100: the GREATEST INVENTION EVER
7.21.98 10\28Morn

Ok, so we all know how nice it is to have a nice bowl of lucky charms, right??? and froot loops are fantastic, too. The other day i was making a bowl of lucky charms, but i ran out half way through the bowl, so i filled it up with froot loops. That was pretty good. I guess you might call it Lucky Loops. Fruity Charms wouldnt sound right. Unfortunately, this combination doesnt seem likely, because they are ade by different companies. But i was at the grocery store just yesterday and there it was, the combination: Froot Loops With Marshmellows!!! This was the greatest thing id ever seen!!!!! This was brilliant!!!! Go out and get some now. This is gret, cause now inste of having to by a box of froot loops and a box of lucky charms, i can just by 2 boxes of froot loops with marshmellows. Hoorah!!!!! This is fantsastic. Get a box NOW!

Ok. well, ato lcear things up, , the word "debile" used in the last issue was not supposed to meen "weak." It was supposed to mean "nerd" and Marrow T's poor translation job just fucked it all up. But that was fun cause ive never gotten so many people asking about the mailing. I really got to see just who reads the mailing. I had fun with that.

This past weekend, i spent the weekend going up to Berklee for a production workshop. Basicly, I learned about production, midi, digital audio editing and recording using computers and how to protect my work legally. It was actualy very good, i learned a good deal, but more importamntly, i think im definatly gonna go into music synthasis as my major. That would consist of midi sequencing and producing and just making and producing music all on computer, it would be nice cause music and computers are the only 2 hobbies i have, so i would get a job working with 2 things im intrested in, and i'll love it. Its cool. I learned how to make synthasizer noises and stuff like that. I also met some people who will probably be my teachers. And the guy who did all the computer stuff was fantastic. They are all really nice. Most musicians are nice people though. Go into a music store sometime and ask for directions to somewhere, musicians are some of the friendliest people, with the possable exception of jazz musicians and gangsta rappers.

Jazz musicians tend to be assholes, to them EVERY thing is about jazz. And if its not about jazz then fuck you. They tend to have sticks in their asses. I dont like jazz musicians. They are stuck up. (come visit me at berklee and i will proove it to you.)

Here are some letters:

the first letter is from Sam R. of Choo Choo, Train:

Mon chËre Lance,
Tu fous ton chien tous les soirs avec des hommes qui sont trop vieux d'avoir des orgasmes. J'espËre que tes organes gÈnitaux se dessÈchent un jour quand tu es avec la plus belle fille du monde. Tu auras un enfant avec ton chien, et je l'appelerai Ben, Jr. Je m'en fous avec tes caractËres ridicules. Et un jour, un homme qui s'appelle Bubba tua ton chien. «a sera le bout de ton monde. Et je serais bien amusÈe. Baise mon cul. Non, vraiment, j'insiste.
---
++ Sam ++

Dear Sam,
All i can say is maybe.
Love,
Lance

The 2nd letter of from list member Dana P. of Poo, Poo. She was the one i spacificly made the last list for:

lance,

thanks for takin the time to make an all french news letter.... the last time i talked to u i decided what kind of person would i be if i could not communicate with fine french people.... so i took a week class at the community college and now i speak fluenty....well ben, tienas un dia buena...

buenas noches,
dana

Dear Dana,
You are a nerd.
Love,
Lance

Please continue to write in and send me letters and find new members.

List member Nate D. had anotther good idea: The entire mailing list should all syncronise theair watches. So lets do it. Set your watch to 11.12 AM when i say so. Ready??? 3.2..oh damn it missed it. lets wait a minute and try again. Ok, when i say so, set your watch exactly to 11.13 AM. Ok, readdy???? 3...2...1...NOW!

Mattski300: hi laura
Mattski300: this is matt
MLSchind: goood morning
MLSchind: how are you
MLSchind: i have a stiff neck
Mattski300: i'm good. I just washed my car. I'm sorry.
MLSchind: You mean you had a dirty car? You moron
Mattski300: dont call me a moron
Mattski300: if i'm a moron than your a mirin
Mattski300: i mean moron
MLSchind: shut up your stupid
Mattski300: if i'm stupid then your stupid
MLSchind: alright
Mattski300: Laura, can I tell you a secret?
MLSchind: yes
Mattski300: Laura, I think I'm in love
MLSchind: with who?
Mattski300: Lance
MLSchind: I am too
Mattski300: I am just kidding, i can't stand him.
MLSchind: why not?
Mattski300: hes a moron
Mattski300: he smells bad and hes stupid
MLSchind: i think hes a genious
Mattski300: oh.
MLSchind: I think your a moron.
Mattski300: if i'm a moron then your a moron
Mattski300: you are a moron
MLSchind: matt, shut up
Mattski300: I'm hurt
MLSchind: good bye, matt
Mattski300: laura?
Mattski300: hello?
MLSchind: go away
Mattski300: because i'm a moron
MLSchind: yes
Mattski300: ok
Mattski300: laura?
Mattski300: laura?
Mattski300: hello?

anyways, thats it for now. Have a nice weekend, write in, call in, get new members., See ya later!!! Un till next time, good bye.

love,
the eskimo king,
Lance Romance


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