71: Mr Ben Goes To Washington
3.19.98 10\02Nite

Hey everybody. Its you know who writing from you know where. And its time for you know what. Unfortunately, you don't know when or how. anyhow.

I am proud to announce that this issue is going to welcome not one, not two, not four but three new members!!!! Woo-hoo!!!! extitement yippers through my head as I pronounce Somebody, Luis P. and Luzelena W. to the magical world of email. The first person to join, I have no idea who it is or any name or anything, so if you would like to identify yourself, please feel free to be you and me (you're right. I'm a boy :-( (how many of you remember that record?????). Secondly, the next list member is Luis P, some one who I can't say strikes me as a familier face. Luis, welcome to my list, thank you for joining. And the third but not least, or at least as far as I know, is new listmember Luzelena W. Another name of mystery, but claims to have met me at a They Might Be Giants Concert, most likely the one this past fall at Lupos. Welcome aboard, me matee.

Speaking of Lupo's, last night there was a show there featuring the Bomboras, The Amazing Royal Crowns and The Cramps. Me and list member Marrow R. desided to go yesterday. We met on wickiden st and were were looking around, when we went into an antique shop only to find Lux Interier and Poison Ivy (these are the 2 main members of The Cramps). They were just kind of looking around. We talked to them for a few seconds, then headed up to thayer st. I wanted to find some Blue Suade Shoes so we went to Foriegn Affair and asked but they had none. SO i asked for leopard skin pants and they had none. And the lady who worked there, we just stayedthere for a while and chilled with her cause she was cool, but it was funny. Then we went to see Robert Zinn speak at brown and fought about the value of the first amendment, the ACLU, and weather or not Nazis should be aloud to speak with socialists. Then off to Lupos.

Before the show I noticed the lead singer of the Royal Crowns, who I all ready knew cause he works at In Your Ear, and shook his hand, then went to the concessions table and hung out with the people who worked there cause they were cool. Then the Bomboras came on, none of us had herd of them but we were blown away. The best band of the evening, they were. They are a surf/punk/rockabilly band that are really really good, and do mainly instrumental music, and when they have lyrics no one noticed. I got to meet the keyboardist afterwords, as he was walking off the stage. It was cool that I got to meet people from all 3 bands now, and by now Lupos, a good sized club, was packed. The Amazing Royal Crowns were up next and they were really good except for two things: The bass and the guitar were too low. All I could here were the lead singer and the drummer. You could hear the guitar and bass, but not enough, cause they were significantly quieter than the other 2. Then the cramps. They were pretty good, but actualy the worst band of the evening, until the encore, when they covered Surfin' Bird by the Trashmen. Lux was jumpin all over the bassist and the drumset and breaking microphones and it was pretty cool.

Today Marrow came to school with me, where I had a field trip to the buisness expo downtown which was actualy fun cause we just complained at every booth and just had fun with another wise rather boaring show.

Do you really care what I've been up? Do you care about the evening I had? I didn't think you would but Marrow said you do. Voice your oppinion, tell me what you think. If you dont really care I'll stop. If you still want to know whats up with me I won't stop. Get it in the shop.

Blah. I am trying to think of a special feature this issue biut havent thought of one yet. I will do letters no insted.

the first letter is from Mike B. of Orgranoshki, Russia:

Dear Ben,
You totally kick major amounts of ass. I just got your letter about
Jughead. I have been an Archie comics fan for my whole life. If this is
on the mailing list, everyone write me, my address is
spdrcr5@hotmail.com. Ben, where do you come up with your totally
creative ideas? I think you are a genius in the world of literature. You
should put all of your letters into a book. I would buy it. On your list
of cool things to say, Ariela Lev told me it should have "cum-guzzla".
Talk to you later.

Mike Baker

Dear Mike,
Cum guzla, though you and other people may enjoy saying it, I don't enjoy hearing it. And, at that, please keep your filthy mouth away from the bubla. Secondly, the answer is no. Thirdly, nothing else.
Love,
Ben

the second letter is from listmember Lauren S. of Pula, Nwoooochanto:

what about schmegma? isnt that fun to say too???

- Louise

Dear Laura,
when asking questions of this nature, just remember that we live in the greatest country in the world. If you remember that, I think you will find youire answer is actually sitting right in front of your god damned fucking face.
Love,
Ben

This is the last list for a little while, as I will be going to Washington early Sunday moarning and I just don't currently possess the ideas to pump out another list. One of the things I plan to do next week, as I am away all week, is come up with some new ideas, because this mailing list just isn't feeling as fresh. But i dunno. I find the best lists I write tend to coinside with days I have to just rest and think. Ya know? I hope for some of that time soon. But intell then shtiggy wiggy liggy.

Thats another thing is i have to fly back and fourth from washington. I really dont like flying, so I am bummed about that. See, they say flying is the safest way to travel, but you know if there is an accident, the consequenses are much more likely to be worse. Its a lot like nuclear power. They say nuclear power is much safer, cleaner, efficient and all that, but when there is an accident, the consequenses are much more likely to be worse. you know what I'm sayin? And theres also the theory the just the fact that I'm on the plain automaticly jynxes the plain. SO oh well. We'll see, but watch your news for me. Thats all I ask. What if this was the last list?

this weeks special feature can be matching up letters and numbers on the phone. SO here for you is a guide to the letters on your phone dial. I recomend writing this down and keeping a copy next to your phone for easy reference.

1 -
2 - A, B, C
3 - D, E, F
4 - G, H, I
5 - J, K, L
6 - M, N, O
7 - P, Q, R, S
8 - T, U, V
9 - W, X, Y, Z
* - T, O, N, E
0 - O, P, E, R
# -

well, thats it for now. So good night for a while. SO long and have a nice .

Love,
a man with a gull blatter,
Ben Garber


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