32 Subj: They Say Its Your Birthday
Date: 97-10-10 18:42:53 EDT

Howdy everybody. I would like to wish a happy birthday to list member
John L, who turnned 57 on thursday. How are all of you? Please find 4
more members at your nearest convenience. Or better yet, right now!!!!
Damn yankees. So anyways, i am wondering how all of you are? No, but i
am fine.

The otehr day, i herd the princple was lookin for me, so i went into see
her and she said a man was looking for me, and she showed me to this room
in the back and i went in and i got cheers from the students and there
was a bald man standing there and he had me sit in the front desk. And
he asked me questions about my audition and told the rest of the class
trhat they could all do it too. that was wierd.

Then today i got a call from the casting agents, saying they had a part
in mind for me. what could it be? Will I get to speak??? I will let
you know the details as they comer out, dude. I will be on letterman
soon. Hopefully. I have full intentions to get on letterman, and I
WILL, be it not for this, it will be for my farting eye. be it not for
that, it will be my racoon hat, i will find a way. everyone be watching.
See ya later. Bye bye!

in the mean time i would like to wish every one a happy yom kippur.
would you like to wish me one? Well, in honor of list member Sean M, I
would like to present you all with another story from my creative
writing class. This time, the assignement was to write about the person
or animal we admired the most. I couldn't deside on a person, nor could
i deside on an animal. SO I desided on both, yo. Remember, this is not
for use by any one else, this is MY story. See the bottom for copy right
stuff please. Here goes...

Ben Garber

There a lot of people in this world. There are a lot of animals
too. But there is only one who nests above all others. That would be
Big Bird. That big, yellow, feathery hunk of love and knowledge we all
see on our TVs several times a day. And you know he must be something
special if he's on TV so much.
One of his great features is his musical talent. He sings on key to
wonderful, original songs. And his lyrics are perfect. He's a lyrical
genius. He has revolutionized music by singing about things other than
twinkle stars and the alphabet. Big Bird sings songs about roller
skates, and being an individual. Where does he come up with these
wonderful songs? Who knows.
Another fantastic quality of Big Bird is he is a loyal friend. He
is always there for you when you need him. He always wants you to be
happy. His best friend, Mr. Snuffiluffigus, is always worried. Big
Bird, or as Snuffy calls him, Bird, is always ready to try and cheer him
Big Bird, who is six (count 'em, 1-2-3-4-5-6!) years old, is always
there to lend a friendly helping hand. If you want to move a table, Big
Bird is happy to help out. He'll do any thing he can if it will make you
Then he has his dog, Barkley. He always lets Barkley run around
with the kids and the kids are happy. And Barkley is by far the happiest
dog on the planet. I would be happy too if i were Big Bird's dog.
At my 5th birthday party, there were a lot of kids there and I was
having a lot of fun. Then the door bell rang, and my mom probably said
something like "Up, someone's at the door." So I got up to answer it,
followed by other people. I answered the door, and who was there??? It
was Big Bird!!!!!!!!!! "Wow,!" I exclaimed. Then Big Bird probably
said something like "I heard it was your birthday," or something like
that. But, as I noticed the thinner rings around his legs, and a
different voice, my smile disappeared. "You're not Big Bird!" I
exclaimed. Oh well, so much for that.
But Big Bird is still the greatest. I had every right to be angry
that someone was pretending to be Big Bird. But it was easy to tell.
After all, there is only one Big Bird.

anyways, i guess it couldn't hurt to answer some letters now, so i guess
i will. Shall I? or shall I not?

The first letter is from John B of Blue Wind Resources, Iowa

Dear online friend,

I have received this LETTER at least three times in the last 2 months,
so I gave in and said "Well, lets see if it really works". To keep a
long story short, I have received over $12,000 in cash in less than 4
weeks. I am now and forever a true believer of this money making
"What an Amazing Machine the computer is!".

John B, Blue Wind Resources, Iowa

Dear John B,
Amazingly, 100 other people managed to email me on the same email message
that you did. And they all had posative things to say. This is
sirprising considering it is a scam.

Dear Ben,
Once again, you have shown us no worthy letters, and this week have
resulted in answering junk mail. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dear Ben,
I dunno =,(

send your letters to the instructions below.

This week has another album recomendation. This week is one of my
favorites, I recomend this is the next album you buy. It is by a
punk/blues/rockabilly trio from the 1980s, thoght they think they are
from the 1950s. They are called the Stray Cats, and their best album is
by far Built For Speed. If you like any kind of rock based music, this
is sure to turn you on. This is one of the 1st bands i got into. Even
the r&b/pop fans on the list might enjoy Rock This Town or Stray Cat
Strut. I want each and everyone of you to GET IT DAMN IT TO HELL!.
Please pick it up. its a well worth it tresure.

a list member forwarded the following letter to me this week, i would
like you all to please read it:

>> > American Airlines is a major sponsor to and supporter of groups like
>> > GLADD, the Human Rights Campaign, the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund,
>> > the AIDS Action Foundation, DIFFA, AmFAR, and scores of
>> community-based
>> > groups representing gays and lesbians. It is also the first airline
>> to
>> > adopt a written non-discrimination policy covering sexual
>> orientation in
>> > its employment practices.
>> >
>> > In an unusual joint letter released to the media on Friday, March
>> 14th
>> > from the Family Research Council, Concerned Women of America,
>> American
>> > Family Association and Coral Ridge Ministries, American Airlines was
>> > openly criticized about their policy. Radical right leader Beverly
>> > LaHaye also went on Christian "talk radio" on Friday to blast
>> American
>> > Airlines because "American's sponsorship of homosexual 'pride'
>> events
>> > constitutes an open endorsement of promiscuous homosexuality."
>> > She and the other groups have written Bob Crandall at American to
>> > complain that the airline has "gone beyond mere tolerance" of gays
>> > and lesbians. The full article appeares in Friday's Fort Worth
>> > Star-Telegram, and possibly picked up by other newspapers around the
>> > country.
>> >
>> > It has come to the attention of the gay and lesbian community that
>> > American Airline's switchboard and e-mails are being bombarded now
>> by
>> > homophobic and hateful callers who have been urged by LaHaye and
>> > others to DEMAND the company terminate its gay-friendly policies.

Now as you can imagine, AA is taking quite a stand on this issue, I am
quite proud of them. Homophobia is by far the strongest prejiduce out
there, and it is with out any good reason. I would like to urge all of
you to help, and do a small part to fight homophobia. Here are just 2
things you can do:

1. You can write to American Airlines and urge them not to back down,
and to stand up in the fight against homophobia. You can do this by
emailing Webmaster@amrcorp.com and telling them to stand strong. I all
ready did this once, and I am doing it again from different screen names.
I urge you all to do this if nothing else.

2. My little idea, which I havent tried yet is another thing you can do.
Though I hold nothing against baptist people, this is more form of
rebellion than anything. But it is primarily Batist groups who take the
largest political action against gays. Yes, there are other groups, but
the Baptists ones are the largest, that is why these people are
announcing it on christian radio. So what i want to do in rebellion is
ban places that support Baptist movements. I want to write letters to
jewlery companies and other places, I dunno, but places that support
baptism, and let them that I am banning them because i feel that baptism
teaches our kids to believe things that aren't true, and there for makes
them vularable to lies and scams. Sure it sounds crule, but they are
doing the same thing to the gay community. If you do this too, i ap
proud of you. I feel these groups havent had their share of political
attack yet.

Threre was also a petition attached to the letter I was sent, but i feel
that this does more. Homophobia has long been unattacked. Martin Luther
King never got to gay rights. But why should we forget about it? Please
help out and help to make a difference.

Anyways, that is all i can think of right now, I will return later.
Please stay infatuated with your children. I'm off to hong kong, see ya.

your very own presidential canidate,
Ben Garber

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