70: The Adventures of Dead People
3.15.98 11\11Nite

once again its on!!!!!!!!

Well, every body. I'm back. I hooked up with list member Marrow R. on friday after school hoping to get to a Lynchpin show on cape cod but never made it. So we went to montanas and hurassed the waiter then just wondered around then went to ben and jerries and made them open the piano and then refused to play, but ended up playing Imagine. Then we found andre and christian, and we were talking a bit, until a group of three from Barington Bible College came and asked us to let Jesus into our hearts so we can go to hevean. We got in a big argument with them, that was lots of fun.

Marrow stayed over and the next day we went to the salvation army, a record store, montanas, got free puppie dogs (fake) at college hill book store, went to montanas and requested the waiter we had the day before, who was off duty but then he left, then we hurassed our new waitress, then we met some pro public urination girls from RISD and went home. Marrow stayed over again. Today we tried to find a ride to so record stores and were unsuccesful. So we went to wings to go but were forced into newport creamery by sheerston and some other girl Sarah and we got a waitress to like us, then went to thayer and looked around Angel St. Curiosities, where i bought about 50 records!!! (cheap cheap) While looking at records, I herd a voice calling "vagina". I was confused. Then i found it was list member Dave N, marrow went home, so I chilled with Dave and Lars and Jen and Joe for a little then went home and thats my weekend.

And now a special feature: WORDS THAT ARE FUN TO SAY!!!!

fuck
shit
cock
tits
saudamise
necrofriliac
beastiality
voyerism
bondage
testicles
balls
splooge
clitoria
gynal-erection
elephant
anus
uranus
cream
eggs
chocolate
cranberry sauce
sauce
cheese
meat balls
brests
panties
panty hose
whip lash
yeast
dogma
sticky
wet
urinary
meningitus
incestuous
sucks
nipple
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
kcuf
fuck
cukf
kufc
fcku
fuck
fuck
larengiitus
gromael
nudie
pontoon
roger rabit
fuck
fuck
tuesday
fuddy duddy
dag nabbit
fuck
fuck face
tooth paste


the band Lynchpin, which features list member Dave N, is going on tour again this summer, and Dave invited me to chill on the tour. We might even play some Big Baloons songs!!!! (Big Baloons is a band made of me and Dave and some other kid from cleavland and we only sing songs about sex and sex related things. Its all in good fun). Anyways, i will post tour dates later so you can all see Lynchpin!!!!! That would be el fab. Ok see ya later. Bye bye.

Letters:

Listmemeber Tom C. of Concord, Aiooooga writes:

Ben,
A deep question has been haunting me since the dawning of last night, and your wisdom is my last resort to having it answered.
Who do you think would win in a fight? Barbra Striesan or Andy Williams?
-tom

Dear Tom,
That question is not very deeper. Please find a deeper one and return.
Love,
Ben

list member Jen B. of Holy, Grail writes:

Dear Ben,
I think Regina B. (my twin) is now out of the family for admitting she likes Hanson to the public....sorry Regene, it's over.
Your former sister,
Jen

Dear Jen,
First off, I am not your sister. @ndly, please don't be down on my boys. Me and Marrow were talking the other day about how it would be cool to get Hanson's parents to come and do a speech on bike saftey or something. I dunno, this is the worst mailing list ever.
Love,
Ben

I'd like to send a shot out to list member Matt R. Sorry for dissing you at all, matt. And happy 17th birthday. I'd also like to send a shot out to me cause friday, march 13th, was the 5th aniversery of my Bar Mitzvah.

More list members, please.

Album recomendation is um, i dunno. Hanson. Go get a hanson record.

Here is another one of those profiles you people keep sending me. I think you are trying to take over muy list. Thanks. Here goes:

Hello Ben! i'd just like to enter my profile... if you wish, you may
modify anything, but i find that all information is sufficient. I used
the questions of other list members. Please distribute soon.


1) What's your full name? What School?
Julie Ahn .. I go to Classical
2) If you could punish one person right now, who would it be, and what
would their punishment be?
i would like to torture a kid who lives in Warwick and gives me
shit about everything. and then expects me to respect him.. my
punishment would be to send him to the bottom-less pit of
hell and make him eat his own attitude until he screams and
wishes he were dead.. and then after that bring him back to this
world and make him pick up where he left off. only this time.. no
one can know who he is and he feels real bad about treating ME
bad. yup. that's what i'd like to do.. but generally,
I'm not THAT mean..
3) If you could give a child approaching their teen years one piece of
advice, what would it be?
live free. be happy with yourself
4) When was the last time you cried?
Normally i don't cry, and i haven't cried in a LONG time...but i
do cry when i feel tense.. usually ends up being about really
stupid stuff.
5) What's your favorite season? most disliked season?
Spring. because my birthday is in spring. I hate late Autumn. I
mean think about it. does nothing but make everything feel dead,
all the leaves fall, and it gets hella cold too fast.

6) Would you rather be alone for the rest of your life, or with the
person you like least?
Probably the person i like the least, because then you're aren't
SO lonely and the way I figure it.. if you are with that person..
then you'd eventually get along .. since there aren't any other
things around to make them angry or be able to hurt you..
On the other hand, i'd kind of rather be alone. For the simple
purpose that you can die in peace and write poems about
how life could have been.. but i wouldn't know the exact answer
until I've experienced it myself.. plus i hope it never
has to
happen..
7) If you found out you only had 2 hours to live, what would be the
first and last things you would do?
I would first have as much fun i could.. and lastly, try to keep
myself alive.. miracles do happen
8) What's the best gift you've ever gotten?
the ability to love others and interests
9) What's your favorite movie?
Well that depends on the category. Drama {the Piano}, Comedy {
Liar Liar and Tommy Boy, and Monty Python the Holy Grail
(spelling?), and Disney {Hercules}
10) What would you name your first child if it were a boy? and girl?
Seth and Azerbaijan* (*inside thing)
11) What has been the most difficult experience in your life?
getting rejected
12) What's your favorite childhood memory?
kicking ass
13) What song always makes you cry?
ones about heartbreak and shit like that
14) What song always makes you laugh?
There's this '80s song that is really great. Unfortunately, i
don't remember the name of it.
15) Do you love anyone...do they know?
i love everyone.. but i love in different ways.. and that
"Significant Other" is a private matter.. in other
words.. they probably don't know. but who knows.. word
gets around FAST.
16) What music do you listen to?
everything, I'm most favorable to altern and heavy sounds... if i
had no choice but to listen to rap or R&B, i'd pick rap.. R&B
makes me sleep. I definately love Techno sounds.. but most
recently, music from the 1920's and '30s (great for relaxing)
17. My favorite number is: 3
18. My favorite shape is: heart
19. My favorite book is: Little Monsters. by Jan Pienkowski. it's a
little kids book, i grew up with it.
20. My favorite song is: "Rapture" by Blondie
21. My favorite Beatle is: George. no one likes George or at least the
people I know don't think of him as their favorite Beatle
23. My favorite animal is: Tiger.. they are so graceful and powerful
24. My favorite word is: i'm gonna go with something simple and not mind
boggling... fuck
25. My favorite show is: Simpsons and the late.. cartoons of Oddities
(on
MTV)
26. My favorite cartoon character: My friend, Shaun O'Neil, created an
animate that resembles the appearance of a devil. he sports the
adidas wear (shoes, shirt and jogging pants, also the "usual
devil pitch-fork" he carries has the adidas logo. [three strips
on
the side and says"the brand with the three strips"])
27.. Other things that i really don't think any of you care about:
-Beelzebub- a demon that tortures people to hear them scream.
-Succubus- a female demon that has sex with men.
-Incubus- a male demon that has sex with women.
-Vampires are real.. they live in our society, although we may
not know it. I'm not crazy..
-oh and.. Life is but an Utterance of Shit.
-Have a Nice day!!

HOMER SAYS: "Mmmmmmm....Attitude"

Anyways, good night i'm getting to go now. Bye bye.


Love,
your clintonesque figurine maker,
Ben Garber


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