you!

pete :)

Dear Pete,
My fingers were broken.

The second letter is from Kristin S. of Babbling, Gook:

[Dear Lance,]
Sometimes I can never tell if you're being facetious or not.

K. Swanson

Dear Kristin,
It is very easy to tell. I type up true statements in pink and false statements in blue.

A customer at work told me this joke:
Q: What is the difference between the rolling stones and a scottish sheep farmer?
A: The rolling stones say "Hey you, get offa my cloud" and the scottish sheep farmer says "Hey McCloud, get offa my ewe!"

Anyways, so long, good night, and see you tomarrow.

The Master Of Potty Training,
Lance Romañce

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