84: Theme From New Amsterdam, New Amsterdam
5.18.98 12\04Morn

Good morning everybody. I know you all have herd the news buy now, but don't say i didn't warn you. I present with you an exeprt from a previous issue:

Subject: fake plastic shoes
Date: 2-13-98

>Also, another possable Death. Is frank sinatra about to die? He is 87
>and has been in and out of the hospitol for months. I think he will die
>pretty soon so be prepared. Go out and get some Sinatra before he dies.

See how psycic I am? Well, thats the 2nd time i called a death before it happond. I called Carl Perkins's death LONG a few months before he died to (note that its months, not years) and with him I even said he died all ready. I will post an exerpt at the bottom because i have more things to say before you hit that button that marked "sucks"

For staters, we have a new member: The Devil!!!! Well, suposidly, considering that she is list member 66!!! New member Allison, who has no last name, was born and raised under the sea. But most of you all ready know allison. From where?? She was an extra in the Little Mermaid. She doesnt have any lines though. Welcome, Allison, to my mailing list. Of course, though, 66 doesnt mean you should stop find new members. Let others know about my list and make them subscribe. This is going to be the biggest mailing list ever someday.

I would also like to send a shot out to listmember Jen H. for getting a lisence i guyess. Congradulations. I am starting a fund to buy Jen H. a car. Its called the Jenny Fund. Aiming for a Vaolkswagon Squareback, but not nesisarily. So if you have an extra car or some money to throw in or can maybe provide a car of somesort, let me know and give it to me and i will give it to Jen.

Well, I guess you all saw the last episode of cheers last thursday. Were you as sirprised as I was when Norm chopped off Cliff's head???? Wow!!! Who would have guessed!

This week I have a littke feature i like to call "Life Without Light Bulbs"

Life with out light bulbs would be wierd. We would be using candles.

Also, i have more to say about my continuing saga about why TV sucks. Especialy FOX. See, i watch the simpsons and king of the hill every sunday. And i like to not know anything cause its more fun that way. When ever comercials come on i go "blub blub blub" and cover my ears so its a complete sirprise. But what i hate is the way now they advirtise next week's episode durring the end credits, thats justr wrong!!! I watched this week,i'll watch next week. And worse then that, when they advirtise the show right before it comes on!!! How dumb is that. All right, i am sitting in front of the TV, turned to FOX waiting for the simpsons but i don't know if i am going to watch the simpsons. Oh wait!! Homer is running for sanitary president or something!!! hey!! Maybe i'll still watch!!!!! Wrong!!!! Thats when you ruin the show for me and i change the channel!!!! One week i had done fine, didnt expect a thing, and there was an article in the providence journal about the simpsons. About 2 paragrahs into it, it said "tonitghts episode revolves around the trash". There, they ruined it. So although i had no idea what about the trash i was suposed to expect, when ever somebody mentioned the trash i thought "this is what the whole episode is about." The element of sirprise does so much to enhance a tv show or a movie or something. I'm not ever gonna see titanic cause its all ready been ruined. I get to give props to Seinfeld for keeping the last episode of cheers a complete secret.

DON"T READ IF YOU HAVEN"T SEEN THE STAR WARSES
You know, the simpsons them selves made a good point about this, on a show that took place in 1980, and homer and marge were coming out of the movie theater and there was a long line and homer says "Wow! Who would have guessed that darth vader was luke skywalker's father!" The whole line got mad at him.

This week's first letter is from listmember Martha P. of Froggs, Logggs:

Ben -

I'm coming home from school soon (this weekend). Cna you switch my address
on your list to maplotz@aol, please?
Thanks muchly.

love, cornflake

Dear Martha,
Why don't you switch it you're self???? I can't do everything for you. You have to start doing things for you're self one of these days. Just because you have no arms or legs is no reason to complain.
Love,
Ben

The second letter is from listmember Dave M. of Tillo, Hanky:

I accidently deleted "abba" could you send that message again!!! please?
thanks
dave

Dear Martha,
Why don't you switch it you're self???? I can't do everything for you. You have to start doing things for you're self one of these days. Just because you have no arms or legs is no reason to complain.
Love,
Ben

Anyways, please send you're mail to the mailing list. You can send songs and poems and complaints and stories and death threats and questions and all in a jar!!!!! Instructions to send me mail are in that whole bottom section somehwere. If you can't find the instructions thats ok, just hit reply.

I bet something you didn't know about me is that for Journalism class, i am doing a SPECIAL REPORT, thats at least 5 pages written, on anything of my choice. So i chose my favorite fegitable: Artichokes. Where do they come from? History? What are they exactly? Anything, really. So, if yoiu know anything about artichokes, or better yet, if you've done a report on artichokes all ready, send it a long to me please.

Anyways, I guess thats it for now. Send those letters in and get more new members. Anyways, until next time, good night.

Love,
the only mysterious wuzzle,
Ben Garber


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