44 Date: Sat, 22 Nov 1997 00:33:41 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Ben Garber Turns 50!!!

It is now 11.32 pm on firday sometime in november, who cares. I just
got
home, turn on your computer to find MEMBER NUMBER 50!!!! Just kind of
sitting there, waiting to here back, member number 50 is none other than
someone i do not know, but i will attempt to introduce her anyways. I
will introduce her as Lizz B. She moved to Michigan iabout 3 years ago,
leaving her native town of Scandanavia. She has since been attending
Michigan state University, where she has been studying her major
passion,
mathmatics. She plans on being a math teacher some day, I hope she will
be happy right now though, as she just one a prize. Lizz, you have just
one a million bucks!!!!! Shya right!! And monkeys might fly out of my
butt!!! No, but seriously folks (which origionaly comes from
countries... thats a musical pun). Lizz has one a won dollar
bill!!!!!!!
CONGRADULATIONS!!!! Write back to me so we can figure out how i will
get
it to you. And, as I promissed, a prise will go to the person who
brought me Lizz. Congradulations to list member Jen B. of North
Providence, you one won not one, but TWO CANADIAN QUARTERS!!!!! Thank
you very much for making this list a success. Thanks to all of you.
And
a very special thanks to one more person, I would like to award one
more
prize to someone else very special. Lauren S. of Hamilton Sq, New
Jersey!!!, ! Congradulations Lauren!!!!! Lauren was the VERY FIRST
person to join my mailing list and has stayed with us for all 44
mailings
(this is the 45th). Here is a copy of Lauren's Subscription letter:
---------------- Begin Forwarded Message ----------------
Date: 05/26 11:15 AM
Received: 05/26 11:16 AM
From: Lauren Simoes, Uds1234@aol.com
To: HevanScent@aol.com

Ben,
What the hell are the Roosters? I never heard of em? Hey! I might get
to go to the WENT!!!!


Lauren
----------------- End Forwarded Message -----------------
Since joining, Lauren has sent in numorous letters, which have
frequently
been used, she got her friend Michelle to join, and has been a great
over
all member. This is why I present her with the the Golden Garber award,
for her achievments as an outstanding, longlasting member. Other
honerable mentions go out to other long lasting members. Casandra K.
was
the very 2nd member to join, quickly followed by Eric R, Laura S and
5thly Kate P, all of whom have remained on the liast the entire time.
Mike M. and Erin S. finish up the first 7 members, and the ONLY members
to recieve the VERY first mailing. Another special shot goes out to
Nate
D, a member of both the federal roosters and Clean and Friendly, for
being possably the most enthusiastic member. Well, maybe not, but the
most visablyy enthusiastic, at least in my eyes. Are you more
enthusistic? Send me YOUR letters telling me why YOU deserve the
enthusiasm award more than nate, and you can win a clean and friendly
recording, coutosy of me.

As I also mentioned, I will be adding some special new things tonight,
some just for this issue, some from now on. What are they? Well, for
starters, I am now offering Ben Garber house tours, thanks to an idea by
list member Jen H, who wins the first one. Would you like to take a
tour
of Ben Garber's house? Make a resorvation BY EMAIL!!!!! It won't cost
you a dime. Just a nickle!!!!! But, if you are a list member, or
attend
with a list member, you don't have to pay anything.

Also, to celebrate the success of this list, I am making a major change.
MAybe this isn't the best choice economicly, but I don't care. From now
on, you will all be recieveing my mailing list FREE OF CHARGE!!!!

I am also offering back issues!!!!!!! If you would like to order list
back issues, you can do one of TWO things:
A. You can request a full digest of every list I have sent out, all 45,
which would include this one. This is available in the word processing
format of YOUR CHOICE!!!! I can format for all of them.
B. You can request a list of all the subjects and dates, and request
only the ones you wish to read.
C. This is a special offer for this issue only, and will not be offered
again till we hit 100 members!!!!!

And, as another very special, i will answer one extra letter this
week!!!
thats right, not two, but three letters!!!!!

The 1st is from Earnest Fairfax of Rumfor, RI

Hey Ben, and all you others-
First, something to Ben: I smack my car horn every day passing you on
the
way to school, and you do do anything but continue with your goofy gait.
Why the steadfast insanity?
Secondly, You all must come see a The Importance Of Being Earnest
performance at the Wheeler School. This Thursday, Friday and Saturday at
7:30. This is assuming you are in the Rhode Island area. Be there or be
out of the loop.
-Hunter "Leon Zeff" Howe

Dear Earnest,
How am I suposed to know that horn is aimed at me? I asume that it is
honking at other CARS. It would be strange for a car to be calling out
to a human, wouldn't it? Cars want other cars, like dogs want other
dogs, like bees want other bees. Maybe, you should get a 2nd horn that
alumanates a voice crying "I see Ben Garber!". That way, I would know
it
was me the horn was aimed at, and, it would help to spred the good name.
3rdly, I all ready saw The Importance of being earnest. It was just
over
an hour ago that I was watching you and list member Emily S. kick each
other like you were soccer balls.
Love,
Ben

The 2nd letter is from Golden Garber award winner, Lauren S. of
Jurasic Park, NJ.

Dear Ben,
Do you even realize what day your birfday is??? It is the day before
the
most important day of the year!!! JIM MORRISON'S BIRFDAY!!! What a
groovy
day to be born. My personal favorite sign of the zodiac is Pisces, but
I
do happen to like Scorpio and Sagitarrius as well. My birthday has no
significance, except for that Billy Joel's birthday is about a week
after
it. My brithday = Apr 29 and I will be 16 Billy's Birthday = May 8 and
I
am sure he's pretty old! Anyways, this weekend I am hosting a PHISH
PARTY... can you guess what the theme is? La la la... Ta ta for now!

~Lauren

Dear Lauren,
Actualy, my birthday, which is the same as Larry Bird's, List member
Derik Y, Sara Baumgardle's mom, Debbie Mann's mom and i dunno who else,
is the day before the saddest most day of the year. It was very day
after I tur ned one years old, december 8th 1980, that the man who i
love
more than any other man, a man who changed more than just the music we
lissen too, a man who's creativity and ambition to change the world made
him one of the greatest people ever, a man featured in Apple Computer's
"Think Different" add campaign, the founder of the band Johnny and the
Moondogs, ladies and gental man, it was the day that marked the death of
the revolutionary man known most comonly as John Winston Lennon.

In response to the rest of your letter, I am a sagatarios, even
though i am not a sag member (Screen Actors Guild). I will look into
your birthday, but I wish you a happy one. DOn't forget to wish me one
too, you can do so by calling the Ben Garber Birthday Hotline at
401-421-4003. I don't supose the theme of your party woyuld have
anything to do with hippies, would it? Oh well, bye bye.
Love,
`BEn.

And the extra secial 3rd letter is from me:

Dear Ben,
How are you? I have seen a TV show resently that had nothing to do with
anything, but inspired me to get off your big fat cat Cotton Ball and
write you a letter. I was wondering what you thought of my hat.
Love Ben.

Dear Ben,
I like your hat. Its very me. At least I think so. You should where
it
normaly. Are you busy tomarrow night? Maybe we could get together and
take that hat off, if you know what I mean (wink, wink)
Love,
Ben

This week's album recomendation is to make your own!!! Thats right.
All
you need is a tape recorder and a microphone, and just start taping and
make your VERY OWN ALBUM!!!!!! You will be proud of your self. I think
you will enjoy it. When you do, let me know cause I want to here it.

ANyways, I am EXAUSTED!!!! I am gonna go sleep, we will get back to
normal list issues next week, we have more members itching to join, but
I
wanted to get this out before we hit 51, which will happen by next week
probably. But see you all later AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME HAPPY,
PAPPY!!! See you all later. Write me letters and whatevers. Bye bye.

Love,
Your 50th friend,
Carne De Vaca King Of The Lions Ben Garber


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