53: Subject: I Made You Out Of Clay
From: HevanScent
Date: 97-12-23 21:56:39 EST

Hello everybody, and welcome to Hanukah Land!!! For the next 8 days,
your stay here will be lit only be candles, your food will be nothing but
donuts and latkes and all you can do to entertain your self is play
dreidel. Gambling permited. Just don't purt all your eggs in one
basket, please. Happy hanukah everybody!!!!! Lets sing the dreidel
song!!!

Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made you out of clay
and when your dry and ready
oh, dreidel I will play

I do not know the rest, so any ways. @ people I know have birthdays
today, both turning 17, but i don't like either of them so no happy
birthdays to them. In fact, i HATE them. can you believe it??? Well,
thats why they arent members of the list. But please, find more members.

Lets start off with a story I wrote for the hell of it. Remember, all
rights belong to ME, read the notice at the bottom. I wrote this i think
in october.

11 days with the troggs
by Ben Garber
There once was a little family living in Cambodia who loved to go skiing
every summer (remember that they have opposite seasons than us). In the
summer of 1987, the ski resort which the normaly liked to go to was shut
down for health reasons. So they had to try to find a new place to ski.
They could not find a place though. So insted of skiing, they decided
they would go on a canoe trip down the nile. So they set off on their
way, their bags were pact, all that and everything and all that. THe
trip went fine till, one night, their canoe drifted away over night.
This, with out a doubt, was bad. But another family of sailors soon came
up and set up camp in the same place. And, to their surprise, it was The
Troggs!!! Yes, the same band that sang the origional version of Wild
Thing! They stayed there for 11 days. Go figure!!!

I would like to welcome list member Mike M. back to providence for a
little while, as he is on vacation from the University of Oregon. Dave
N. is some one else I would like to welcome back, he is back in Hope,
Rhode Island, where ever the hell that is, on vacation from his college,
what ever the hell it is. OOOHHH!!!! loud boom out side!!! hold on!!!
Oh, nothjing there. It was probably the cats. I would also like to
welcome listmeber Val H. back to Cranston, as she has been at Comunity
College of Rhode Island, and Erin S. back to San Diego, on break from the
University of Santa Cruz, and Marth P. back to Providence from Smith
College??? And Eric L. back from some where to some where, and Lana B. is
going to New Jersey. I forget where, but its near Philly, near list
members Lauren S. and Michelle who has no last name. I think she is
vistitiung her sister or something, who was resently married.
Congradulations sis!!!! She is all our sisters, brother. AM I missing
anybody?? Oh well, if i forgot you than fuck off.


Sorry, i was a bit harsh, you don't have to fuck off.

Letters!!!!!

The first is from listmember Jen B. of Gilbert, Sullivan

Dear Ben,
Biggie deserved srtist of the year. Trust me.
Love,
Jen


Dear Jen,
Why?
Love,
Ben

The 2nd is from list member Laura S. of Cold, Sweat:

Dear Ben,
I've seen Scream 2 and The Wings of the Dove.
Love,
Laura

Dear Laura,
i dunno what to write. Can I offer you some hospitality?? Kick your
shoes off, I will get you some hot chocolate. I dunno. Niether of those
movies were anything great. But i like the girl who died, she was the
only one I understood. Ok, good night.
LOve,
Ben


SOOO?? It snowed. It was cool cause we got an hour delay at school
today, then I went to school and watch George of The Jugle, had some
pizza and went on vacation. This weeks album recomendation is by The
Sundays. I got their album Static And Silence on sunday and its prettyu
good. I first herd them at camp in 1994 but never got the album, mainly
cause I remembered them as being The Mondays and didn't have a lot of
luck. This album is a 1997 release, and would definately go on my list of
best of the year, but I do not have a lot to say about it yet cause I
have only lissened to it once. I got more than one album on sunday, and
more than 2 the whole weekend so it all worked out well. Records are
nice and cheep. good. Now get the album. I think it will fare well
both among chick rock lovers, as it is chick rock, and among people who
don't like chick rock because damn it, its good. Its got cool wah wah
pedals.

I thought I would grace you all with another story I wrote last year.
The date suggests that I wrote it exactly a year ago, but that would seem
odd that I would write this on vacation, as this was a school paper. I
figer I ment to put down 10 (october), or 11 (november). But it says 12
(december), which is odd. Oh well. The asignment was to write about an
instance when you thing breaking the law is justified. This is one of
like 2 creative pieces we had to write in that class. I corrected it i
few minutes ago though, i had made a few mistakes. So here goes,
remember i own the rights and all the legal stuff is down at the bottom.
Thank you.


BREAKING THE LAW
Ben Garber
12/23/97
It was a Thursday afternoon. I had just gotten home from school to find
that there was no more milk left. I went up to the store to get some, I
came back, poured my self a bowl of milk, sat down at the table and
started reading the Lifebeat. Reading the Lifebeat, a learning
experience: I picked up such interesting facts as how dried carrots help
prevent that gargling sound that you here when you run the garbage
disposal, or that 37% of all Americans have herpes. I turned the page,
reading about what's happening with the stars of the nation. Jack Kemp
got arrested for assaulting Michael Jackson, Billy Corgan's new song was
praised by KRS-ONE as an act of sheer brilliance. The article below
talks of a brown student who had been arrested for standing out side
Tom's Tracks, asking everyone for money and/or cigarettes. They called
this crime pan handling. He was set free with a $300 fine. How
interesting.
I put my dishes on the counter next to the sink, got my flip-flops on,
and headed out the door, foolishly forgetting my keys. "Oh well," i
said to my self, getting a strange look from a passing jogger. "Woops,"
I continued, "I said that out loud."
I arrived on Thayer st, wondering what i should do there exactly. It
was a boring day and no one seemed to around. It was one of the few days
I didn't seem to know anyone there. Even Noodles seemed to be gone.
Well, that's a plus I guess.
I decide to make my way to the record stores, thinking that maybe it's
about time I finely picked up Anthology 2. I first go to Tom's Tracks,
but they are fresh out, and a short bearded Tom is swearing at his
customers for opening up a record. Maybe they have it at In Your Ear.
So I headed out, only to be stopped by a young man in his 20s, who asked
me for some change. "Sure," I said, being the nice curtious person that
I am. But as I reached in to my pocket, I recognized his face. It was
the picture that had lie next to that article in the paper!! It was the
pan handler!!!!
At this, I let go of the quarter that I had just found in my pocket,
thinking that this pan handler really hasn't learned his lesson, and
probably never will. I picked up the other quarter in my pocket, the
poison quarter, and handed it to him. As he touched the poison quarter,
he died instantly, and I laughed hysterical.
As the cops slowly arrived, I explained to them that the only reason I
had killed him was because he was a criminal, and there for making it
justified. But the cops wouldn't listen to me. So they arrested me.
Now I need a good lawyer. Someone I can count on, some one I can trust.
How can I find that someone?



Any ways, thats enough for now. See yall later, happy hanukah.

Love,
Your Beanie Benny,
Ben Garber

Oh, and I had an idea. Its kind of perverted i guuess so if you don't
like that stuff don't read, but i thought it would be cool if, insted of
being a Budist Monk, you could be a Nudist Monk. I figure that would be
cool because people would ask you to bless them, cause you are a monk,
and i could tell them that in order to be bless, they need to drink the
holy water. and they would ask "where can I get holy water." And I
would say that they would have to get it out of the pump.

Some of you
may have to
think about
that one for
a bit. But
good night.
Love,
Ben


Thank you for reading this issue of tha Lance Romañce Mailing List. To subscribe, send an email to tendonitus@giantrats.com with the word "Subside" in the subject. For back issues, and just more entertainment, visit www.GiantRats.com.
---------------------------------------------
comercial use or mass emails using the names and/or email addresses of subscribers to this mailing list is strictly forbidden
---------------------------------------------
©1997 Lance Romañce All Rights Reserved
this mailing is anti-dave mathews
email: tendonitus@giantrats.com
website: http://www.giantrats.com