127: One Month Till 19
11/7/98 12:40 AM

Hello, kids!!!!!! The Lance Romañce Birthday Hotline is once again open for the Lance Romañce birthday season. One month from today, today being saturday, Lance Romañce, a man you hate, will be turning the unintresting age of 19. You know, when you turn 19, there is nothing intresting. EVery birthday before 19 is intresting, 20 is kind of intresting, and we all know that 21 is a good year. But what do you get out of 19??? Not much really, but a sense that your child hood is over =,(

So, you fuck faces, i was looking back on some older issues of my mailing list. One issue i read was issue number 62, titled "Big Bolt Of Lightning (Very Very Frightning)" which i sent out on 2-16-98. You may read this issue at


In this issue, i printed a "profile", as some call it, of list member Bat M, then known as Jen H, which she sent me out of no where, so i just decided to print it. But that was 9 months ago, and since then lots of things could of changed, she could have had a baby in that time. Or even a couple mis cairages. So i took the profile from that issue, deleted all her answers and sent it to her and asked her to fill it out again, though she did not know that i was planning to print it in my list again. So i hope she doesnt mind that was my plan. But when she sent it back, for the most part, it was pretty much the same. No babies, no miscairages, and Jen H. just hasn't changed very much over the past 9 months. In fact, reading her new profile was pretty boring, so i decided not to print it.

The first letter this issue is from list member Martha P. of Oooooooooooooooo, oooooooooooooo:

Lance! I want to do an interview with you. How do we do this? love, corny

Dear Martha,
well, you could just write down some questions and i will answer them in my next issue. In fact every one should do this.

The 2nd letter is from list member Dick M. of Pink, Flamingos

were going to go to the ACT play Anne of Avoniea playing nov 13-15 on
wickenden and wear big trenchcoats and hats and sit together right in the
front row and laugh like the wav file i included at things that arent
sexual say every other few lines throughout the whole thing and laugh at
things that are sexual twice as loud the object of the game is to either
get the actors to stop or mess up or for us to get thrown out either way
were going to get someone to videotape us

also the moses brown school play is nov 12-14 and i want you to come watch
but bring a newspaper and sit in the front row and read it but when i come
on you put down your paper and clap when i go off


Dear Dick,
Moses Brown sucks. The only thing i like about moses brown is the way people keep stuffed dogs in their pants.

Anyways, thats it for now. Keep up the hard work. See ya later, dudes.

Love, The Captain,
Lance Roma&Mac247;&Mac247;ce

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