90: i touched john lennon's sperm!!!!!!!
6.9.98 9\43Nite

I kind of shook hands with Sean Lennon, a dirivative of John. I saw him twice this weekend. He opend for Sonic Youth on saturday and then played downtown at The Met on sunday. The band that opened for him waas extrordinarily bad (i've never seen a worse opening band, they must have been friends)), and someone in the audience kept yelling out "hanson!" and "new kids on the block!" and various other bands notorious for sucking. When sean kennon came on stage he started telling the guy he looked like giligan or what ever, that was all right. But sean lennon was pretty good musicly. There were a lot of beatle fans there. I feel bad for them because it really wasnt beatle music. It was much closer to Sonic Youth, though not quite. He had soome pretty catchy songs though. I was one person from the stage. Then at the end they did some rap thing, which they were pretty good at actualy, and just free styled for like 20 minutes. Then at the very end he was thanking people, particularly his influences. He thanked Stevie Wonder and David Crosby and then he seai "and i'd like to thank.." and he was trying to thinnk of someone so i yelled out "hanson!" and he said "yeah, hanson!!" and he pointed right at me and looked me in the eye. John Lennon's sperm pointed at me and looked me in th eye! Then he continued sayibng to me "Hanson cause they were awsome at the grammys. They were awsome at the grammies." He said it twice. i just said "yeah!". so that was cool.

We have another new list member: Kimberly O. A counceler at that thing i did in washington dc. Kimberly, who is the first Kimberly to join the list, was the mother or Blossom star, Mayim Bialik. As many of you may or may not know, Mayim Bialik died of a drug over dose not so long ago. Since then, Kimberly has dedicated her life to making sure that everyone every where knows who her daughter was. She started the Mayim Bialik Foundation this past november, and through public fuding, tries to get reruns of Blossom played on as many TV stations as it can, in every country. If you would like to make a donation, please let Kimberly know. Thank you.

I am gonna do letters now cause i have sometrhing big at the bottom. The first letter is from list member Luzelena W. of Pirates, Help!

haPpy BirtHday, ben!
or should i say:
Lance Carne De Vaca Y Mocos Garber-Fucksshitup

love, list member,
*luz

Dear Luzelena,
it is not my birthday.
Love,
Ben

Listmember Allison E. of Truckers, Hoorah writes:

Dear ben,
You're simply the best, better than all the rest.
Have a super birthday! you are simply the best, becasue you have had a mailing list for more than a year. if i were you, i would be more than proud. congratulations
ALLISON (allej)

Dear Allison,
Qhy do you all think its my birthday???? IT hasnt been my birthday for at least 6 months!!! And a gun rack???? Why did you get me a gun rack??? I dont even own a gun, let alone many guns that would nesesitate an entire rack! Are you mental?
Love,
Ben

I gotta send shots out to listmembers Jon S. and Pete M. for their birthdays.

Anyways, here is the mainything about this particular mailing. See, for jpournalism class, we had to write a 5 page writen article on anything we wanted. I decieded to do mine on artichokes. Well, it turned out well. I was the only one to get an A on my article, and the only one he used to demonstrate to the rest of the class what an excellent article should be. Anyways here it is and remember that it is mine.

ARTICHOKES
by ben garber

Artichokes make for intresting conversation. The gig leafy vegitables are like no other vegitable in existance. There is much more behind those delicious artichokes than meets the tung. In this report, I shall proove to you why artichokes should be your favorite vegitable, not only as food, but as conversation too.
When you go to california, you may want to go to Disneyland or attend a taping of Jeopardy, or maybe pick up some artichokes. Why? Because California is the only state in America to commercialy grow artichokes. California's 8500 acres of artichoke harvest are responsable for all of the $463 million that artichokes produce anuely. But where in California would you find all the acres of artichokes? Well, you can bet you can find 75 percent in Montery County. You can stop there for the freshest artichoke selection in the entire country. And while your there, you can pick up other fine crops too, as artichokes rank only eleventh in this area for crop value, worth over $35.8 million. Castroville California is the "artichoke capitol of the world."
You may or may not know that America's official bird is the bald eagle, or that America's official music is jazz. But did you know that America's official vegitable is the artichoke? Well, it is, and there isn't an artichoke farmer out there who will hesitate to tell you.
Now, I hope you haven't read this far without even knowing what an artichoke is. Well, if so, I will explain it to you now. The artichoke is a mediterranian perennial in the thistle group of the sun flower family. The artichokes that you eat are really just flower buds. If you allow the artichoke to keep growing, it will blossom into a beutiful violet flower. The plant can grow to be up to six feet in diameter and up to four feet high, and ends up looking kind of like a fern. The flower itself can have a diameter of about seven inches.
Artichoke fields are used in a rotating cycle. This means that a field grows artichokes for five to ten years, then they switch to a different field for a few years and let the other field rejuvinate. Artichokes are grown year round, with the harvest peaking from march through may and again in October. And harvesting the artichokes is not easy work. You ever go by a farm and see the farmers using tractors or plows or some sort of machine? Well, you won't see that at an artichoke farm, all artichokes are hand harvessed. In fact, 40 to 60 percent of the costs incorperated into the cost of an artichoke are for the labor. But all the work pays off, as most artichokes are sold fresh. Only a quarter of the artichokes are ever canned or frozen. The small market for frozen artichoke is natural, though. Artichokes hate frost. Frost can kill an artichoke, as can too much heat.
So you have an artichoke. What do you do with it now? Well, just pop it in the pressure cooker, melt some butter, and prepare for the meal of a lifetime. Pick the leaves one by one, dip each in a pool of melted butter. Stick the bottom end in your mouth, then pull it out, scraping off the taste and delicious and now-buttery flavor off with your teeth. Mmm-mm-good. Done with the leaves? Well, take a knife and cut below the hair, and behold the heart of the artichoke. Dip the artichoke heart in the butter, covering it completely. Then, nibble slowly until it is all done. Delicious! And healthy too! A 12-ounce artichoke is fat free! Fat free doesn't cut it for you? Well, artichokes are also low in sodium, are plentiful of vitiman C, potassium and folate, and are only 25 callories. How often do you find something so delcious that is also so healthy? Its no wonder that artichokes are amazing.
So as you can see, artichokes are very unique. Next time you are sitting at a table with nothing to eat, or on the phone with nothing to talk about, remember artichokes: they are healthy, delicious and intresting. So help spread the good word and tell your friends about artichokes. Have an artichoke today! Or tonite!



well thats it, good bye folks.

Love,
a man with three arms,
Ben Garber


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