137: I Hate Room Mates
12;13;98 1\17Morn

Hey kids. A few years ago, i noticed this brown thingy sticking out of my cat's eye. I didnt know what it was, so i took the cat and i tried to pull it out. It was stuck i guess, so i twirled it and i pinched it off with my finger nails. Yay!! I got it out. Well, it was just that soon that i noticed the same thing in the same place on the cat's other eye. Then, i noticed that my other cat had the same exact things. Woops!!! I guess it was part of the cat. This is a true story too.

Well, as you know, i was gonna go and protest DMB on my birthday, but dick m. decided to be a moron and ruin my birthday, what a moron he is, eh? It wouldnt be any fun to protest DMB alone, and anyone else who wanted to go with me didnt have a ride or were going with Dick, so in the end, Dick runined my birthday. By the way, dick had a birthday too recently, so happy birthday Dick.

Last night I went to a parety back home in providence and then i went to see the amazing ROYAL crowns. That was awsome.

I will be coming home soon, every one!!! I leavce school on friday and i will be home until January 12th. Yay!!! Vacation!!!!

So, the first letter this week is from list member Corey P. of El, Door!:

Lance-Ow! Lance-Ow! I'm not asking you to stab me, dammit, I'm adressing
Och. Anyhows, Dost thou know a Dr. Scott Free- teacher over at Berklee,
I thinkers? I's jes' curious, pardner.
Good luck in the spheres beyond the mailing list. Wampoogy, and may
your eyebrows be blessed.
Chaotis 5
PS: Last name: Philips. Just so's ye knows.

Dear Corey,
Sorry, never herd of him. But he does teach here. You may find out more about this hero of yours at http://www.berklee.edu/dept/last_nm.qry?function=detail&Layout_0_uid1=33131&Layout_0_uid2=Jazz%20Composition so have fun and dont do any thing dangerous.

the 2nd letter is from list member Matt R. of Dino, Saur:

Hey Ben, it's been so long. How the hell are ya? I'm on vacation now, and I'm sure you are too, so lets meet up some time. Are you coming home? Either way, I'd like to go up to Boston and get away from here. That brina stetzer orchestra story was interesting but very long so i have to finish reading it later. i'm kind of slowminded right now so i'm gonna take off


Dear Matt,
Matt, its very nice you to invite your self to visit me, i appreciate it. And its very nice of you to write me and check on me. But there is just one problem: Your a nerd!!!! Now, get back to your home work, stupid!!!

You know, if you ever have the option of having room mates or not, always choose no. Sure you could get nice good room mates that you end up marrying, but then again you could get mine, the ones that are keeping me up this very morning, have woken me up virtualy every morning since september then denied they are noisy, fart every 5 minutes (and i timed them, thatys not an exageration), dont give you messages, hang up on your friends, dont give you the phone when its for you (even when you are in the room), and are just generaly noisy ass holles for no apereent reason. So, when you go to school or get an apt. or get married, go the same way as such list members as Lani R, or Emmanuel S, and get a single room.

Me and some freinds wanted to watch a movie in my room but didnt want to put up with my room mates, who are always in my room, so we decided to get a movie they would probablyu hate enough to leave, but would be a good movie. My room mates only watch movies with lots of violance (aka "guy movies"), so we figured they probably woundlt like Woody Allen very much. We rented Take The Money And Run, which was nice. Drat, they liked it. But i came up with a better idea for the next night: Let's rent a black movie!!! We rented Spike Lee's "Do The Right Things," which was excelent, you should see it if you havent. Well, the news, which im not sure if its good or bad, is that the worked! I guess this movie just had too many black people in it for them. They arent declared racists, that would be uncool. They dont officaly hnate black people or anything, that wouldnt be the way of sosciety (which is the way they go). They do tell a lot of racist jokes, but we all tell racist jokes. But in the end, they are both just too white not to be racist, as they are both racist at heart.

Here is another intresting fact: EVERY night, and i do mean every, my room mates, who are homo phobic, talk about gay sex. This is tottaly true. The texan room mate, Kyle, is someone i once over herd on the phone saying "I saw 2 gay guys walking down the street holding hands. Just out in public. I wanted to say something but i figured they might beat me up and it would be pretty embarressing to getbeaten up by a gay guy." He is constantly making gay sex jokes. The other day, he came in with his friend, and said to my other room mate "We figured out how to get on the plain for free. We can have gay sex." That was actualy pretty funny. But funny cause it was stupid. My other room mate left his keys in the door once, so i took them out and said "here are your keys. you lefty them in the door" He didnt thank me, and insted he turned to one of the texan's friends and said "Well, at least i'm not gay." Well, i beg to differ!!!! I am 90% convinced that Jason, the fat one is gay, and i am not sure about the other one. The fat one isnt really homophobic, you can tell, he just is homophobic so we dont think hes gay. He also has HORRABLE taste in woman. Unbelievablely bad taste in woman, so bad, that i dont think he knows the difference between an attractive and unattractive woman. The other one, he often just seems too homophobic not to be gay, similer to that Arthur fellow who hurassed my mailing list a few weeks ago, but im not posative about Kyle. Now, i do not care one bit if they are gay or not. If they are, so what? If they arent, so what??? But i hate the fact that, particularly the fat one, he is fighting aginst in the wrong dirrection. He should be fighting against homophobia, not for it as he is, as he is only limiting his own freedom.

You know, the whole concept of being masculine in america is based about not being gay. Guys can do anything they want, just as long as its not considered gay, or they risk people calling them gay and thats the worst possable thing. The guys who really are gay are even more afraid, and tend to be the most homophobic and tend to go the farthest with girls as fast as they can, cause they are too scared of being open. Thats kind of understandable, cause of the level of homophobia, but it still pisses me off cause they are just making their lives worse and they are fighting for their own rights, ya know??? I am not gay, but im not homphobic either, so if you call me gay i really dont care, i'm not afraid of it. I like cooking and dancing and i paint my nails and i dunno, all sorts of gay things because its fun. Skirts are nice cause the are comftrable, they let my balls hang loose, its a step above boxer shorts. So why don't YOU? Cause your a faggot, thats why!!! No, just kidding. I dunno, well, thays my beef on homophobia.

Well, thats about it. Anyways, i will write another list in a few days. So long, everybody!!

El Muchos Gracias,
Lance Romañce

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