121: The Julie Issue
10/13/98 12:07 AM

Ok so how the fuck are ya?? Today is list member Julie F's birthday, and so i am dedicating this issue to her memory. Today she turns a whopping 15 years old. Man, I remember when i turned 15. It was 1994 and I was in the 9th grade and they forgot to announce it at morning assembly that fateful wednesday morning. So no one really new it was my birthday. But after school, Jennie Eisenburg gave me a spoon, and i wass just hangin out and walkin around when i accidently walked in on the audition for the school play: Boys From Syracuse. So i figured what the hey, i'll addition. She had 2 people read lines at a time, so it was like 2 auditions in half the time, so i auditioned with Josh Goodman and then I had to sing a song so i just sang yellow submereane. It went well i guess, as i landed the role of The Merchant from Syracuse, that was the best role that any freshman got (freshman gedt crappy roles, most of the freshman in the play were just dancers). So i was proud. And that was my 15th birthday, so happy birthday julie.

Now my 16th birthday was something else. It was now 1995 and my band, the federal roosters, were rippen up the charts with out hit song "Tribute to OJ Simposn," and our cover of monster mash was fab as well. The roosters made it a much better birthday. It was a thursday this year, and on wednesday assembaly, josh and geo announced my birthday and requested presents. Then my birthday was the next day, and look what i got:

Nico gave me 3 cans of Cat Food
Geo gave me a book called "Everybody Poops"
Jon Snow gave me a CD he stole from the radio station.

I forget what else i got but im sure it wasnt as good as those. Then on friday, they announced my birthday was yesterday at assembaly (we didnt have assembalies on thursdays). That saturday all us roiosters were gonna go up to Boston for the day, but then it snowed too much and we couldnt go, and we never did. But in the end, it was fun.

My 17th birthday was a nother fun one. Now being 1996 (now is refering to then), i spent the day with Brent L. and an asortment of other folk. I think i ended up hanging out with every body for at least a few minutes that day. Because i was turning 17, i went and bought my self an issue of seventeen magazine. Also because I was 17, I wanted to take advantage of my new age and get some kids into an R rated movie. We went spacificly to the only theater that checks ID for R rated movies, and i was disapointed that every thing laying sucked and the only thing to see was Star Trek: First Contact, rated a mere PG-13. What a pain in the ass that was, i hated that movie.

My 18th birthday, just last winter, for some reason has slipped my mind. I have no idea what i did. Oh yeah!!! I just hung out on thayer st. with Ben Tilchan, it kind of sucked. Nothing beat my 16th birthday though, i guess thats the lesson here.

Last night i was also able to see the movie Six String Samurai. Though it wasnt very entertaining, and could be a bit to surreal at times, it was pretty cool. If you are into rock n roll, and you very well should be by now, go see it, cause its a rock n roll movie. But whats better than the movie is the soundtrack, provided by a band called Red Elvis, red of course referring to russia. They are a russian flavored rock n roll band, playing russion flavored rockabilly and surf, and they got style too. They also played what was probably the best cover of Miserlou I have ever herd. Check em out, dudes. They are some cool cats, man.

The first letter is from listmember Emmanuel S. of Taco Bell

I will be at a debate all of friday, and most of sat. I will be arriving
at MixFest on sunday, at whatever time people seem to be meeting. That
evening/afternoon, I shall return to providence, and spend monday and
tuesday morning in prov! I will try to visit CHS on tues, perhaps. I
need to insult teachers. Then I am back here! I hope to see you guys, and
if I can't, I send you my best wishes! I love you!

Emmanuel "a lonley jew" Schanzer

Dear Emmanuel,
You are the only other black Jew i know.

PS. I'm not really a jew anymore

The 2nd letter is from listmember Matt R. of Tracter Atrcater

No fair! Your mailing list quiz was rigged. It clearly favors those who check their mail more often. Since I don't have a lot of time during the week to check mail, I'm not given a fair chance! You lump of poop. You get a chance to redeem yourself, however. I think the word you're looking for is "sandwiches".


Dear Matt,
Thank you for writing in. I have taken this into consideration and have canceled the contest section.

Send in your letters for the next issue and also find some new members.

This week's contest is much simpler. This week, the contest asks you to tickle matt r. until he wets his pants. The first person to get matt to wet his pants will win a free subscription to the Lance Romañce Mailing List for half a century. The 2nd and 3rd people to wet matts pants will win similer prizes of lesser value.

Anyways, thats it for this week. Happy birthday to Julie F. and find new members and letters. Until next time, ga chong!!!

he king of the surf tuning whistle,
Lance Romañce

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