105/6: ooooo eeeeeee ooooooo
8-13-98 4:07

Good morning, miss. I would like to welcome a new member. I do not kniow who the memer is, or ever have a name, so i will refer to the new member as Big Bird. Big Bird was born in the town of Amish. Growing up fast and strong, ah for get it.

MY WEBSITE: My website has been up dated. There is now a catalog of EVERY mailing list ever sent. Well, except for 2 of them, i believe. But they are all there for you to read through. The web sight is at the address http://www.tiac.net/users/yahtzee/dmb_sucks.html and can now also be accessed from an easier to remember address: www.thegym.net/crackwhore and that will bring you to the same page.

-they are comfy
-they smell nice
-they provide oxygen
-they are edible
-they dont catch on fire
-they dont throw up too much
-they are made in france
-they help old people
-they prop your head
-they like Elvis
-they look like Emmanuel (listmember)
-they arent to heavy
-they make good book marks
-they like to lick your face in the morning
-they are air conditioned
-they were invented by a pilgrum
-they come with a free gift

-they are too watery
-they dont sell them at the post office
-Elvis didn't like them
-they are bad sexual partners
-they don't tell you they love you
-they wet the bed

Today i woke up and i just stayed laying down. Then i went upstairs and had some frosted flakes and reead the funnies. ha ha.... that crazy dagwood! then i went down stairs and laid down some more, then i went to cvs then i came back and lied down some more. I called up the police and told them that they parked one of their helicopters in front of my drive way and that i needed to get out.

So how are you??? You know, i got the first letter here from listmember Emily S. of Bath, Room:

<< Before we saw the movie, this really crazy crazy guy from minnisota came
up to us and started following us. We had fun with him, he was nuts.
But because it was absolutely indiscribable, i wont even bother trying. >>

Yeah I know you wrote this a while ago, but I thought it was funny, 'cause I've just been in Minnesota for a month learning French. yay Minnesota! It's very prety there, but it's the midwest. not too badly midwest, cause it's close to Canada, eh?, but still it's the midwest. friendly farming people who call soda "pop". Who the hell calls soda "pop"???? "Can I have a pop, please?" Whaddya want, a popsicicle?? damn midwesterners. no offense meant for any midwestern floks you have hiding in yourself, Ben/ Lance, whoever the hell you are. My computer deleted all my old mail, so I have no idea how you got to be lance.
And yay French, too! You're right in school they don't teach real French. I just got back from a month of French immersion camp, so I know lotsa slang now, yay! I had fun reading your french newsletter. But, I'm no longer in ACT, so I can't be an idiot ACT person, sorry...
Love and Purple Cows,

Dear Emily,
Yeah, what the fuck is pop? This guy came up to us said "do you want to get some pop?" but it sound like he said "do you want to get some pot?" But he said Pop. When i was in washington, there were people from mina SOE dah (thats how they say minasota, like the mom from bobbies world) and they all called people Pop. I mean soda, they called soda Pop, not people. But when the guy on thayer st. said pop, i sad "Are you from minisota?" and he said "YEah!!! Howd you know>" And so i told him i was from minisota. I told him i played hockey there. If you want to see how i became lance, go to www.thegym.net/crackwhore and click on the mailing list link, and there is a near complete collection of mailing lists for you to look back on and reminise.

The second letter is from Emmanuel S. of Shit, Mutha:

Lance....you have done me wrong. window.status indicators do not create
new windows. They appear in the same area as scrolling text, but they do
not scroll. Scrolling text gets in the way of seeing links and status,
wheras the alternative gives users the option of seeing either one. You
have made me seem like a fool to all the listmembers. They are sure to
rise against me, now. please set this straight.

Jah Love,
Emmanuel "I hate java" Schanzer

Dear Emmanuel,
I've put in window statuses, but have kept (and updated) the scrolling so you cant read the window statuses. Im looking into ways to get them readable with out getting rid of the scrolling. I really really like the scrolling, so much that i will punch you in your face if you insult them again!!! And after i punch you I will kiss you wildley, passionately!

Please send your mail, stories, comments, questions, complains and homogenised milk to me. MAiling instructiosn are at the end of this mailing.

As you may or may not remember, I fired Matt from the real world. So who do i replace matt with???? Well, i gave Laura a few people to try out, so over the next few issues, Laura's lover will be different each time till one is found who is both intresting and online enough to do this. So Laura's lover for this week is list member Mike M:

MLSchind: hi
MMarkov848: Hey
MLSchind: how goes it?
MMarkov848: You wanna rock'n roll big daddy?
MLSchind: come again?
MMarkov848: I sold my soul to rock and roll
MLSchind: I hope you made a good profit
MMarkov848: Not really. I got into a lame band (Damn Yankees) and lost all
my hair
MLSchind: sounds like you got screwed
MMarkov848: But I met Bob Dylan
MLSchind: and that was worth your soul? the essence of your being? your
MMarkov848: Yeah

OK, well thats it for now. Send me mail and find new listmembers. Until next week, see ya later. SO long.

your mistress,
Lance Romañce

Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
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