96: good will slotnik
6.28.98 11\58Nite

do yoou all know will slotnik??? That guys great.

Hey every one, whats up???? I am pleased to announce that i am redoing the mailing list, trying to get the list quality up, as well as member partisipation. I know i can do this, it is my goal. I wont say i think i can do this because thats not the kind of attitude i have. My attitude is i will do this, damn they who curse thee, for i dunno. forget it. anyways, i have plans for the next few weeks to increase quality and consumption. So here are the basics for my plans:

1. The "I HATE LAMCE SECTION" - this mailing list has long been pro-ben garber/lance romance. Well, that is going to change. I have hired list member Jennifer H. of Cranston, Ri to write a column that is against me. It will be highly insultive and anti-ben. It will be nasty and crude. But jen cant do it alone, she needs your help!!! She is in charge of the column, she will be writing it, but your submissions are important. SO write to Jen and tell her everything bad about me. tell her what a moron i am!!! Why i'm an ass hole!! Why i'm stupid!!!! Why i'm boring!!!! Complain, conplain, complain!!!!! Be brutal, dont hold anything back. And what do you do if you have nothing negative to say about me???? THEN MAKE SOMETHING UP!!!! It doesnt matter if its true or not, the point is that i am a horrable person and you need to help proove that, no matter what it takes. And if that means making things up, then make things up. I espeshaly want input from Sylvia S, i want sylvia to be more negative than she has ever been. Anyways, Jen-nerd-fer will be working oon this collumn for the next issue. Submit a lot of negative things about me to her by emailing her at poohofri@aol.com and be dont hesitate to say ANY thing. I want Lani R. to write for this thing too. But all of you have to do it. And send all your negative things right to jen, not to me. And dont wait to finnish the list, write her now. That email adress again is poohofri@aol.com

please write your anti-ben/lance attacks <a href = "mailto:poohofri@aol.com">here</a>. <---(click there NOW)

2. More origional writing - Starting this week i intend to start wriying more stories again. And every story i write will have a lesson, a moral. But it doesnt stop there!!! I am making a contest!!! See, what i need is from you is morals. I need the lesson to teach. I want YOU to come up with the morals. But wait!!! it doesnt stop there!!! There is a moral writing contest!!! "A moral writing contest?" Yes!!! A moral writing contest!!!! The way this will work is that you guys submit your morals, then i write stories based on these morals. The person who sends the moral that results in the best story wins a prize. But, dont stop there!!! There will be 2nd and 3rd prizes too. The third place winner will take home a popsicle. The 2nd place winner will get a hooker, and the first place winner will also get a popsicle!!!! So go on, help me out. I all ready have a few morals I am working on, and these are good examples of what kind of morals i am looking for. Often, common phrases work best. The four i curtrently have are "look both ways before you cross the street," "i before e, except after c," "always use a condom" and the phrase i live by, "don't trust whitey." So please submit others and I will write and use them in furture mailings. This will be a great mailing list improver. I am excited. So please submit some morals right now!!! Don't wait to finish reading the list!!! Submit some now.

Please send your morals <a href = "mailto:hevanscent@aol.com">here</a>

3. The Real World - this is my version of the Real World, using IMs. I took listmember's Laura S. and Matt R. and told them to IM each orther every time they are on together. ANd everytime they IM each other, they will send me the IM< so we can all follow Matt and Laura's relationship as they establish it and elope. I will now present you with their very first IM. This is the best IM ever made. If you all had IMs like this, I would by you all popsicles!!!!! Anyways, here is their IM:

Calgal14: hi
Mattski300: hey there
Mattski300: ben sent you, right?
Calgal14: how goes it?
Calgal14: yuppers
Mattski300: it goes sleepy
Mattski300: i don't know you do I?
Calgal14: I don't think so
Mattski300: I am Matt
Calgal14: hi Matt, I'm Laura
Calgal14: now we're supposed to be entertaining
Mattski300: yeah, so lets be really boring
Calgal14: I like lint
Mattski300: I don't like lint.
Calgal14: oh
Calgal14: what do you like?
Mattski300: that is a good question
Mattski300: I like to answer questions.
Calgal14: questions are our friends
Calgal14: are questions the only things you like?
Mattski300: Hold on ...I'm gonna make a smiley face with question marks
Calgal14: ok
'?' '?'
Calgal14: wow, I think that was a little too interesting
Mattski300: Sorry bout that, all this talk about questions got me excited
Mattski300: lets talk abou t ben now
Calgal14: he's such a bitch
Mattski300: yeah, sometimes i just feel like slapping him
Mattski300: his feet are so ugly
Calgal14: I've never been able to get past his nappy ankles personally
Mattski300: heh heh, yeah, and I hate all of his friends too.....woops!
Mattski300: can I delete that?
Calgal14: why?
Mattski300: well, if all the listmembers are reading this...
Calgal14: ah, who actually reads the whole thing?
Mattski300: that's true
Mattski300: where are you now?
Calgal14: Cali
Calgal14: you?
Mattski300: okay, i live in mass
Calgal14: how old are you?
Mattski300: 17 years
Calgal14: me too!!
Mattski300: :-)
Mattski300: that means it is socially acceptable for us to chat!!
Calgal14: yes!! what a relief
Mattski300: are you a senior next year?
Calgal14: yup
Mattski300: or are you one of those genius people who graduates college at age 15
Mattski300: me too
Calgal14: I'm a stupid average person :(
Mattski300: nah, average people aren't stupid...just boring
Mattski300: I'm kidding, you're not boring, I don't even know you
Calgal14: now you have to compliment me
Mattski300: you have good spelling
Mattski300: ok, your turn now
Calgal14: you have nice hair
Mattski300: :-D
Calgal14: ;)
Mattski300: C|:-)>
Mattski300: that's abe lincoln
Calgal14: no it's not, he's dead
Mattski300: who is it then?
Calgal14: it's not actually a person, I hate to tell you this, but it's just a bunch of arbitrary symbols on a computer screen
Mattski300: you're silly
Calgal14: thank you
Mattski300: what was that?
Calgal14: a lion
Mattski300: oh. damn lions
Calgal14: and tigers
Calgal14: and bears
Mattski300: no, that was weird, it's like a mystery now
Calgal14: an exciting mystery? we can't have any of that
Mattski300: no no no
Mattski300: It is way too late for me, my brain is melting, and I am tired
Mattski300: i think i should say good night
Calgal14: ok, say it
Mattski300: good night Laura
Calgal14: goodnight Matt

My favorite part was when matt got scared he insulted listmembers and the laura said that no one really reads the list. Heh heh heh. Its funny cause its true. Look for moremattlaura IMs comming up in future issues of The Real World.

anyways, thats it for now. i am just keeping you updated. this isnt a real mailing, but keep the email rolling in. I know this list has been not so great lately, but i am wporking on it. Thanks for your psatience.

your chum,
Lance Romance

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