76: Cranston Sucks
Well, at least the Newport Creamery there does. I went there a year or so a go to eat and dint like the service. But today i went again to get an Awful Awful and found myself distressed. You know when you get to the bottom of an Awful Awful and then you have to drink it from the cup insted of the straw cause its too unstrawable???? Well, that was pretty much the whole thing. And they also gave me a funny straw. Though I applaud the fact that it was a bendy straw, as we get straight straws at my local angel street branch, but the texture of the straws felt funny and uncomftrable against my teeth. And the guy at the counter was that nerd from the simposons. You know, that guy who works at the grocery store and the toll booths and stuff like that and he had a funny voice? That was him. Anyways, i wasnt pleased. You know the worst thing about that creamery, though, is that you have to wait to be seated. I like the good old self service station they have here on angel street. Or there on angel street. But the garden city one sucks.
I have herd a very sad sad rumor. You all know that one of my favorite bands of all time is the Milli Vanillis. And I am sad to announce that half of them have died. I am not sure which one it was, but it was of a drug overdose. My condolences to his family. But, fortunately, I have some good news as well. And i mean EXTRORDINAARILY good news. You all know that my biggest enemy in the world is Dave Navarou, as he ruined the chili peppers, and caused them to release there only truely bad album as well as forcing them to go alt. Well, I am proud to announce that Dave Navarrou has joined the chili pepper's long list of ex-guitarists. The reason he left was reportadly creative differences. Could this mean the return of the funk???? Lets hope so. My worst fear is that the chilis will just not do any more at all, but i hope they get a better guitarist. If my luck has it, maybe John Frucante will come back? He left in 92 due to stress related reasons, but we will. see. Thats doubtful but thats my hope. Let me know if you hear anything. I think it would be kind of cool if the next guitarist was Puff Daddy. Well, not cool but funny. Funny will do.
I am seeing radiohead on wednesday. But in the mean time, I have a letter from Laura S. of Grechin, North:
I think you should wear red nailpolish, it'd go better with your eyes.
My eyes are blue. My nails tend to be blue. My sunglasses are reddish orrange but i cant find them so they are silver. But the frames are blue, and my nails remain blue. How do you do? Hows montley crüe? Need something to chew? Try hot rubbered glew.
I am on my way to Broadway, and everyone has to come see me. But on the
way to Broadway I'm gracing the stage of Moses Brown School. So everyone
must come either May 14th, 15th, or 16th.
The Yankee Doodle Kid,
George Michael Cohan
Will this be as thumbs up as mudduh courage? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Wow, that play sucked. Anyways break a leg.
After last week's joke call back, i recieved 2 letters. One from list member Jen B. claiming that I stole the word "shiznit" from her, as well as Marrow R's claim that I stole the name "Ben." To set things clear, I did not steal the word "shiznit" from Jen B, but rather I stole it from Dr. Dre, the same person Jen B. stole it from, but some how became convinced that she came up with the word. Now, though I do give Marrow credit for the name Ben, i do have to say I didn't steal it. My parents stole it, and befell it onto me. You know very well that I have ben trying for years to change my name to Carne De Vaca.
Another fun ben garber fact you probably didn't know is that i was born at Women and Infants hospitol, right here in providence. Bet ya didn't know that, now did you?
I would like to close off this mailing with some shots. I'd like to send a shot out to List member Emmanuel S. for getting into Cornel University, Lauren S. who will be 16 on wednesday, David Letterman who turned 51 on sunday, and to me for having 2 weeks vacation. Thats right, I'm on vacation again, for 2 more weeks.
Ok, well good night.
your plush eskimo,
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