125: No Mustard For Raul
10/31/98 1:09 AM

Hi everybody, and welcome back to another exciting issue of lance romañce's anti-people mailing list!!!!! This issue will discuss the disprugance of nurons through out the day. as well as reasons for ponies to quit their jobs.

For those who have forgotten, the Lance Romañce mailing list moved to this address (for those who havent been reading, Lance Romañce used to be Ben Garber)


So, man, how ya beeeeen??? Tomarrow is holloweenie, and me and list member Dick M. are gonna go up to Foxwoods and see little richard. So in preperation, i have been making some rock n roll tapes for the drive up. So far, i have filled a tape up with all my early rcok n roll compalations, and one with all the stray cats songs i have with me here in boston. Yo so stray cats el mucho diego!!! Ole! Next tape to be madw will be fun rock, a 4 record set of Oldies, including suchearly 60s hits as the Monster Mash, Hang On Sloopy, Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater, Boy Named Sue, Little GTO, Mother In Law and Palasides Park, just to name a few. The early 60s is wear its at, though the mid 50s was when it was really goin on, but the point is any one who tells you that the later 60s is where its at is a lier. Fooy canooy!!! But i have lots of tapes, of all sorts, some that are mainluy revolving around late 60s even, i have my classic rock mixes, my rock n roll mixes, my surf mixes, my modern rock mixes, my mixed mixes. I don''t lissen to all of them much, as im not that into classic rock any more, but i mean, if you are gonna go on a long car ride, im your man, cause ive got tapes for every occasion. And i dont have tapes, i will make them. So next time you go on a long car ride, take me. And you will also be safe with my tapes, as you will NEVER find any music by any of today's evil bands, such as DMB, blues travler or the royal crown review.

The band The Royal Crown Review has been added to Lance Romañce's list of evil music that you should not support. The bands that are in it for the money and fame and do ass holey things like sue indipendent buisnesses and small bands and little people. Bands that sue places like microsoft, coca-cola, mcdonalds or the rolling stones are cool, cause cause those are people and places that deserve it, cause theyve been such law suit freaks them selves and drive on nothing except greed. The dave mathews band sued thounsands of indipendant record stores, particularly the ones in the north east, which were the same record stores which helpped him get to where he is today in the corperate rock world, and left the large corperate chain record stores unharmmed. But he became a serious threat to indipendent record stores. DMB also succesfully destoyed a well established boot-leg market, one of the coolest markets in the music industry. The Royal Crown Review is a nother such band of ass hole nature. I have never herd their music, but here is why I do not support them and do encourage you NOT To purchase any of their products. A local Providence band Called the Amazing Royal Crowns has had a good couple of year, touring on the Vans Warpped tour, opening for the cramps, the reverand hortan heat and the mighty mighty boss tones (though im not a boss tones fan either), and even have a small bit about them in the current issue of Rolling Stone (and this sint their first time mentioned). But they've been doing well, and they are good guys. I know the lead singer and hes a real nice guy, he used to work at In Your Ear, one of the record stores that DMB tried to sue, and are likely the biggest band to come out of providence in years (other bands you might remember from providence might be Belly or the Talking Heads, among others). But the royal crowns are still and indie band on an indie lable, no major recording contracts or anything. The royal crown review, the evil band, sued the amazing royal crowns and made them change the name that they have made known over the past few years. The Amazing Royal Crowns are now just the Amazing Crowns. That royal crown review are just being ass holes. Its stupid cause, the 2 bands are about the same age, and they hadnt herd of each other, the royal crowns just wanted a cool name, and they got one. the royal crown review is a stupid name, its down their with the cherry poppin daddies, and they made it so the cool name didn't, and the cooler band, lost out. Why??? Cause they are morons.

Speaking of morons, there is my texan room mate,kyle, who gets worse. He (kyle, the texan) is currently on a burping spree as I write this letter. Man, some times it sounds like hes throwing up, and now hes talking to him self if different voices. The biggest problem with this kid is that hes too confident, he is so sure hes a nice guy and all that.

Now this is what pisses me off the most: I was lissening to a record i bought just the other day, when my friend stopped by and invited me to dinner, so i turned the record off and left. When i came back, there wasa different record on my turn table, and the record i was loissening to was completely missing, i looked all over and couldnt find it at all. Thid kind of pissed me off a bit. But then i found it, and i became more pissed off, i will have to show you the record cause its in very bad shape now, cause somebody hooked it under my bed, and the metal framy thing that holds up my mattress, it was stuck in that, it was hpooked in and i have no iddea how he gotr it there but i had to pull and pull and just ghetting out scratched it more. This one is hard to explain with out showing you, but the point is my record is ruined. And chances are i wont find it again.

My two room mates have become good friends, with the massachusettes one often trying to be like the texan (he farts a lot now too, though not nearly as much as the texan).

The first letter this week is from Lizz W. of Wartonio, Hazzannooo:

Dear Lance, i completely feel abd for you because of your rooomate problem. Id like to share my roomate experience with u! My roomate's boyfriend lives at home with her, so when she is at shcool, in our dorm, she mopes around because he is not there. He comes and stays over a few nights a week, and they are all over each other. he frequently breaks up with her, causeing her to sob in anguish and scream and cry all night and day. On an average of twice a week, i am woken up by ehr sobbing hysterically at two am, or 7 am. Then her laarm clock!!! whoooeee that alarm clock, im going to choke her with it! she is one of those people who does not get up in the morning! Her alarm clock goes off at 745am ( neither of us has classes til 10 and 11)! and she doesnt wake up. this is the most loud and annpoying alarm clock in the world and it wake sme up, but not her. ive resorted to throwing stuffed animals at ehr to wake ehr up to shut it off. Once shes up, she hits snooze, about 6 times!!! it is the most aggravating thing in the world too, because most of the time. i get up cause i dont want to hear her alarm, and she skips ehr class ans sleeps!!!!!!! ok just wnated to share that, and let u know, i feel for you man!

Dear Lizz,
I think the problem is that you throw stuffed animals at her. I mean, they are so soft and warm and fuzzy,they make you want to stay in bed. Who wants to get out of bed and face the world when they can stay in bed witha cute loveable, huggable furry soft stuffed animal??? Not me. Insted of stuffed animals, next time through real animals, or real animals that have been stuffed.
Love,
Lance

the 2nd letter is from listmember Andrea, with no last name, of the himilayas

That sucks about your roommates... I bet they're pod people.
Andrea ( using Jen's screen name )

Dear Andrea,
what is Jen's password?
Love,
Lance

A cursing this issue goes to list member Buzz W. for breaking the same rule jerry did. That means he the no mass mailing my mailing list rule. For this reason, i find it nessisary to poor hot urine coffee down his pants.

Lets see..... welll thats it. Next week will be less people bashing. Anyways, until next week, foe pa!

Love,
Che Captain,
Lance Romañce


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