82: Bjork Sucks
5.10.98 1\51Nite

So we drive all the way up to Worcester (pronounced Wooster, rhyming with "pushed her") to see that bitch Bjork to find she is sick and has canceled the show. She will be plaing NEXT sturday insted. I can't complain cause i can go next week, but there were people that had come all the way from Long Island. So that sucks. This is the 2nd time in a row that Bjork was supposed to play in Worcester and cancelled. She was suppoosed to open for radio head before but she cancelled that and so a band called Spirtulised opened insted. That was a bad show. Anyways....

You know, there is a practice going on TV that should be illeagle. As you know, the only stations i get in my basement, with out an antenna, are Fox (64), CBS (12) and NBC (Though it is channel 10, i only get it on 9 and 11). Everey weekend that i turn on the TV on the afternoon, something bad happens. First I put it on 10. Basket ball. So I switch to 12. Golf. Then to 64, Hockey. A little bit bit later, 10 has golf, 12 has tennis, 64 still has hocky. You see what I'm saying? Every station is sports, and i dont like sports. You know what would be great? If indtrf of competeing, the networks co operated. They all have sit coms at the same time, the all have the news at the same time, they all have talk shows at the same time, they all have soap operas at the same time.... I think it woiuld be much better if just one station had a soap opera at a time, then i change the channel to watch a sit com and then change the channel again and there is a talk show. Both channel 12 and 10 have news from 5 till 6.30, non stop, at the same time. Then at 6.30, they both carry network news. But they are exactly the same in the sense that you get the same information pretty much. They both have the same headlines. Wouldnt it make much more sense if just one station carried 2 hours of news OR they each split up the hour and 12 had news for an hour, then 10 had news for an hour for people who couldnt watch it on 12. And while 10 has the news, 12 might show some old reruns of Taxi or something. It only makes sense! Why doesnt TV make sense. See, TV's problem is that they assume that because its 1 in the afternoon, i only want to watch soap operas. They are so wrong. If any of you know or are related to any TV executives, please make them aware of this.

the first letter is from listmember Sam R. of Ren, NWA

Dear Ben,
I think you ought to mail those teacher comments back to your teachers when they're
on their deathbeds. Seriously. My mom told me some story about this woman whose
teachers (Catholic nuns - it was one of those wonderful Catholic high schools) treated
her like shit, you know, beating her and telling her she was stupid and would never
amount to anything, etc., and the woman went on to get something like 7 Ph.D.s, and
every time she got another Ph.D., she would make copies of the certificate and mail
it to her bitch nun teachers. I think you need to do some form of obnoxious revenge
like that. Anyway. I don't have anything else intelligent to say. The crank needs
screwing again. Um, wait --- I meant to say "winding". Or perhaps I meant injecting.
No matter.
---
++ Sam ++

Dear Sam,
I like your ideas. Or rather, your mother's. I intend to send my teachers their deathbeds. I dunno. Tell me more about your crank that needs screwing.
Love,
Ben

the second letter is from listmember Laura S. of Ben, Garber writes:

Dear Ben,
that was a very daring letter Benjamin. It was a little risque for my taste. I hope in the future you will tone them down to be slightly less offensive. Thanks for your consideration.

Laura

Dear Laura,
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Love,
Ben

EVERYBODY:
PLEASE GET NEW MEMBERS AND WRITE NEW LETTERS

Something you didnt know about me: Though I have been raised a Jew, I have declared my officiol religion as Agnostic. Now that doesnt mean trying to sell me on anything, cause you cant, thats why I am agnostic. All these different religions trying to sell me on their faith raises my questions regarding how much truth is in the religion. In actuality, it is impossable for you to tell me your religion is more truthful than any one else's. Don't try pointing out texts or historical things, but cause every religion has those. But, I do not deny the possabliaty that maybe you're religion is correct. There is only one religion i have found so far that i can't stand, because it changes so frequently and i just hate it. But since there are SEVERAL members of that religion that ends with the letters "ism", i won't knock it publicly here at the risk of hevily offending listmembers. But if you wish to know what it is, if you don't know all ready, i am quite ready to debate my problems with it. I dont have a problem with the people who follow the religion though, i just dont like the religion itself. But hence, I am agnostic, because i have no reason to follow one religion over another.

Anyways, this list was kind of short, but i sent one out yesterday. Go see the Moses Brown play this thursday friday or saturday.

Anyways, till next week, have a nice day.

Love,
you're convector of ching ching ching,
Ben Garber


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