132: Tee Hee Hee Hee Wipe Out
11;28;98 3\00Nite

Dear Sirs,
Welcome back to my mailing list. I forgot to mention last time that thurday marked the 18 months aniversery of this mailing list. I sent the first issue out a year and a half ago and i am pleased to still be churning lists. Thank you for your support, as i could not have done it with out viewers like you. Thank you, amen, and praise bob (there ya go, Dick M.)
Love,
Lance


Well first off, your ptachy headed mail burer now has a patchy head. Yes, Lance has cut his hair. Julie didn't cut, LANCE cut, all by him self. So before you ask me where i got that horrable hair cut, you know where. And i like it!!! Why did i decide to cut my hair??? Well, i was getting tired of plain old boring hair that was just getting longer and longer and remained plain and boaring. Lance wanted to do something cool, and found him self at a stump. Well, we he brought this dilema to list member Dick M. last weekend, Dick said "cut it yourself." So i aggreed and cut it thursday night in my bathroom. If you would like some of Lance's hair, lance has a bag of it and you may have it and keep it close to you day and night. Also available is LAST year's hair, which Julie cut. One girl too a lock of that and carries it in her pocket where ever she goes, she thinks i am elvis or something. But this year's hair is shorter, in a seperate bag and it is WASHED (i know thats the one thing keeping you from jumping at the offer). So if you want some of my hair, just let me know and its yours.

So, how was your holloween??? I dunno. My aunt is a horrable cook. The turkey is always cold and dry, the pumpkin pie isnt that good (and i love pumpkin pie), the Egg Nogg ice creams sucks, and some frosted pretzals were ok but too sweet so afeter 2 of them i want to not have 2 more, ala voi.

So.... Last night list member Lani R. (Lani rhymes with uncanny, so don't pronounce it any other way) came in from her new yorkian home to spend the night with, of all people, me!!!! And some other people too, but last night me ans Lani went down to a horrable town we all know as Worcester to see a band you all know that is playing their 3 nights this weekend and i won't even mention who it is cause i know you know it all ready. But we saw them, i had gotten lucky enough to get 4th row seats. The first set was kind of nice but boraing, way to slow and mellow and tihs. The 2nd set started to have it, they played wipe out!!! Would you believe it?????? Then they played chalkdust torture and kept teasing wipe out then, they went back in to wipe out!!!! Wow!!!! then they did some more boring songs. Then they did an encore of another boring song, then they played once again, WIPE OUT!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! That was cool. But, i have to say the hi light of the show wasn't the drummer's viking hat, but rather, watching Lani dance. Heh, it was funny. Then we left and spent about an hour tryyinmg to find Lani (Lani rhymes with uncanny, so don't pronounce it any other way)'s Car in the parking garage. Then we left and got lost for a half hour because, despite the fact that he HAS seen flight of the navigater more than once, Lance can't navigate. Then we got back and had some pizza and i came back up to my room, now being about 2 am and stayed up for a little while doing nothing then i went to sleep. Lani then was off to some where to visit more of her boston area compadres who she hasnt seen since she moved to new york in LATE LAte late summer. But thanks for coming lani, i had a good time. It was nice to see you. Well, Lance is off to see 2 more concerts by this same band tonight, with Briana, and tomarrow night with Briana's room mate, Maura, for which he has front row seating (how did he manage this?). I just hope they are better shows. They are the only hippy band that lance really likes, and that is because they have fun, and they are silly. I mean, their first album's only love song's only lyrics were "lets go out to dinner and see a movie". But their last 2 albums werent that good at all. They better be bumpin tonight. I want to see things that are silly!! Enough with this poetic guitar solo crap! Or better yet, just do wipe out all night!!! DO more surf music!! YEah!!! But tonight should be good cause briana has invited me over after the show.

I have a good idea. I am going to open up a chain of parking garages. My parking garages will be there best there are. See, last night, Lani and my self were parked in Section A, Level One, of the Red Garage. But we didnt think to take notice of it, and most people dont take notice of those things, and then cpome back and it takes for ever to find your car. Well, my idea is to hang up pictures of famous people on the wall. This way, when you park, you woiuld see the wall and say "heh, heh, its ronald raegun!" Then you would just remember ronald raegun and you would be able to find where you parked. If you forget where ronaldf Raegun is, ypou can ask an attendent "where is ronald raegun?" and they could actualy help it. The theory is people notice pictures of ronald raegun, no one notice the signs that say "Section P level K Garage 76" or what ever. It only makes sense!!!! I also want to buy the ACI and franchise!!!!!

The first letter this week is from listmember Corey ?. of Plant, Apes:

Dear Dr. Lance,
I know it's a change of pace from the typical psychotic ravings that
come from the shallow hole that I call 'domicile', but how are you at
dealing with girl troubles? I just unwittingly traded a shiny new dime
for a sack of twelve of them.
-Coyoteish thing

Dear Corey,
Girl Troubles??? YOu mean like menstrating and stuff??? I am sorry, I acn't help you their, bub. But, i know some one who can! Just roll on over to http://www.troom.com/answergirl/answergirl.html where you can find the ansers to many of your questions. If you have any questions that aren't answered at this web site, you can write to the Answer Girl herself: Tina! She will your answer your questions, and she will do it anonymously so you don't have to be embaressed. Also, this sight has an off for a free sample of tampax tampons. So go there and i hope that will help you solve your girl troubles, corey. Glad to be of sirvice!!
Love,
Lance

the 2nd letter is from Adrien ?. of Turkenstill, Folpy:

um...i accidentally deleted your last mailing because i thought it was porn...could you send it again? thanks. i'm an idiot.
agk.

Dear Adrien,
Joke's on you! it WAS porn!!!! Hope you don't mind.
Love,
Lance

so i dunno. Last week's weekend review by list member dick m. sucked. Dick, that's the last time i'm letting YOU write about a weekend. Here is a more bitter, shorter version of the weekend as i wrote to list member Bat M:

Me and my friend were in Worcester to see brian setzer orchestra (but we really just wanted to see him play stray cats songs). We got right there and it figures i left my tickert back in boston. Fucko. But i got a ticket from a scalper for 10 bucks and got in fine. Phew! Then we went to go get the bus back after the show but the bus left EARLY, so when we got there a few minutes early the bus had all ready left and we were stuck in worcester all night and no where to stay. Worcester is among the most boring and unwelcoming towns in the world. The people at the gas station accused us of stealing (which we didnt even try). We tried calling people but no one was around, or we didnt know the number, and the only person who had a car who we could get in touch with was too drunk to come pick us up. So i had to stay up all night, even though i really didnt have time too. I came back to boston the next morning and came to my dorm at 9 am and slept soundly till around 1ish when i started to notice my room mate. I had to work till 1 am last night, so i came back and went right to sleep. I skipped my 9 am class, which i will now fail, and slept till about 11 or so when my roiom mates obnoxiously turned up their music too loudly even though i was obviously sleeping and i asked them, to turned it down but they ignored me and the music was too loud to ignore. I really hate them. Ugh. And so thats my weekend.

BUT THAT WAS LAST WEEKEND!!!!! Anyways, i hope you all have a crunchy week!!! I"ll see you again in a few days!!! See ya later, dudes. So long!!!!.

Love,
The man with the hair in the bag that you want,
Lance Romañce


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