95: Jeepers, creepers... Where'd ya get those peepers?
6.26.98 1\05Nite

Hi every every one. I am back. Summer vacatipon is under way and damn it, isucks. I've never been so excited for school to start. I WANT school to start. Summer is too boaing, they give you 24/7 free time, and expect you to always have something to do. Whats up with that? Sleeping is nice, but i can only sleep so much. I love being asleep, but trying to fall asleep is such a challenge, i hate that part. The only reason i hate going to sleep is because of that process between being awake and being asleep, and that is called the middle of it all. That part is boaring cause you just lie there and think. But thats what summer is like all day, and i dont want to lie down and think any more, you know? Ug, what a pain in the ass. But for those who havent known yet, i graduated high school finely, the monday before this past one. yay!!! I sart Berklee College Of Music (in boston) in the fall. I can't wait, i dont want vacation any more. I want something to keep me occupied. Ug. There is nothing.

Here is a neat lie trick. A lot of people ask me where i go to college and i say "berklee" and they say "wow" then i say "the one in boston" and they say "oh". then a few seconds later they say "wow." But i will tell you npow the easiest way to tell the difference. If i was going to california, i would be going to Berkley. If i was going to boston, which i am, i would be going to Berklee. The difference ithe ending: the one in california ends in 'ey' cause thats the name of the city its in. The one in boston ends in 'ee' because the name of the man who founded it was named Lee Berk, and when you turn that around it says Berklee, lee being spelled like they name Lee. There is no one named Ley, so dont get them confused any more, please.


Have you ever thought about having me over for dinner, but you are afraidi wont like the food you would serve???? Well, to make it easy for you, i have made a list here of the foods that i dont like, so keep it handy in your kitchen. This way, youll know hat not to cook, or buy at the store before i come to your crib, g. I like to call this little feature "LUNCHES that LANCE doesn't LIKE"

chocolate
mexican
spagetti
mustard
vegitables
pares
klingons
pidgens
o'rang o'tang milk
testicles
sausage
cow tung
veal
mayonaise
nuts (excluding salted pistacios and honey roasted peanuts)
honey smacks
2% milk
things that look disgusting
things that smell disgusting
chowder
seafood
gravy
chilli
salsa
kung-fu fighters
aluminum
highways
streets
gasoline
armadillo shell

and now for some letters.

The first letter is from list member Liz G. of Grand, Ma:

Ben, may I just say that my mailing list (wonderously cool thing that it
was) was NOT started soon after I joined yours, but rather many months
later, and NOT as a response to yours, but rather as a response to the
boredom and ennui that fill Christmas vacation when the only thing you're
doing with your days is going to drivers' ed with Mr. Teatro, Mr. Piniero,
and Mr. LaChute.

~me

Dear Liz,
I had those same guys, but i always thought his name was Mr. Parafinalia. That guy didnt make sense. Thse first day he went off on us about beepers and why we dont need them. Did you know all 3 of them are teachers at Shea high school in Pawtucket???? So if you ever want to stop by and see them, please do. Did you have that guy from MADD too????? That really slow guy who talked about brandon, and the detox kids..... You know they snowed out one day for us even though it didnt snow, they just thought it was gonna snow, so they called it off that day and had us come in on saturday. Did you take it at Moses Brown???? Wow, that was a while ago. I took drivers ed in 95, and i still have no lisence. I'll never forget cause on the way to drivers ed one day, i stopped in at CVS and they had these HUMUNGUS bags of popcorn, like a small garbage bag, and this big bag was only 99 cents. So i bought one and it lasted the whole week. I brought that bag to drivers ed every day. Thats why every one in that class remembered me. That and my hair. That was when i had my best hair ever, when it was really really long blonde and curley. I looked like robert plant, but better. But not every robert plant, just some robvert plants. Oh well, se ya. Thanks for writing.
Love,
Lance

the sec letter if from Leon Z. of Lake Edna, or your neck of the woods.

Mr Garbo-
There is a problem with the newsletter. It is severe.
Your content is dwindling. The mailings are more seemingly more frequent and much less substantial. If you have noticed, the Advertisement/Legal section is larger than the whole rest of the newsletter. Don't sacrifice quality! Quantity is not as important to me.
Smooches,
-Huntago

Dear Leon,
thank you for writing in. If you notice at the bottom, i have shortend the legal/advirtisement section quite a bitl. Though still a good size, as there are things that i felt should be said, its been cut at least in half, if not more. Whatould you recomend??? How can I improove the list???? Its hard to figure out for my self because i never get any response, i have a few things that have been suggested that i plan on working ion. I might bring back The Real World of IMs, my version of MTV's the real world. But what else should i do??? What things have you liked??? Or not liked?? What should i get rid of?? What should i bring back??? I tend to get paranoid with the list cause i dont get enough feed back. The audience is dead silent, so i never know. Laughter is always the best eed back cause you cant force a crowd to laugh, so if they laugh, you know your good and if they dont, you gotta start doing something. But i dont here any one laugh so i am dependent on your letters and feed back and suggestions. SO please, bring them in. Not just you, leon, but EVERYone. Thank you. I owe you a popsicle.
Love,
Lance

please send your letters to the instructions below. Also, get more people to join my list. There are joining instructions below too.

so whats up??? I dunno. I am just bored. Come hang out with me!!!! I have been chillin with the same people for all of vacation for the most part, and i am just getting sick of all them. So if i have never met you or if i have and just not seen you in a while, come chill with me. I will buy you a popsicle.

Whats up with my name change???? I am not yet sure what i will be changing it to legally. How ever, few of you may remember in 8th grde when i convinced the entire middle school my name was Kathey Ireland. ost of the people who signed my yea5r book wrote "dear kathy." I will show it to yall some time if you want. Anyways, next year i plan on doing the same thing at berklee, and will be introng my self as Lance Romance, in the hopes that will be how people know me. Will it work? I dont know. I came up with the idea for the name Lance in spannish class when we were reading Don Cayote, and i started telling peiople to call me lance. My spannish teacher came up with Romance.

i gotta send some shots out again this week. firstly, gotta send a shot out to Liz G. to apolagise for acusing her of making a list just because i had a list. I would like to apolagise to val h. for yelling at her and all that stuff i yelled at her, gotta send a shot out to list member Lani R. because she is sick and cause i didnt get her roses like i said. ANd get well soon to those of you who havent been feeling so great for one reason or another. I will get you all popsicles.

Do i owe you an apolagy??? I forget. Let me know if i do. Also, if you want me to send a shot out to another list member let me know. Buzz, this is the perfect p[lace to ask Loren E. to marry you!!!!

Anyways, eough of that sappy carppy crap. I am gonna go now and make some calls. So for the rest of you, see yall later. Help me imporve the list. So, until next tme, see ya later.

Love,
the best damned cop there ever was,
Lance Romance


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