65: Ben Garber Died!!!!!!!
2.28.98 9\16Nite

Now thjat I've got your attention, lets talk about sex.

Well, no lets not. I'd much rather introduce new member 59: Julie. Welcome, Julie. I hope your stay is presnt. Um, welcome again.

So whats up, everybody??? How've yall been? I kind of wanted to talk to you today about movies. What about them? Well, Its about how every movie i see a comercial for or a preview for a movie these days, it always sucks. All these show case movies just arent worth 7 bucks. The problem with holly wood today is that every movie is exactly the same. In fact, if you name me a movie and give me a little plot back round, I can tell you exactly how it ends with out even seeing it. Hollywood has run out of new ideas. And so when ever it comes out with a hit movie, it always has to make some really bad sequal to it. But the problem in sequals is that they are just the EXACT same movie all over again. Sure, things change a bit, but not much. Jurrassic Park, The Fugative, Scream.... all good examples. There is no art in the movies anymore. Hollywood came up with a formula that worked for a while, but they don't realise that it won't work for ever. This Is precisly why the indie. movie market has grown. Indipendent movies are filled with origionality, because there is so much more room. Holly wood doesn't like to take risks with things that are "different". Thats what the indie movies are about. I could nerver in a million years predicted the ending of, say, the ice storm. But lets use examples that you probably know. Quinton terentino is essential an indie film maker, who made such a popular film that his next film was accepted onto the big market, so you will now have herd of it. He has three major movies: Resavoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown. Now when your sitting there trying to figure out whats going to happen next, it is impossable to guess. Its like real life. Quinton has a tendency to side with the bad guys. So its like, tthe bad guys nevere win, but your on the bad guys side so they have to win. It leaves you confused and unexpecting, which is due to oriionaility. And thats where the indie market is thriving, and why more and more people are choosing movies like The Full Monty over movies like Anaconda. The thing about the indie market is that there are no ads on TV or anything, you just kind of have to go and judge foryourself, and its good that way. I like it. You like it. ok anyways. I still have not gotten a good mailing together.

You know there is one band that I love, but I am actualy embaressed about it. They are an excelent band, though a rarely lissen to there stuff, because it is no match to seeing them live. Their live shows leave you wanting more and more and more. But they are a sceen that I am embaressed about. If you havent figured it out, its Phish. Phish is really really popular, they are imensly trendy, but at the same time no body knows their music. They never release any singles, or rarely, but people follow them all over the country to see as many shows they possablyy can. Why? Well, phish sounds kind of like a high school jazz band, only a LOT LOT better, much more tallented, much fuller music, and much more just UNG!!! Every night, its a different set, a different style. Its like a new album every night. You can see them everyday for a week, and chances are there will only be 4 or 5 songs that you see more than once. Some nights its really funky, or jazzy. SOme nights they just cover Frank Zappa or do an entire Talking Heads album. Every show is different than all others. I've seen them play shows and i left saying "that sucked." Then I go the next night and they are mind blowing. I saw them once, and the played one song on trampalines, then they did an acapella jam, then they told a story about a cat and a dog who got into a fight and they got in such a big fight they started a whirl wind which spun around and drilled a hole to hell, and they got sucked down to hell. And thats where they herd the sund of rotting flesh, the sound hell:

"some day you will find me..."

and the sound of hell was Champaign Supernova!!!!

That was fantastic. Then the father of the kid whos cat it was had to tell the kid that his cat died, sothey had a song about that. And the kid was sad so his dad said he would buy him a gold fish to make up for it. But the kid didnt want that.

Why do I bring this up? Phish are going to be right here in providence the first weekend of april for 2 nights of a 3 night tour. The only other show on this tour is somewhere in new york. I went today to gget tickets for both nights, and i got damn good floor seats for both. I also got tickets for a couple of list members and non listmembers as well. I am excited. And it doesnt matter how trendy they are, but damn it they are damn damn damn good.

The first letter tonight is from list member Corey I dunno of James, Bond:

Just went you your website. Simple yet effective.
At any rate, I would like to make an announcement. I am no longer an elephant, but a clown. I would also like to thank the academy for this award::waves a toilet plunger wildly::

Dear Corey,
I am just curious if this means that there is an elephant position open? I am very intrested in doing that. Let me know please.

Listmember Martha P. of Chinka, Chooty answers a question I had a few weeks ago about the meaning of the word Competent:

Dear Ben -

Competent means "1. Having suitable of sufficient skill, knowledge,
experience, etc., for some purpose. 2. adequate but not exceptional." As
used in a sentence: Your answers to Connie's test questions were
occasionally entertaining, sometimes competent, and often offensive.

Hershey's kisses are called kisses because the machine that pours the
melted chocolate looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

Happy V-Day!

love, cornflake

Dear Fuck Face,
This letter bothers me quite a bit. Why the fuck did you call me offensive? Now lissen here, you gay jewish whore!! I AM NOT OFFENSIVE!!!!!!*

I would like to apolagise for list member Marrow R. who was trying to sell a decoder. As i thought I outlined quite carefully before, please do not send mass mail to the list. Marrow, a beastly boy, has broken the rule. If you see morrow, tell him "shame on you." and don't hesitate to curse at him. I didnt give him permission.

This week's album recomendation is Bjork's Debut. A fantastical conglameration of trchno, a little dance, a little blues, a little rock, a little jazz, a little house and a hella lot of just plain old obscurity makes this album is what i consider to be among the most origional albums of the mid 90s.(1994-1996). And among the most origional of the decade. This is electronica before it was what it is. It is alt.electronica, as this 1994 album was released in 1993, before electronica was what it is. Its just a fun album and damn fantatstic and i dunno, get it your damn self. This album sports the hit Human Behavior as well as my first love, Come To Me.

*just kidding about that up there response i wrote. It just seemed to oxy moronify the statement, which i like to do. So there is my public apolagy.

Anyways, time to go away. Goodnight, my boney hamburg babies.

your solid food eating moderator,
Ben Garber

Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
comercial use or mass emails using the names and/or email addresses of subscribers to this mailing list is strictly forbidden
©1998 Lance Romañce All Rights Reserved
this mailing is anti-dave mathews
email: tendonitus@giantrats.com
website: http://www.giantrats.com