103: Mama Said Knock You Out (HUH!)
8.3.98 12\46Morn

Good morning, sunshine. Im gonna knock yout (huh!) mama said knock you out (huh!) I like this song. I havent herd it in ages. Dont call it a come back!!!! thats a great line. "Dont call it a come back. I been here for years."

I gotta start off by introducing a new listemember: Jenny D. Jenny D's father invented Jell-0. JEll-0 is also the name of Jenny's older sister, who Jell-0 is named after. Just like dave thomas did when he named wndey's after his daughter who he also chose to name wendy's.

So how are you all. Do any of you realise just how great hotels are??? I mean, they are truely fantastic inventions, and you don't have to stay in one to take advantage of them. Just look:
-Lets say you want to go toa good restaraunt thats open at 3 am that serves breakfast. Me and marrow were looking for one, so we stopped into a local hotel and asked where there was one. They gave us directions on how to get to a great one, called the Silver top. And we never would have found this wonderful place with out the help of the hotel.
-Last year, listmemeber Lani R. came down fom Boston to visit me. I foolishly bought her maps and mailed them to her so that she could find how to meet me somewhere. But it was very foolish for me to buy a map. What i should have done was gone to the local hotel and just asked for a map. They would have given me one for free.
-Last friday we were going to a concert, but we didnt want to carry our back packs, so we went to the local hotel, and just went up to the door man and asked him if we could check our bags. It cost us maybe 3 or 4 dollars for tip (which you dont have to do, but its a good idea). It was much better than just sticking our bags in our some bushes, and they were good and secure. So it woked out pretty well.
- Some times you just have no where to go or stay and you dont have money and its 3 am and youd just like to at least be able to sit down. But its cold outside and everything is closed. So just go over to your local hotel and just hang out in the lobby. We once just hung out in the lobby of the westin for 6 hours, from midnight till 6 am on a night when it was just too cold and i forgot my jacket i think. And time went by fast.

I got lectured about my grades the other day, can you believe it??? That really pissed me off cause i dont want to think about high school. I hate high scool, im done with it, ive moved on. And here comes mom with bull shit about how disapointed she is that i failed spannish. Who cares???? Im fucking done with high school, its over, im going to college, fuck you!!!!!

im gonna begga begga begga you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE visit my web site NOW (at http://www.tiac.net/users/yahtzee/dmb_sucks.html). The goal of this page has stepped up from being just something to coinside with the mailing list, but something completely different. The goal of this webpage has be come to keep you entertained on those long boaring rainy sundays when no ones around and theres nothing to do and you dont have any money. You know what im saying??? And on days like that, you now will have a place to go for entertainment: My web site. My website is filling up with stories i wrote, pictures of me, music ive played.... Not to mention games, a billion links to other sights to visit (completely unorganized, so you have to rumage through them), the latest news from th ACLU, news about me, movies to watch, forms to fill out, comics to laugh at, art to admire, and just hoyurs and hours of just sitting there and being entertained by me. So when im not around its the next best thing. I like this paragraph, i will use it in my next mailing. Its still got a long way to go and a lot of bugs to work out, but PLEASE check it out. I am begging, and how often do i beg???? There is still a lot more to come. Im currently in the process of converting back issues of this mailing list to HTML, so you will soon be able to go and look at some back issues. But go there now and check it out!!! It has changed since the last time you went there!!!!! And on top of t6hat, i have a listmembers section. I am now accepting writings and art work from YOU, the listmember, to be published on the list websight!!! SO visit now and send me some of yoru wrokd. All right, well so long. Good bye.

And those are just some of the exciting uses you can get out of your local hotel.

I was on Dateline NBC tonite because i won the powerball, and im splitting it up amungst 13 people.

The first letter is from listmember Allison J. of Carnival, Cruises:

so far the site is good, the real world thing is actually pretty funny, i would have never thought of that. did you think of that yourself?

Dear Allison,
Yes, i created the real world. I wrote the real bible too.

The second letter is from Matt R. of Your Grocer's Produce Section:

Okay Ben, I am upset now. I was having a perfectly mediocre day, and now you had to make it slightly worse than mediocre. I take offense to your ludicrous made up instant messages between me, Laura, and various historical madmen. I am actually being a little bit serious here, so pay attention! You have taken the brilliant device created by AOL (the instant message machine) and manipulated its uses to not only satisfy your pathetic desires, but also to disguise the truth! Although Santa Claus is someone I'd chat with any day, I don't think it's fair of you to fool the entire mailing list audience. Just think of all those 60 or 70 people out there who now think that Santa really has an AOL account! Now I have to be the one to tell them that it's not true! Thanks a whole bunch, Ben, for making a monster out of me. Tu es con.


Dear Matt,
First of all, since when is Santa Clause a historical madman? Second of all, since when is aol brillient? Thirdly, i am lance. And fourth of all your fired!!!!!! Your off the real world!!!

MLSchind: hi matt
Ozzy Ozborne: did you have your bowling party yet?
MLSchind: yup, that's over, you missed it
Ozzy Ozborne: did you win?
MLSchind: never
Ozzy Ozborne: why not?
MLSchind: have you seen 'there's something about Mary?'
MLSchind: I can't bowl :-(
Ozzy Ozborne: no, should I?
MLSchind: Yes!
Ozzy Ozborne: is it as funny as everyone has been telling me?
MLSchind: Yes!
Ozzy Ozborne: is it really un-PC like the paper says?
MLSchind: in parts
Ozzy Ozborne: when did you sse it?
MLSchind: last night, awesome awesome movie, the theater was sold out on a Thursday
Ozzy Ozborne: so you're saying i should see it this weekend huh?
MLSchind: see it now
MLSchind: go!
Ozzy Ozborne: wow
Ozzy Ozborne: i don't have enough time now
MLSchind: what are you doing?
Ozzy Ozborne: well, nothing now, but i gotta work later
MLSchind: where do you work?
Ozzy Ozborne: some people call it a fast food restaurant...those people are fools
Ozzy Ozborne: more intelligent people call it a living hell
MLSchind: McDonalds?
Ozzy Ozborne: nah, WEndy's
MLSchind: is that the best you could get?
Ozzy Ozborne: mcdonalds it probably better
Ozzy Ozborne: yeah, although an ice cream place called me back last week
Ozzy Ozborne: but it's too late for that
MLSchind: why?
Ozzy Ozborne: because i just started wendy's and I wouldn't be working there for too long anyway
MLSchind: well, sounds delightful
Ozzy Ozborne: what do you do? just the publishing?
Ozzy Ozborne: oops, that sounds bad
Ozzy Ozborne: sorry
MLSchind: I do sports, so I don't have time for much else
MLSchind: I just get money from my parents, its a good system, I reccomend it, you don't get your hands dirty
Ozzy Ozborne: i hate asking for money
MLSchind: why?
Ozzy Ozborne: i'd rather earn it, sounds stupid huh/
Ozzy Ozborne: i like to be independent of my parents
MLSchind: I know that'll happen soon enough, I don't need to rush it
Ozzy Ozborne: i dunno, i guess I'm just like that
Ozzy Ozborne: what can you usually get from them?
Ozzy Ozborne: hallo?
Ozzy Ozborne: ok, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to
MLSchind: sorry, I had to make some calls
MLSchind: the varsity tennis coach has asked my doubles partner and I to play a match tomorrow
Ozzy Ozborne: oh, i see how it is
MLSchind: that's a good thing
MLSchind: I want to make varsity this year, and he knows who I am :) good stuff
Ozzy Ozborne: school tennis in july?
MLSchind: the season starts in August
Ozzy Ozborne: ouch
MLSchind: it's still a shorter season than basketball which runs from November to March
Ozzy Ozborne: you are athletic is see
MLSchind: I play a lot of sports at any rate
Ozzy Ozborne: i play tennis too
MLSchind: for school or fun?
Ozzy Ozborne: school, i hardly play at all outside of that, which is too bad
MLSchind: it's really a great sport, very social
Ozzy Ozborne: social?
Ozzy Ozborne: how's that?
MLSchind: you can talk while playing, at least around here everyone took lessons when they were little, so that was a way to meet people
Ozzy Ozborne: oh, tennis isn't too big around here, there being winter and all
MLSchind: oh yeah, you get that seasonal thing
Ozzy Ozborne: heh heh
Ozzy Ozborne: yeah, i can't play indoors anyway
MLSchind: I've never played inside, that would probably be cool
Ozzy Ozborne: i hate indoor tennis, the ball carries so far
MLSchind: cool
Ozzy Ozborne: too expensive too
MLSchind: but now you're raking in the big bucks
Ozzy Ozborne: it's like $20 for an hour
Ozzy Ozborne: yeah, sure, big bucks my arse
MLSchind: :)
Ozzy Ozborne: we should play sometime
Ozzy Ozborne: i'd beat you so bad
MLSchind: not even, I'd whoop your ass
Ozzy Ozborne: yeah right, you're a girl
MLSchind: I could still beat you soundly, wimp!
Ozzy Ozborne: yeah right, your wouldn't have a chance
Ozzy Ozborne: just because you're a jock doesn't mean you can beat me
MLSchind: no, not because I'm a jock, just because I'm better
Ozzy Ozborne: if you're so good, why aren't you already on varsity?
MLSchind: that's low, I'd slap you if you were here
Ozzy Ozborne: hee hee
Ozzy Ozborne: i win
MLSchind: not a chance
Ozzy Ozborne: when are you coming back here?
MLSchind: about a year, when I come to school
Ozzy Ozborne: which school, you know already?
MLSchind: I don't, but Brown
Ozzy Ozborne: next time you visit, call me up and I'll welcome you with a good ass-whipping on the court
Ozzy Ozborne: ha ha ha
Ozzy Ozborne: if you have nothing to say, I'm gonna take off now
MLSchind: kiwi
Ozzy Ozborne: see ya lata
MLSchind: bye

What do you all think of the real world??? Should i keep it or get rid of it???? Some people like it and some people dont, so voice your oppnion. I will admit i have doctored them just a little bit, but who cares??? WHat do you all think????

I gotta send out a whole bunch o shots this week: I gotta send a shot out to list member Lani R. who moved today from Brookline, Mass to New York City. She has been working her ass of and she finely moved. Congradulations!!!! I Gotta send a shot out to listmember Val H. because it was her 19th birthday friday, so happy birthday. She is also the very first list member to celelbrate 2 birthdays in a row in the company of my mailing list. Thanks for staying with us so long. She is also a member of the first family to have 2 family members on the list, as her sister, listmember Jen H. is also a list member, and she gets a shot out too this week. Jen got into a car accident. She drove right into a gas station and the gas station blew up and they had to take her out on a helicopter!!!! Sorry, jen. Just be glad you you didnt loose ALL of your arms and legs.

Ok, well, im gonna take off now. Please write in and find new list members., Espeshaly write in if you havent writen in before!!! All right, thank you, good night!!!

The first astronaut to get herpees in space,
Lance Romañce

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