72: Return From The Depths Of Washington D.C.
3.29.98 4\24Nite

Hey everyone. I am back and I have returned. Whats up?

Last saturday, just hours before leaving to washington, list member Marrow R. went with me to the newport creamery. I forget most of that, but I asked the waitress if I could everything they had for free. The following is what she brought me:

3 dinner rolls
plastic salad container of ice burg lettuce
small cup of jimmies
small cup of colored sprinkles
small cup of butter
2 grape jellies
2 strawberry jellies
2 orange marmalades
25 pickles in a chinese restaurant box
3 mustards
6 ketchups
2 knives

Then we went with listmember Matt R. to see spice world. It didn't make a lot of sense but that didn't matter because it was the spice girls and everything they do is a-ok. The music was fantastic. It also featured appearences by Meatloaf, George Wendt, Elvis Costello and Elton John. I recomend it like a rubber glove.

Then off to washington....

Well, I was dissapointed to quickly learn some unpleasant rules. No boys in girls room or girls in boys rooms UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES or they would send you home, you had to be in the hotel by 7, and in your room by 11. And you couldn't go to sleep before 11 because everynight, they would have a room check some time after 11, and if you fell asleep before then, they would wake you up. If you didn't answer the door they would keep pounding on the door until you woke up or they would yell at you. They were total assholes when it came to rules. Also, my shower's tempature wouldn't stay stedy, and there was often no hot water.

On the other hand, the program itself wasn't that bad. Fun things happond. Once we were at a seminar and i was falling asleep and [pissed off cause i couldn't sleep, had a cold shower and had no time to myself and i wasn't paying much attention but was trying to. Anyways, for some reason, the speaker, who was talking about forign affairs and policy, and wasnt that good at it, asked "how come we don't live on the stars?" I promptly raised my hand and said "Well, they're working on that. We're getting there." Then I realised that he had never asked that question, i have no idea why I thought he asked why we don't live on the stars, but oh well. I desided to shut up.

The israli embasy was probably the best thing we did. The embasader was good, he didn't tip toe around any questions and answered honestly. I asked him when Israli relations are currently like with Germany. Aperently they aren't bad, and germany actualy gives a lot of money to Isreal. Its hard to forgive for the holocaust, but they have moved on.

Friday, I went to GWU to visit listmember Dave "Cammel Cock" M. and meet some of his friends and hand out "fuck work" stickers. That was fun.

Friday night, there was a banquet, a dance and a talent show. I entered our school into the tallent show to sing the song Rock And Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter. But when they called us up, everyone from my school who was there (there were 5, including my self and our teacher) declined, so i just went up and sang Surfin' USA. I wasn't watching, but my teacher said that I was the only person (or group) to perform at that talent show to get a standing ovation. I didn't notice because I have a way of not looking at the audience. I definatly got enough cheers. A friend of mine who had a video camera and taped it said she would send me a tape, so we'll see how that goes. If i get it, I will be willing to send out more copies to some of you, and possably even post it as a quicktime movie online. We will see.
anyways I am home. Here are some letters.

First letter is from Pete M. of Happajappa, Cappalappa:

come on. you have to admit, smock is fun to say. and phlegm (flem) and
prosthetic penis, and fuggedaboutit. and dont forget ... go to hell!
(remember that? julie?)
what the hell are you doing in washington? i really hope you are
meeting with the president to submit our preposal, to ban dogs from tv.
we should have an on-line petition sheet.

pete

ps: rehab is for quitters!!!

Dear Pete,
Good news!!! I showed are petition about getting all dogs banned from TV (except cartoon dogs)!!!!! He liked it and he signed it!!!!! Now, we just have to convince the FCC, as it is not Al Gore who controls that. Sorry.
Love,
Ben

The 2nd letter is from listmember Paul F. of Tucan, Sam:

hey, its me, new member #1. well, im pretty sure i met you through nate davis. i was at the the might be giants show ( this most recent one at lupos) and i might have seen you at other concerts. names Paul F.

Dear Paul,
Hi Paul. I would like to invite you to see grease with me. Want to? Give me a call at 421-4003.
Love,
Ben

WAnt to know something about me you probably didn't know? when I was about 4 years old, I was comming home from a music lesson, with my baby sitter and her friend, when a dog ran out of some body's yard and kocked me down and scrached my nose. That made me cry. But deeper than that was a scar which has made me feel rather uncomftrable around dogs ever since. I wouldnt call it a fear of dogs, just a discomfort. A very discomfort. Hence, my petition to ban dogs from TV.

Anyways, thats it until pigs fly. So thank you for stopping by. If its too hot, take off you're shirt.

Love,
your favorite balloon animal of all time,
Ben Garber


Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
---------------------------------------------
comercial use or mass emails using the names and/or email addresses of subscribers to this mailing list is strictly forbidden
---------------------------------------------
©1998 Lance Romañce All Rights Reserved
this mailing is anti-dave mathews
email: tendonitus@giantrats.com
website: http://www.giantrats.com