46 Subj: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
Date: 97-12-01 22:26:32 EST

Hello, all, I'm exausted, I'm tired and am crrently being bregaded by
IMs. Anyways, lets start off by welcoming the myricle of 54th member
Dana, a native of the sea. She has come to spred the word of aquarios,
and the word is good. She is actualy number 55.

2 thursdays ago, me and listmember Lana B. went to boston. How exciting.'

Gosh i do not have a thing to say. I will now do a feature, a long
paragraph, to answer as many Ben Garber FAQs as I can think of.

My full name, by birth is Benjamn Ewing Garber. Ewing is my mom's maiden
name. The Ewing's are scottish, the Garbers are of Russian desent. I
was born at Women & Infants Hospitol in 1979, on december 7th. I believe
it was a friday. Out of all times, it just happend to be 4:20. My dad
went to Art school in the 70s, namely RISD, and who knows what he did but
he did smoke a pipe till i was about 4. He runs his own photography
buisness, called Ira Garber Photography (his name is Ira). He does
advirtising. My mom went to UCONN. She was a nerd. Her name is Carol,
and she is an Excersise Physiolagist. A more general name for her field
is Cartiolagy. My parents met as camp counselers years ago. My dad
snuck out of that camp while he was a counseler, and insted of going to
his aunt's wedding, which was his excuse, he went to woodstock. My
father also got arrested in california for sleeping on a beach, they
thought he was involved with Manson. He used his phone call to oreder a
pizza. Though that might not be true. Either way, my dad lived out the
60s and 70s, and to be honest, he is rather dumb these days. I,
personaly, am clean as a whissle, for those who wonder.

My favorite magzine is SPIN magazine. My favorite food is probably
pizza. I like anything with cheese and bacon on it though, which makes
bacon my favorite pizza topping, and i LOVE bacon cheese burgers as well.
My favorite kind of ice cream is oreo. Though i do not eat these
constantly, this leads largely to my desire to walk as much as I can. I
do not have a lisense, for the reason to get exsorsise, I'm to lazy to
get a lisence, I don't really need one and its cheeper than having to pay
for gass and insurance, its safer, helthier and environmentaly safe.
Plus, asuming i am at college in boston next year, there is absolutely
know where to park for very long. All parking spaces seemed to be
equpied with electronic parking meters. I think I look like robert plant
more than anybody else. Though my hair is not so curly since the hair
cut of 96. I still do not like my hair cut. I plan on cutting it all
off this summer. I do not want to be bald, so I will where a hat. I am
only cutting it all off so i can grow it long again, but from scrach.
This will illimnate shaping and aother hair cut symptoms. I hope to get
my curls back too. But sometimes, when I look at pictures of me at 15
and of robert plant in the mid 70s, when he had long blonde curly haid
and a scuffy face, i think the resembalance was uncann Though thats my
oppinion. That was complete coinsidence., I didn't even like led
zeppelin till the age of 16. I do not have a beard really, buit am
usualy scuffy cause I do not shave often. I would have more, bbut my
theory is the more I shave, the more I have to shave. That is because
everytime somebody shaves, it grows back darker, harrier and faster.

The shoes I where are all convers. Not nesisarily chucks, but some
times. No basketball or tennis style sneakers. no one star sneakers.
though sometimes one star sandles. I have a good selection of chucks,
both hi and low. I got them all on sale really cheap and havent boughten
chucks since. Lately, i have gone for the more obscure converse. My
pants are usualy black, though I have a pair of navey blue pants, and 4
pairs of of greay jeans, only one of which does not have a gigantic hole
in the croch. I plan on getting some army green pants soon. Thats where
I get my jackets. I get all my jackets at the army navey store, they
have excelent jackets cheep. My winter jacket canm be annoying cause it
has german flags on each arm. I didn't notice when I got the jacket, but
because of them people alwauys think I'm a Nazi. I am not. I wish
people would think I drive a volkswagon. Thats german too. But i don't,
and won't be driving a volkswagon. I want a Dodge Ram if I ever get a
car. I where a different t-shirt everyday. I think I collect t-shirts.
I have several. Most resently i started whereing my army hat again. I
stopped whereing hats once attending schools where hats were strictly
forbidden. My school this year does not forbid them. My nails are blue
cause I like them that way. I plan on whereing a loose skirt once I am
at college. I like to where skirts for the same reason I like boxer
shorts: room to breath. They are more comtrable, just not socialy
excepted yet. I intend to change that. I have one skirt now that used
to be list member Tyler E's grand mother's. I where it occasionaly. But
my parents dont like the idea of a skirt. they will get used to it

does that answer everything? Any other questions, please send them in.

I apolagise I do not get the chance to answer every doby's letters
everyweek, I am kind of very back logged with letters, and will get to as
many as I can ASAP. But it takes me time. I encorege you to keep
sending in letters, but be patientwith the response.

List member Eric R. of the buttox of the lorax writes:

Dear Ben,
I know a man that hasn't cut his hair in three years!
Why not?
Because he's bald!

My cousin swallowed a frog
Did it make him sick?
Yes, he's liable to croak any minute!

Now Junior, be good while I'm away.
Okay Pop, but I'll only be good if you give me a quarter.
Why son, when I was your age, I was good for nothing.

My uncle is taking up French, Swedish, and Spanish.
Boy-oh-boy! Where does he study??
He doesn't! He runs an elevator!!
Love Eric

Dear Eric,

The 2nd letter is from Dave N. of your selfish cousin.

Hey Ben,

I'd love to poo. I mean, what I really mean to day is that I'd love to be
in your movie. When are you filming it? I'm coming home next tuesday and
will be there till next saturday. Then I come home on December 17th and
I'm home till January 15th, or something like that, so I'd be able to
spank things then. As you recall, I have a car and I'm a good masturbator
and driver, so tell me if I can fiddle your nuts and be in the movie.

love and vagina nuts,
Dave "cock diesel" Nelson

Dear Dave,
You are obviously born with a talent for using poetic words. What a
poetic letter. My movie is filiming ui dunnno when, maybe when we all
have time. Over winter break???? I am sorry to let you know that my
movie will NOT have a masturbation scene. Maybe you should make your own
movie? If you do, be sure to send it to Santa Clause.

Here is yet another story I wrote.

This week's album recomendation is Fun Rock. A compalation of oldies
available only fom television. It was made available in 1986 until 88, i
got it on both cassete and record. ,It has some greats: Land of 1000
Dances, If You Want To Be Happy, Judy In Disguse, Devil In A Blue Dress,
Hang On Sloopy, My Boy Lolipop, Mama Said and heaps more. I strongly
recomend it.

I would like to ask who here, if any of you lefty a message on mchine
that said "Hi Ben." then chuckled, then the answering machine. It was a
female voice, a little rhaspy, one that I think i know but can't place.
Was it any of you?

Speaking of which, the ben garber birthday hotline is still open. Call
now and leave a happy birthday greeting, I turn 18 this sunday. You know
what I can do when I am 18? I can be liable for children!!! I am VERY
excited. Anyways, the hot line number is 401-421-4003. call now!!! Or
you can send my a present ( i like records and money), or better yet, a
home made card. A home made card would be VERY nice of you. Send them
all to
Ben Garber
98 Elton st.
Providence, RI 02906

You can also come to my birthday party which isnt totaly worked out yet.
I dunno. You should also all send floers to list member Emmanuel S.

Man, where the hell have you ben, Been? Well, I have been away. I sent
out the last list on tuesday night. I had school wednesday, then took
the bus up to Hartford to go with my cousin Adam Garber to go to a phish
concert. You would think no one would no who I was in Hartford, but i
got stopped 3 or 4 times. Those who have been to thaayer st. with me in
the resent past realise that this is a problem lately, everywhere I go I
get recognised. I got malled at both the Squirl Nut Zippies and They
Might Be Giants. Oh well, it is fun. I feel like i am a Squirl Nut
Zippie. Or then again, I might be a giant, but anyways... This was
convenient. because the 1st set of Phish that night I didn't like that
much, except for an awsome cover of Talking Head's cities and they opened
witha funked out version of Tweezer, with a flea bass line. but the 2nd
set was a-maze-ing. They played like all funk, and page kept doing this
electronic noise and it was like a disco and it had cool lights. But
this was funkier. This was convenient cause I had to be in hartford
anyways, cause thats where my grand parents live and thanks giving was
the next night, which is where i was thursday. I came home friday or a
few minutes where I headed off to to catch another bus to see phiss in
Wooster Mass (wooster is spelt wrong but thats how it is sound). It was
at the centrum, that was an EXCELENT show. I knew I was in for a good
show when right after the 2nd song, I herd the opening to You Enjoy
Myself. They did the trampaline part, but they cut out the bass/drum
part and the vocal jam turned into I Didn't Know. There was no vocal jam
really, they just did that song. But I Didn
't know had Jon Fishman on vacume a solo. Then a cool Maze. Blah blah
blah, good theme from bottom. good rockey top. 2nd set funked out like
the preveious night but different of course, and ended with JOHNNY B.
GOODE. the encore was My Soul.

I went again the next night again, the show was ok, not great but the
encore was worth death. They covered the tv song Buffalo Bill, then Trey
(the guitarist) told Jon Fishman to take a solo (the drummer). THough
Jon took a damn good one, and its not every night you get to see a
fishman solo, Fishman didn't seem to want to take one very much and ended
quickly. But then trey starting pplaying LED ZEPPELIN'S MOBY DICK, and
the rest of the band just kind of followed him. Moby Dick, as many of
you know, is a song based around a gigantic drum solo, as this is what
Trey Wanted. But again, Fishman did it short (but very well, a good
bonham impression). Then they played FIRE by JIMI HENDRIX. Which is
also a great drummer track, no solos but a lot of hard fills. I went
again last night (sunday), but I was kind of disapointed, it wasn't that

Realising that most of you don't like phish anyways, or even have been to
a concert, i will now move on.

Anyways, time for bed. Good night. I promise a worth while mailing one
of these days. Sorry for the intrusion. Good night.
Your accademic climax,
Ben "birthday Boy" Garber

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