136: My Birthday Is Tomarrow
© 12;6;98 1\43Morn

Hey mutha fathas!!! What the tinkle is up!!! It is now december sixth which means tomarrow is december 7th which means this is my last mailing list ever!!! Good bye every body!!! ! Its been tantalizing. Tarantualising. Turantulas. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HELP!!! TURANTULAS!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Now, i'm sure when i just said this will be my last mailing list, some of you said "what?' Well, i have some pretty sad news. I know some of you all ready know this, but Michael J. Fox, has been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. When i found this out i wanted to fucking cry!!! Michael J. Fox has been one of my favorite actors for years, best known for his roles in Family Ties, Casualties of War, and two of my very favorite movies ever: Back to the Future and Frighteners. Damn it, my room mate just farted again, i hate him. But anyways, yeah, its a shame. Now he just burped. Up, he burped again. A lot of my favorite Actors have had troubles this year, including John Candy, and my very favorite, Troy McClure. At times like these, i find it best to think of some of my favorite actors who are still alive, like Yahoo Serious, Pee-Wee Herman (who i met:-), DJ Jazzy Jeff, ooooh, more room mate farts, and of corse, John Goodman. Yuck, he farted again. This kid is like a fart maker or something.

I want to go to sleep now but i cant cause of that muther fucker i call Room Mate. Up, he burped. The first letter is from Pete M. of Yippy, Kaiyay:

benjamin,

i know that it must be just a slight lapse, but how the hell can you say
"The Music of John Lennon" is a sissy course? in addition to being my
(and your) hero, he died on (or at least near) your first birthday. for
those readers who dont know, John Winston Lennon, the greatest musical
genius of all time, was violently gunned down outside his manhattan
apartment on 8 december, 1980, at the age of forty. lancey, yer
birthday IS the 8th right? well happy non-descript 19th birthday. what
is yer address, for the benefit of your loyal and loving subscribers?
well, happy birthday, benjamino! call me when you are in providence, so
i can give you birthday punches! be in town on friday the 11th, so you
can see the amazing ROYAL crowns with me, and so dick can have a place
to stay. i gotta work in the morn, or he could stay w/ me. damn
tiverton.... well, have a great birthday, boycoot the dmb concert and
say hi to vikki, and STOP RAPING MY SHEEP AND LIVESTOCK!

love,

pete, the wandering gimp of the western himalayas

Dear Pete,
Though all i really want is an Elvis watch, here is my address:
Ben Garber
Box 1632
150 Mass. Ave.
Boston, Ma 02215
My phone number is 6177476222, or, if i am not in, your better off calling 6177476000, then when asked for anm extension, dial 6222, and that will bring you straight to my voice mail so i'll get the message. Ok??? 2mdly, sissy boy, my subscribers are niether nor loving, they are cheating bastards and i want a divorce! 2ndly, sissy boy, yes, the crowns will be fab. Hoorah!!!
Love,
Lance

The 2nd letter is from listmember Martha P, a mailing list native:

dear lance -

my favorite number is 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510... (otherwise known as pi). pi is also a cat.

my favorite word is 42itous (pronounced "fortuitous").

my brother's email address is now michael_plotz@brown.edu, and he hasn't read his aol mail (ender29000) in months, so if you don't change his address in your list, you will have one fewer list member.

love, cornflake

Dear Martha,
Your brother goes to brown???? What a nerd!!!
Love,
Lance


I would like to send a shot out to Mike P. for calling him a nerd. If you want, you can juggle.

Ug, anyways, i dunno. This mailing list el sucks. I am sicki of this mailing list, im not ammused. In fact, im so not amused, i am gonna unsubscribe!!!!! Anyways, send in some letters, everybody!!!! Thanks, kids!!! I want to go to sleep now, so i will try my best.

Anyways, good night.

Love,
Your Aging Champaign,
Lance Romañce


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this mailing is anti-dave mathews
email: tendonitus@giantrats.com
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