59 Febuary Made Me Shiver
2.8.98 5\03Nite

With every paper I'd deliver. This issue is dedicated to Buddy Holley
and Richie Vallens, who died on febuary 3rd a couple years ago (1959) in
a small plane crash. he was the mac daddy of your uncanned heat. And
the first verse of that song Bye Bye Miss American Pie Drove My Chevy To
The Levy But The Levy Was Dry And Them Good Old Boys Drinking Whiskey And
Rye Singing This'll be The Day That I Die This'll Be The Day That I Die
was writen about buddy holley. It goes A long long time ago, I can still
remember how the music used to make me smile. And i knew if i had my
chance that i could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for
a while. But febuary made me shiver. with every paper i'd deliver. Bad
news on the door step. i couldn't take one more step. I can't remember
if i cried when oi read about his widowed bride. Something touched me
deep inside the day the music died. That verse was written spicificly
for buddy holley like 15 or 20 years later or so by don mclean. But who
cares about him. Richie vallens was a great, but buddy holley was da
bomb!!!!!! I am in love with him. (can you guess what who sings this
week's album recomendation?????).

So what the fuck is up with the mutha fucka named Me? Well, let me see.

Remember how I went to the winter ball at Classical last saturday? Well,
this saturday I went to the one at Moses Brown. List member Sylvia S.
was kind enough escort me (thank you sylvia. If you see sylvia thank
her). I went with a large group, maybe 6 or so of whom are list members.
So what the hell does that mean?? Not much. But the DJ sucked. See,
last week, the DJs at the classical dance would ONLY play dance music.
And I mean like hip hop. So no Love Shack, no Hotel California, no Under
The Bridge, no Zep, it was the first DJ i met that didnt play YMCA once.
It was crazy, but you know thats what a lot of the people their liked,
and it was danceable which was important. And the DJs were nice guys.
And on top of that, they were VINAL ONLY!!! That pleased me.

LAst nights shindig had the worst DJ I ever had. They did play Love
Shack, they played Stairway to heaven, they played Super Freak, they
played Le Freak, the played Rock ARound The Clock. Those are important
songs!!!! They are fun to dance to, well, Stair way aint much of a dance
tune, but he had the good songs in there. So why was he horrable???
Here is a list why he was a crappy DJ.
1. He was CD only.
2. EVERY SONG SKIPPED!!!!! The classical DJs only used RECORDS,
3. He had really bad cross sections. You could tell that some of
the mixes were taken from pre mixed DJ part mixes, but when he crossed
between songs, he would start the next song like 30 seconds before the
end of the previous one. They would usualy have very different tempos
and would have a horrable mixed up off time beat: 2 beats going at once.
This and constant skipping made it hard to dance to.
4. Horrable song order choices. Examples: He played Super Freak
by Rick James. He then played MC Hammer's U Can't Touch This. Damn it,
don't waste our time with the same song twice. And MC Hammer really
sucks, it sounds EVEN WORSE after hereing ye grand ole origional.
Another example is when he played The beatles version of Twist And Shout.
Hey, since we are all ready doing the twist, let's play Chubby Checker's
The Twist. WRONMG!!!!! They are VERY different songs, you need a better
in between. He spent too much time matching up songs by title, rather
than sound. Result: bad mix.
5. He was an asshole. HE wouldn't let look through the 40 thousend
scrached CDs he brought, of which he maybe used 12. You could write what
you wanted to here on a request form and hope he had it. But if you
looked through the CDs, he would threaten to kick you out of the dance.
Ya, fuck you too, maistro! I give that DJ no props at all. I hope the
moses brown students on this mailing list will take this up with the
dance comittee, i demand a better DJ for the prom!!! I give you
permission to print this letter out and show it to the dance comittee or
what ever the fuck you have, but only for that purpose, and for that
purpose only. That and to get more list members. And they have to agree
to the terms at the bottom.

i have a good DJ in mind. The guy who did my bar mitzvah!!! Luke Junier,
son of the guy who owns Luke's Record Exchange in Pawtucket. I will help
you out. Hes cool and hell play what you want and hes a nice guy too.

But I had fun anyways.

That night we all went yto non list member Sheerstons house and slept
over. There were 12 of us. Thers this one kid named Richard who I call
Marrow who i think is great, and me and him stayed up till like 4 or 5
just laughing hard, and kept every one else up to which pissed everyone
off. We only got 3 hours of sleep and i have been drinking like gallons
and gallons of coke today to stay awake. But anyways, i think every one
there was really pissed at us, particularly me for keeping everyone up so
late so I am sorry. I will make it up to you as soon as i can. I felt
bad about that. Like this mourning i felt like no one there, with the
exception of maybe list member Matt and non member Marrow and possable
list member Carl and non member evet were kind of pissed off at me. I
got that sence last night too, but i dunno, i was over hyper, so I'm
sorry about that. I will be better next time. I was good last time i
think!!!!! Any ways letters.

First is from Carl S. of Caploinaloin, Kansas:

Dear Ben,
i am sorry for not calling you. i love you and will make it up to you by
fluffing your nuts if neccesary. peas are good for you.

Dear Carl,
You know that know soda Splurge or Splooge or Sergio or what ver its
called?? It is clear and in a green bottle/can and they are ALWAYS
giving it out free? You know what I mean. When I first tried it, i
said "Hey!!! OK Soda is back!!!!!!" Cause I thought it tasted just like
OK Soda. The 2nd time I had it I didnt agree, but liked it alot anyways.
The third time i got it was wednesday mourning, i drank half the bottle,
till a kid pointed out that the key ingredient is orenge juice. After
that i couldn't drink anymore, cause all i could taste was the orange
juice. I hate orange juice. I didn't notice it at first, but then that
was all i noticed. I haven't drinken any more since, i never finnished
that bottle. You are forgive, chizzle nuts.

The 2nd letter is from Eric L. of Shapesboard, NNNNNN

Dear Ben
Congratulations. hat happened to me my last of French. Once I passed
the French Language AP, I decided I didn't need to take any more
French.(Especially since Berklee already gave me two semesters worth of
credit for it, which is all they offer of French.) I actually liked
math. But I guess that's because I took two years of Calculus and got a
5 on the Cal BC AP. But Berklee only offers one semester of math, which
they already gave me credit for. So, except for
the math required for my various classes, I am also math free.(But I am
not yet history free or art free.)

Dear Eric,
Gee, how much i would like math if took 2 years of calculas. Woo-hoo
the excitement there. I don't like french cause pig latin is where its
at. Say hi to Casey Schurell for me (he works in the drum department.
hes a cool guy.)

ESPECIALY if you haven't before!!! Instructions are at the bottom. It
can be a question or a coment or an aticdote or something. Come on, get
the fuck up, yo!!!!

I would like to send a happy birthday shot out to listmember Marrissa L
who turned 17 on friday. Shes gonna die soon. I guess I'll die first
though. Unless we get those pills that make us live another 50 or 60
years. Maybe will could live another 100 years, mutha!!!! Anyways, if
you see Marrissa anywhere, say Happy Birthday.

Well, this week's album recomendation is the Buddy Holley boxed set. It
was released in 1978 as a 6 record set and its so fucking god damned
good. It has every album he made, plus alternate versions of some songs,
plus his appearences on Ed Sullivan, no relation to list member Erin S,
is there?? It also has an interview or 2. Its the 3rd and 4th and 5th
album that really got it going though. Its is the mac daddy of all boxed
sets so go out and get, man. Its hip.

Hey, does any body here have the ad I sent out to you to try and get you
to join the list????? I need it to try and sell new members. Also,
if you have the letter you got when you sent me mail that said "hey you!"
in the subject, i need the response to that.

Oh well. This is robby robertson siging off. Good marrow. I'm off to
take a crap and a giant piss. All this coke, oy!!!!

the egotisitical ninja turtle,
Ben Garber

Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
comercial use or mass emails using the names and/or email addresses of subscribers to this mailing list is strictly forbidden
©1998 Lance Romañce All Rights Reserved
this mailing is anti-dave mathews
email: tendonitus@giantrats.com
website: http://www.giantrats.com