93: hey kids
6.17.98 11\03Nite

Hey whats up, yall. You know what is funny. I started this list last may of 97, and since 4 listmembers have started up their own lists which have never lasted very long. I have never given any attention to these lists on my list, but those 4 i no doubt asume were all created with my list as the prime inspiration. Cause lets face it: I am the first. And these people all seemed to start their list soon after subscribing. Well, a 5th member has started his own list. List member Pete M. will try to be the 5th person i know to start a mailing list after me. Will he be succesful????? That is another question.

But thinking about this, pete inspired me to answer a question I'm sure you ahave all askeds your selves at one time or another. Where the fuck did this come from????? Well, as you know, i started this list late last may. I was sitting home one day, bored. I was looking through some of the mail action capabilities of Claris Emailer, and thinking to myself "this would be perfect if i were ryunning a mailing list of some sort. Too bad I am not." I was also bored, needing something new. I thought it would be cool to have a mailing list but who the hell would want my mailing list????? Then i remembered i was Ben Garber and that EVERYONE would want to read my mailing list. So i set up the mail actions, which is why i have people write the word "subside" in the subject if they want to subscribe. You see, when i recieve mail witha subject that says "subside," my computer automaticly adds that person's email address to a list, sends a reply thanking you for subscribing, and files your email in a special folder. Then, to send mail to the entire list, i just have to have to hit a button and its automaticly adressed to everybody. SO i set that up, then i wrote up an ad to send to a bunch of people, i sent that to about 30 people, trying to convince them to be on the list. About half of those people had subscribed by the time i sent out the 2nd mailing, and over a third by the time i sent out the second. Of those oriional 30 or so people, i believe only one of then never joined (her email addresss is lavalamp3@aol.com and her name is Jen). Anyways, thats how the list started.

Now i gotta send out some shots> I gotta send shots out to everybody who i called stupid last weekend, sorry. I got to send shots to people who did not recieve last weeks mailing as a result of human error, and i have to send a shot out to list member Val H. for helping me out so much all last week, so thank you for that, it was appreciated. I will be up late in the kitchen this weekend trying to bake you all popsicles. Some of you may just have to settle for ice cubes or rocky road.

How many of you remember the summer of 1996 when the Macarena was EVERY where: On the radio, in every joe david letterman made, stuck in your head..... Well, i dont know how many of you have noticed that it has disappeared. I mean, when was the last time you herd that song???? Its not on the radio any more, david letterman has left it behind for the bill clinton sex scandle and you just dont think about it so much. So where did it go?????? I miss the macarena el mucho. So, help me and get it back on the air!!!! Call every radio station in town and request it!!!! please!!!!!!

This week's first letter is from Pete M. of Juvinile, Hall:


i am appaled! sure, i am stupid, and i can attest that about half of
the listmembers are, but that is no reason to turn the list into a
stupidity. your list is one of the greatest things on the internet, in
my opinion. and i am not kidding. its better than cyber porn. it's
better than espn omline. its better than my explosives website. please
dont kill the list. i love it. we all love it. the american people
love it. you are doing a service to the nation and nearby canada by
having this list! please dont kill it, or i wont speak to you. well,
not forever, but not for a while.

stupidly yours,

stupid pete, king of stupidia

Dear Pete,
nothing is better than cyber porn!!!!! Not even candy!

the second letter is from Eric Are of Madison Square Garden:

Dear Ben,
I disagree. You are the little bit of sanity we all come home to after a
hard day in the office. How refreshing it is.

Dear Eric,
What do i look like, a cup of coffee??????? Go back to work, slacker!!!

and a special bonus third letter from listmember Dana P. of Johnson and Johnson:


wow. you truly are a bitch.


Dear Dana,
as i was telling listemember Jen H. earlier this evening, I do enjoy being a bitch. Why???? Cause who else has these wonderful puppy baring hips???? I love it!!!!!

Anyways, i was thinking about puttting a list of all the different signatures from the botttom but desided not to, as to keep you all surprised everey time. Maybe a story???? I gotta find some more or write some new ones. So i am gonna leave yall at that,. SO long and thanks for the bread. Until next time, good bye.

a big log,
Ben Garber

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