142: Happy Elvis Day!!!
1;10;99 3\53Nite
Hi everybody!!! This is a special Elvis Day mailing. For those who don't know, teen heart throb Elvis Presly was born on the now historic date of January 8th. So, happy birthday, Elvis!!!

This will be the last mailing before i go back to school. The main reason I am sending this one out today is because i forgot to wish some people happy birthdays, so i would like to dedicate this special mailing to list members Laura S. (18), Vikki H. (17), Liz G. (17?) and there is one more but i completely forget. Rags! Well, maybe it was elvis?? Well, happy birthday to Elvis too.

Well, yesterday, me and list member Dick M. were in my living room, and for some reason i was behind the couch and that table with the old clock on it. Well, i saw one of my cats's toy mouses lying on the floor and so i decided i would go pick it up and throw it. "that's intresting," i said as i got closer to the mouse and noticed it was just a mouse head, and looking at the back of the head i noticed that theat wasn't stuffing coming out of it, it turned out to be a real mouse head. Dick decided to have a look too, and he spotted a mouse leg about 2 feet away. We figured my cats had killed it, which means they are doing their job, and serving their purpose on cats. But in the end, what we learn here is that stuffed mice look very real. We also found a book on diners, and our local hero's, the Haven Bros, that great big silver truck at kenedy plaza turned out to be in it. Congradulations, Haven Bros!!! You're a national treasure. Its to bad Mayer Cianci is trying to get rid of you.

So whats more upon Lance's campaign for mayer??? Well, for starters, i will not get rid of Haven Bros. 2ndly, i plan on making Jan 8th an official holliday, of corse called Elvis Day. But anyways, the plan at this point is to start the campaign this summer. Upon finishing this simester at Berklee, I will return to providence, and head over to city hall. This is where i will learn more of what i need to get onto the ballot, and will start collecting the signatures of registered providence voters at this point. I will also get together myself a ccommittee to get to gether once a week to go down a list of the issues and come up with standings on the issues, as well as plans on how to deal with them, and what to say when asked about them. I have a good idea for a campaign slogan too. Now, most campaign ads will say something like "this election, remember to vote for me". My slogan will be "his election, remember to vote". I believe this encourages the idea that i will be a people's mayer, and that the people should get what they want, not what i want. My commercials will focus more on the importance of voting, rather than on voting for me. Thank you.

I also have announcements about my school career. What will happen?? Well, the fact is Berklee sucks. Every body is the same there and no one has a good sense of humer and they all take everything too seriously. It sucks. And i just dont care enough about playing music "correctly" to study it in so much detail. I like exploring music myself better. But then what do i do now? Well, after talking with somebody, it was decided that that the best idea might be just to take adult enrichment classews for now. This would give me a chance to just learn a little bit about a few different fields, cause I have no idea what i want to do, and i dont want to waste my time in college not knowing what im doing. SO im gonna take the calsses and get a little sample of some different fields. Your dear lance has thought about Journalism, Broadcasting, Design, Communications, Film, Art.... but none of them really seemd like anything i would really want to spemd 4 years studdying. But list member Martha P mention a field that had never even occured to me before: Philosaphy!! Yeah, i like that one a lot! I can be a philosapher!!! But i dunno. In the end all I really want to do is sit down and take a rest. You know in the past 4 years i have been to 4 schools??? IM exausted, i dont like moving so much. Ugh, its just a pain in the ass.

The first letter this week is from listmember Eric R. of Milk, Shake:

Dear Lance,
First, I would like to say I thoroughly enjoyed your recent mailing
containing Dr. Davies' analysis of you.
I would like to say that children are deeply wrapped up in their home
lives and the most of their emotional commitment is to their parents.
When one thinks about it, it cannot be otherwise. The parents are the
providers of food, clothing, shelter, protection, guidance, computer
equipment, and a wide variety of other services. So enmeshed are
children in their home lives, they are not likely to develop
significant involvement with others. The younger the child the more
this principle holds. Of course, children can become involved with
their teachers, but rarely does such an involvement come close to that
which exists with a parent. Even when a child's involvement with a
teacher is unusually strong, it does not generally last significantly
into the summer vacation. I suspect that you have, whether on a
conscious level or not, sincere respect, love, and admiration for your
parents. So much so, that it has directly affected your
teacher/student relationships through your school career. ("history of
inconsistent academic performance and school
adjustment difficulties" - this is what Dr. Davies states in his
"reason for referral"). Why do I suspect your parents have caused the
problems in school with inadvertant love and affection?
THE ELEPHANT IN THE BACK JUST TOOK A GUY WIFE AND IS NOW EATING HER.
THIS GOT EVERY BODY ANGRY DO NOW EVERYBODY IS TRYING TO KILL ALL THE
ELEPHANTS SO THEY DON'T EAT ANYONE ELSE. THEY ALREAD KNOCKED DOWN
SAM, WHO IS LAYING ON THE GROUND IN FRONT OF THE ELEPHANT ON THE RIGHT.
The above passage clearly shows anger towards a character who eats "a
guy(s) wife" thereby upsetting a basic parental structure. You are
ashamed to fight back yourself, so you state "this got every body
angry" in order to project your desires upon others. This "every body"
tries to kill all the "elephants" (a stereotypically large animal -
like a large problem/threat) thus ridding yourself of the problem.
Interestingly enough, through a character "Sam", you depict yourself
as having been knocked down - but not out. In other words, you've been
attacked, but you are clearly not defeated. This shows an underlying
optimism to fight the deterioration of parental structure. You have a
strong attachment to them, and you may have a fear of their
seperation. Parents are the best and first teachers. As I said
earlier, no teacher can attempt what parents achieve. Perhaps you may
have a unrational fear of a teacher taking the place of your parents
(possibly representative of a man stealing your father's wife or a
similar scenario). These are things to think about...
As for the rest of his comments....I picked three at random. They are
as follows:
"He seemed to have a need for movement, and kept tapping his foot and
rocking in his chair."
"He continues to have difficulty, however, decoding multisyllable
words effectively-- often omitting sound sequences or inverting their
order."
"He tends to spell words how they sound to him and relies little on
memory of phonetic patterns."
Notice how each one lends itself to a music-related interpretation. My
dear boy, this is a gift when a simple interest effects speech. It
shows commitment on all psychic levels. So distorted has your
psychodynamics become, that you have in effect "become the music" and
the music has "become you". Those may sound like silly phrases at
first, but only to the individual who does not understand the
importance of having strength of character - which you exhibit like no
other.
Cheers!
- Prof. Eric


Dear Eric,
Um..... i dunno. Dr. Davies is a lady. I have nothing else to say.
Love,
Lance

the 2nd letter is from list member Lauren S. of Water, Mellons:

although your spelling may not be up to par, i still think you are a fantastic writer. you have imagination and are good at illustrating your thoughts through words (even when the words aren't spelled write). I dont often have time to complement you, but i figured now would be a good time. fuck that analysis guy. you kick ass. and write a book. i'd love to read it!
~Lauren

Dear Lauren,
I have all ready written 2 books, actualy. Would you like to read them?
Love,
Lance

Because I am obsessed with hippopotomouses (heh!), i have been learning a little more about them. I thought i would present you with some of the information i have learned about hippopotomouses since the last issue. For starters, list member Allison J. presented me with this very intresting fact about the hippopotomous:

it has a little tail and it wags it wicked fast while the shit is comign out, and they do that becasue a long itme ago people thought that they ate fish and to prove they didnt that is what they did becasue that would propve that there are no bones

Actually, Allison, the hippopotomous does not have a little tail, as it is about 22"s. Thats nearly 2 feet!!! Have you ever seena dog with a 2 foot tail??? I learned that fact from http://happy-hippo.ipfb.net/ and i have presented some generaql hippo info below, which i picked up from from that same page.

Here now is some information from

-Hippopotamus means "river horse" in Greek
-Hippos are more related to hogs than horses
-Live only in Africa (unless they are in a zoo)
-Height: about 5 feet tall
-Length: from 12 to 15 feet long (not including tail: about 22 inches)
-Weight: from 3,000 to 8,000 pounds
-Hippos have a good sense of smell, but only average eyesight
-Hippos carry their young for about 7 1/2 months before giving birth
-Hippos live to be about 30 years old in nature, but can live to 50 years in zoos
-Hippos can open their mouths 3-4 feet
-Hippos live in herds of 5-30, but they have been seen in groups of up to 150
-Hippos eat mostly at night
-They can eat up to 130 pounds of vegetable matter per day
-Hippos spend most of their time in (usually muddy) waters
-Many African farmers shoot hippos, because the hippos ruin the farmers' crops
-They use the hides to make soup, the teeth for ivory, and they eat the meat
-The edible meat on a hippo makes up about 2/3 of their body, and is full of protein
-For this reason, many people have considered breeding hippos for their meat


Well, that's about it for this issue. I hope you all have a nice dinner and keep learning about Hippo's. Send in some letters too!

Anyways, until next time, may you be having a nice day. Thank you!

Love,
Your tooth,
Lance Romañce


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