126: King Of The Twang Guitar
11/5/98 10:05 AM

good morning, welcome back to my mailing. This week's issue sports an interview with Lance Romañce by list member val h.

Val H. (12:51 AM): what is your name
Lance Romañce (12:51 AM): lance
Val H. (12:51 AM): and what is it derived from
Lance Romañce (12:51 AM): lions
Val H. (12:53 AM): what is your shoe size
Lance Romañce (12:53 AM): 3
Val H. (12:52 AM): how tall are u
Lance Romañce (12:52 AM): 67 inches
Val H. (12:53 AM): so u are 5'7
Lance Romañce (12:53 AM): no
Lance Romañce (12:53 AM): i ment 47"
Val H. (12:53 AM): so u are 3 ft 11" tall correct
Lance Romañce (12:53 AM): yes
Val H. (12:54 AM): u are short for your age, no?
Lance Romañce (12:54 AM): no i am 18
Val H. (12:54 AM): did u drink too much coffee to stunt your growth
Lance Romañce (12:54 AM): no you did when you were pregnet with me
Val H. (12:57 AM): how many animals do u have
Lance Romañce (12:58 AM): including my nipples?
Val H. (12:58 AM): sure
Lance Romañce (12:58 AM): one
Val H. (12:58 AM): one?
Lance Romañce (12:58 AM): yeah
Val H. (12:58 AM): why are u missing one
Lance Romañce (12:58 AM): i dont miss it
Lance Romañce (12:58 AM): i have one nipple and one cow nipple
Val H. (12:58 AM): have u ever fantasized about a man
Lance Romañce (12:59 AM): when ever i look at your picture
Val H. (12:59 AM): where is your favorite place to eat
Lance Romañce (1:00 AM): eatings for girls
Val H. (1:00 AM): did u ever want to be a girl
Val H. (1:00 AM): so u could eat
Lance Romañce (1:01 AM): yes i want to be a girl, but eating wasnt the reason
Val H. (1:01 AM): why do u want to be a girl
Lance Romañce (1:02 AM): because other wise, your mom wont give me the time of day
Lance Romañce (1:02 AM): wont even give
Lance Romañce (1:02 AM): i dunno,
Lance Romañce (1:02 AM): you know what i mean
Val H. (1:02 AM): are u saying my mom is lesbian
Lance Romañce (1:02 AM): yes
Val H. (1:02 AM): u are lesbian
Lance Romañce (1:03 AM): i want to be
Val H. (1:03 AM): have u ever given anyone an unusual present
Lance Romañce (1:03 AM): yes
Val H. (1:03 AM): what is the most unusal one u can think of
Lance Romañce (1:03 AM): flowers
Val H. (1:03 AM): why is that unusual
Lance Romañce (1:04 AM): cause most people dont give flowers
Val H. (1:04 AM): why do u like to kill women
Lance Romañce (1:05 AM): jeolosy
Val H. (1:05 AM): what are u jealous of??
Lance Romañce (1:05 AM): women
Val H. (1:06 AM): why
Lance Romañce (1:06 AM): why not?
Val H. (1:07 AM): what is your favorite movie
Lance Romañce (1:07 AM): Tonsil Camp II
Val H. (1:07 AM): what is it about
Lance Romañce (1:08 AM): its a love story
Val H. (1:08 AM): about who
Lance Romañce (1:09 AM): the sun and the moon
Lance Romañce (1:12 AM): and good doctor
Val H. (1:12 AM): i had tonsillitis
Lance Romañce (1:12 AM): you never told me!
Val H. (1:12 AM): i did
Val H. (1:12 AM): it hurt too
Lance Romañce (1:12 AM): it hurt to tell me?
Val H. (1:30 AM): im going to bed


the first letter is from listmember Cassandra K's mother:

Please remove omegapoint@argo.net from your mailing list. Cassandra no
longer is here.

Thank you.

her mother


Dear Cassandra's Mom,
ok, but i will not attend your tea party,
Love,
Lance

the 2nd ;lletter is from Sarah C. of Dongsville, Bog:

Dear Lance~
Someone told me how they got rid of their bad room mates. Maybe it'll work for you. You get a potato and name it after yourself. Then you get 2 other potatos and you name them after your room mates. Make a little shoe box into a dorm for your potatos. Have the potatos talk to eachother and clean up the dorm or whatever....then one day take a hammer and have your potato smash the other 2. If that doesn't work, I find that a pentogram on the floor, a few candles, and the occasional request for sheep's blood keeps people away pretty well.
May all your days be circus days,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Do you know how many people in this world are starving???? You know how many people would kill for just one slice of potato???? You may have billions of potatoes at your disposal, but you take this for granted, as you forget that not all people do. I am ashamed of your selfish un-christian philosophies and would like to request that you be fed to the starving.
Love,
Lance

this last weekend, me and list member Dick M. went up to Foxwoods Casino to see little richard. Did you see little richard??? We did. He sang tuti fruti and good golly miss molly and all that, but it was cool cause on the 3 songs he ivited us up on stage to dance and we did and we got to shake his hand and Dick M. gave him some fuck work stickers. Bitchin! I also saw garbage.

Do you want to do an interview with me?? PLease do. But if you dont want to, you can still find more list members and write more mail and letters. Anyways, until next time, say good bye.

Love,
The Captain,
Lance Romañce


Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
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this mailing is anti-dave mathews
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