140. Lost Works
1;5;99 12\09Morn
Hi every one. This issue celebrates the digging up of some lost writing, so here i present you with the first mailing list of the year:

Butter flies start out as ctapilers until the grow wings. Wings are what make catapillers butterflies. After they become butter flies, they eat a lot of butter and make a lot of love. Gravy is their maine industrial export and they support them selves by working at the gravy farm. Some butterflies have their own automobiels.


here was aflood, and i had to mdrive off and leave all my stuff behind and we drove and drove and drove and then we ended up at the 3rd floor of our house, stuck up ther with my parents and a famil7y thats friends with my parents, and my friend geo was just there playing his sony playstation. and we sirvived the flood cause my dad knew ahead of time that it was coming, but after the flood, everyone was gone, and everything was wet.


(This song is my parody of the REM song "Losing My Religion. It is sung to the same tune and is written from the perspective a bad doctor)

Making an incission
a song kind of by ben garber a bit

Life is over
It's over for you
But its not for me
A funeral I won’t go to
A cold stare in your eyes
Oh no I cut too much
I cut you up

That's you with the coraner
That was me with the scalple
making an incission
Trying to rescue you
But I guess I didnt do it do it
Oh no I cut too much
You coughed up blood
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
But I'm pretty sure I saw you die

I drink some liquer
from every town and country
I'm ignoring my consumption
Trying not to puke my lunch on to you
Like a drunk fucked and bastard tool fool
Oh no I've drunk too much
I'm drunk enough

suck on this
The hint of the lemmon
suck this
The sip that brought me
To my knees now
What if all these manatees
Come flying around
Now I'm drank too much
I am drunk and laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
But I think I thought I saw you die

But it was just a drink
It was just a drink


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i thought i saw you picking flowers
but I found it wasnt you
i saw the days turn into hours
and the flower girl was you!!!


by lance romance

A young wood cutter named Charles Quigly was the most famous wood cutter in all of the town. He could cut anything from wood: chairs, trolls, duck decoys, rubber gloves.... ANYthing!!! If you asked him to cut you something, he would. And he would make his own wood cuttings too. The duck decoys were his favirite, he made a lot of those just for his own pleaure.
His wife was a painter. She would paint all the wood he would cut. Her name was Butch Quigley, and she was the finest wood painter in all of the town. She painted everything he would cut: chairs, trolls, duck decoys, rubber gloves.... EVERYthing. And she was also the daughter of a weallthy Jewish merchant.

Charlie and Butch were the most perfect couple in the world, and the most famous in all of the town. They built their house together and painted it. They made all the furniture and everything. They even made the garrage themselves (garrage is the french word for car hole). They were really living a good life.

One day, Charlie was down at the bus stop carving a face at someone. Unfortunately, Charles had no idea that the wood he was carving was cursed. The curse made it so if any one ever used the wood to make a face at some one, it would stay that way for ever. So when he made the face, he couldnt change it at all. The wood became uncarvable, harder than hard is hard. And when Butch tried to paint it, she couldnt, the ae wouldnt except the paint. It would stay that dull wood color forever. The lesson here is that you should never make a face at someone cause your face could stay that way forever if it is cursed.


wouldn't be cool if you had a box of cat shit in yoour base ment, and the cats shit out kitty litter?


The first letter is from Dana P. of Cheers!


Dear Dana,
Why thank you, Dana. And to you a happy new years too!

The 2nd letter is from Martha P of 7, 11:

Dear Lance -

When can I draw on your face again?

love, cornflake

dear martha,
Again?? When did you draw on my face the first time??? Anyways, you can draw on my face ONLY if you can make me look italian. And i dont mean like just italian, i want to look really really itallian. Just don't make me look stupid.


Write in your mail!!


by Ben Garber

The industrial revolution took place during the nine-teenth century. It consisted of three economic/social groups: The aristocracy, the middle class and, the lowest of the three, the working class. This paper will be talking about the working class and how they lived their lives. It will talk about how the working class worked and some of the hard ships that they faced. The members of the working class lived hard lives.
The people of the working class were the lowest on the list, below the middle class and the aristocracy. Being part of the working class meant having to do hard manuel labor in order to support a family. They would have to take on such jobs as farmers, miners and weavers. The job you got, and how much you made allot of the times depended on skill and talent. If you were very good at making wonderful baskets, you would make allot more money than some one who made the same kind, but just were not as skilled as you. Just like today, where as if you need to get a million dollar operation on brain, you want that million dollars to go to a really good doctor, not some doctor who was willing to do it who's only experience is removing appendixes. That is why the skilled people got the better jobs and money while the unskilled did not.
The working class often had trouble finding really good jobs, however, no matter how skilled they were, merely for the reason that they were members of the working class. This was of course, discrimination. The working class were denied the jobs of being such things as doctors, bankers and school teachers just because they were the working class. The most talented, skilled and intelligent doctor ever may have been passed over, merely because they were of the working class. This would be like paassing over Jimi hendrix as a guitar legend, just because he was black. The working class could not even hold a political office or even vote to help decide who was going to have control over them.
Just because your skilled at one of the jobs that is offered to the working class, does not mean that you will be given the chance. If you are woman, than FWOOMP!! There goes any chance you had. While the men would go out and about town, working out of the home, making money, and support the family's welfare, the woman of the house hold would have to stay home and support the family's everything else She would have to stay at home all day and take care of the kids, keep the house looking clean and have food on the table by the time that her husband came home. This is the way the women were brought up to be while in school. While the boys would learn to weave and farm and mine and what ever, the women were being how to be good wives and take care of their husbands well. Some women wanted to be miners and farmers but they were given this reason why they could not: Women would become a distraction to the men, keeping their minds off their work. Women and men together would just be too hectic for the seductive powers of the women would just be too great and would ruin everything and make it horrible.
The only thing that has ever been really effective in keeping the lowest classes of almost all previous civilizations ever since it's foundation was the church an religion. People were told that if they were good, they went to church regularly andd obeyed what the lord said, then they would go to heaven when they died. If they did not go by what the church said, then you would be doomed to eternal damnation in the agony of the pits of hell. However, in some of the more recent parts of the church's history, it had been proven wrong and corrupt and so many people started to lose faith in it. By the time of the industrial revolution, the amount of members that belonged to the church was an all time low among the lower classes. The working class were pretty much completely unreligious.
One of the nice things there was about being a member of the lowest class of this era was that there was a bit more free time for it's members. What did the people like to do in their free time you may ask? Some of the most popular things were gambling, blood sports (such as cock fighting) and drinking.
So as you caqn see, the lives of thw working class people were not easy. It was hard to find a good job, even if you had good working skills and there was allot of discrimination and sexism. It was a very tough life.

(this essay was written for my Modern European History class during my Wheeler days, just days after i turnned 16. This paper, like the working class, was the lowest there was, earning a very low F. Can you believe it? Write in and tell me how you would have graded it!)

(here is a play written around the same time)

Man: Sit
Dog: Woof
Man: Sit
Dog: Woof
Man: Sit. Sit, girl
Dog: Bark
Man: Damn it, Rover, you can't do anything. You good for nothing piece of shhhhhugarr.
Dog: Bow wow!
Man: Watch it, bitch. Or your goin' to the glue factory
Dog: Woof
Man: That's it. You're dead


Can you imagine being in a plane that crashes in the andies? You don't have much food and many friends and family members have died. You have to fight to survive, no one is even looking for you, and the only food is the bodies of the people whoo all ready died. In the cold story weather, you are home sick. Can you make it? Can you stay alive?

See the movie "alive" to find out.


(this is what I wrote when i was asked to discribe a picture)

The elephant in the back just took a guy's wife and is now eating her. This got every body kind of angry so now everybody is trying to kill all the elephants so they don't eat anyone else. They all ready knocked down sam, who is laying on the ground in front of the elephant on the right.

(HOT CONTEST!!!! Draw a picture to illistrate this discription in your favorite painting program and send it to me! The winner shall be executed!)


Well, i'm bowling tonight
and i cant get a strike
i've only knocked 2 pins
in the whole damn nigh
Yeah i'm a bowling tonight
I throw the ball with all my might
But the ball keeps guttering to the right

Well, i'm bowing tonight
and what can i say
Im a bad bowler in every way
I can't hit the pins, but hey!!!
I'm still glad i came her today

(because of the) Sexy Bowler Girl
Shes the sexiest girl in the world
She always bowls a strike, she always knocks em down
She wears a championship bowler's crown
And shes the reason that i bowl

Well, i'm bowling tonight
And, man, I'm sure bad
I'm the worst damn bowler that this world ever had
Man, I suck but I'm all right
Cause the sexy bowler girl is here tonight!

Yeah, i'm bowling tonight
But I still have fun
Cause I am in love with some one
She's the sexty bowler girl
And i'm gonna get me some

(Of That) Sexy Bowler Girl
Shes the sexiest girl in the world
She always bowls a strike, she always knocks em down
She wears a championship bowler's crown
And shes the reason that i bowl

Yeah, your commin home with me tonight, i want to see you hit a home run!


rte 6 west
turns into 101
keep right
take a right on gleanor chapel rd
take a left at the end onto rocky hill rd
mine is a big white house oh the top of the hill 529
(this one was really written by list member Carl S, stop by and sirprise him!)


Well, thats it for now!!!! Anyways, have a nice evening, I will see you all later and write in some letters, stupids!

A Signfeld Expert,
Lance Romañce

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